There were strong denials from the Football Association that the agreement to continue with Fabio Capello, the Mafia boss, as England manager, was based on non-footballing judgements.
The dead cat found in the FA Chairman's bed and the bleeding pig's head discovered in his family fridge were laughed off as silly pranks. The most likely culprits were probably deluded and misguided England fans who moaned about England's strategy in South Africa.
'After the great success of the England team at the World Cup'claimed an FA statement 'confidence in the ability of the England manager to inspire the team is confirmed. To beat Slovakia was like winning the World Cup.' It was thought the few who found fault in Capello's dynamic approach had no idea of the manager's ability.
Despite the moaners Capello has very powerful friends. They are certain that in the future England will win even more games. New England players will be bloodied for the campaign to qualify for the next World Cup in 2014.
A friendly Fabio placeced an arm around your correspondent's neck as we chatted about his philosophy of football. I am fortunate in having fluency in Italian so that the true genius of Capello can be appreciated. 'Any problems we face have been caused by the terrible mess left by my predecessors. They left a terrible legacy for the country and I will deal with this. There will be some tough decisions but those who suffer will know we all in this together. By 2014 we shall be over the worst and on the road to recovery.' With tears in his eyes Fabio declared: 'All the talents of the football field will coalesce into an age of harmony. Those who sing out of tune will not be part of the Opera'.
I have been asked to give Italian lessons to all future England squads so that Fabio's message will be fully understood and acted upon.
So, to so-called England fans: No more dead cats and pig's heads! Know the Will of the Master and follow the army to victory!
