SuBo fanatics buy a boat!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today bought a boat. The boat, to be known as The SuBoat (what else?!), will ferry fanatics along the River Almond to reach the back garden of SuBo's new house. "They're building a big security...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Newby villagers get new vicar
After what seemed like an eternity, but was actually only two days, Newby villagers welcomed their new vicar. The Mayor and members of the Women's Institute, accompanied by ten other villagers who had won the 'draw' held at the 'Dog and Duck' pub, went down to meet the ferry and welcome their new vicar. As the ferry docked, only one person was on board standing next to the ferry-man and help...
Read full storyRuth Archer to be banned from BBC Radio 2
The coalition government has decided to pass legislation banning Ruth Archer from presenting Radio 2s 'Friday Night is Music Night'. A spokesman for the Department of Culture Media Sport and Anything Else that comes up said the new government woul...
Read full storyScientists Warn U.S. Could Be Cut In Half!
Although the flow of oil has been cut off finally according to BP Oil officials, there is still much to deal with in the future, in fact the history of the United States. "Most people have heard about our earlier warnings about the Gulf floor shi...
Read full storyLevi Johnston, Bristol Palin, and Baby Tripp To Star In The Reality Show, "Howdy Y'all We're The Wasilla Hillbillies"
HOLLYWOOD - EFN, The Extended Family Network, has just informed the entertainment media that they have signed Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin to star in their very own reality show. The show which will be set in their rented trailer house in Wasil...
Read full storyTwilight Star Battling Drug Addiction!
According to a number of tabloids and confirmed by the Twilight actor himself, Chaske Spencer, who plays "The Leader of the Pack" of werewolves Sam Ulrey, is bringing all his battles with alcohol and drugs out into the open. Spencer says that he w...
Read full storySinger Bjork Calls Lady Gaga Phony Weirdo
The latest celebrity to come right out and question the authenticity of Lady Gaga's weirdness is the queen of weird herself, Bjork. Bjork was in New York to perform a few intimate gigs in the Village when someone asked her what she thought about Lady...
Read full storySteve Jobs Announces Apple IPaper
In a surprise new product announcement Apple has launched their latest innovation and it's phenomenal. The IPaper looks like a newspaper, feels like one, folds like one, it is a newspaper. Made with a new plastic product that combines technol...
Read full storyBus Passes thing of the Past
The Government has announced a revision of the Bus Pass allowances for people under 90 years of age. Protests from elderly citizens have been met vigoursly by Ministers. Suggestions that the Conservatives are going back on election promises are be...
Read full storyPink in Suicide Leap
Pop singer Iggy Pink was today rescued from a bizarre suicide attempt in which it threw itself off stage into the waiting crowd below. Pink, famous for being the world's only ladyboy pop star, shrugged off the incident from its hospital bed. 'I...
Read full storyA little poem for Susan Boyle fans
I wrote the little ditty below to bring a smile, I hope. Susan is holding a competition to find a fan to 'sing with her'. Fellow fans brought it to my attention, but as none of them have ever heard me sing.....I put this together: I thought I'd sing for Susan And then I thought again Why should I sing for Susan And cause her so much pain. You see I do not sing too well Of that ther...
Read full storyHeidi Montag and Amy Winehouse To Star In "The Naked Vampire Lesbians From Hell"
LOS ANGELES - The Candlelight Motion Picture Company in association with Left Coast Libido Pictures and G-Spot Productions has just announced that they have signed Heidi Montag and Amy Winehouse to star in The Naked Vampire Lesbians From Hell. The...
Read full storyYorkshire Ripper is not allowed out because he's not yet dead!
The Yorkshire Ripper who topped 13 young females many years ago has had his plea for early release rejected, PHEW! Yorkshire can sleep in peace and as for the Ripper his plea was nonsense anyway. He was sentenced to 13 x life which equals rough...
Read full storyOil Caps are the most popular accessory of the season
Oil Caps have become the latest craze in headgear - the 'in' accessory. Ever since Oil Caps have come to the notice of the public, discussed on a daily basis as a result of the BIG OIL SPILL fashion designers world-wide have been coming up with de...
Read full storyTiger Woods Fart Stops Play In British Open Golf Championship
He's been troubled by flatulence in the past, and the old 'tummy rumbles' returned to haunt Tiger Woods once again today at the Open Championship at Royal St Andrews, with play being suspended due to 'excessive wind conditions'. Woods, on 5 under...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Writer suffers from "Writer's Block" with surprising results.
What can we do when we suffer from "writers' block"? Well there are a number of things: 1. Take a day or two off and don't worry about it. 2. Sit stubbornly staring at a blank screen driving yourself crazy. 3. Read a newspaper article and re-type it changing names, verbs and adjectives, adding a few words of your own when it seems appropriate to do so. I have "writer's block" today...
Read full storyLocal Waiter Really Needs LeBron James to Place His Order
John Bridges, a waiter at the Blue Pointe Grill in Cleveland, cannot continue to wait for LeBron James to place his dinner order. Bridges, who has been with the restaurant for over 3 years has, "like 6 other tables" and would really love it if James...
Read full story9/11 Bomb Ship Found
Conspracy theorists are having to re-evaluate the credibility of their claims today, after workers digging at the World Trade Center site in New York discovered a 32ft-long ship (9.8m) hull believed to have been buried in the 9/11 attacks in 2001.
Read full storyHornets Administration Name Chaos
Rochdale Hornets yesterday were in chaos following news that they may be entering their second administration in as many years. It is not the money side of it the club are worried about though, its what they should call themselves once they have...
Read full storyTrying to do the Job Alone - Accident Claim
At a recent UK Health & Safety symposium in London, those present voted for the following insurance accident report of all time: Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trus...
Read full storyPaul the Octupus meets his maker
Berlin, Germany - In emerging news, Paul the amazing Octupus has been found dead in a lobster tank at a popular Berlin restaurant. It is believed some Spanish football fans kidnapped Paul and took him out to dinner in celebration of Spain's victor...
Read full storyPope orders all clergy to undergo emergency 'dung seat' exam
London - (Sacriledge News): The immediate return of the sella stercoraria - or dung seat - test has been ordered by Pope Joe Ratzinger. Stung by a Vatican Internal Affairs probe naming 'literally hundreds' of covert women priests and bishops masqu...
Read full storyNational Park in Maine Closed to Public to Accomodate Obama Vacation: $Millions in Revenue Lost!
A horde of tourists on Mt. Desert Island, Maine, were disappointed to learn today that Acadia National Park would be closed for three days to accommodate a visit by the Obama family and their dog Bo, the Portuguese water spaniel. Acadia, featuring...
Read full storyBrain Dead Killer's Number 1 Fan says "I'm Off"
Siobhan O'Dowd the Number One Fan of Psychotic Murdering Gunman Raoul MOAT, has defender her actions regarding her Facebook Site today, in an interview with the "Daily Balls" She said, "Well er like Moat he was er like a decent bloke and Dad and t...
Read full storyDC earthquake aftershocks rattle CIA HQ
Washington AC/DC - (Snake-in-the-Grass News): The ubiquitous 'Did the earth move for you, darlin'?' took on a new, troubling meaning today shortly after 5.04am EDT. A 3.6 tremor epicentered on the White House Queen's Bedroom was felt as far away a...
Read full storyReporter Tries To Get Chancellor to Reveal Tactics
George Wasborn, Chancellor of the Exchequer was interviewed today, by our unpaid reporter Inchcock Chambers, to try and get a true feeling for the nations flock, about the true intentions of the current Government. Inchcock was led to the office for the interview by a burly, earpiece wearing security guard, (who kept smiling and growling at him), and handed him over to Wasborn, sat behind a wal...
Read full storyRobotic Michael Jackson not ready for 'Ascension' tour
Greedy record executives have recovered far more of Michael Jackson than they expected. Most of his face was 'non-biodegradable' & 'hand washable' and his brain was 'perfectly preserved' in alcohol and barbituates. Seperately in Japan, Sony ha...
Read full storyRobin Williams to Rejoin Take That
It's the news an army of female Take That fans have been waiting for - Robin Williams, 59, is rejoining the world's gayest boy-band after many years in the wilderness following the groups acrimonious split in 1995. Since the split, Robin Williams...
Read full storyIs Anna a Double Agent?
Intelligence experts in Moscow and London are puzzling over whether the lovely Anna Chapman has been acting as a Double Agent in her dramatic spy activities. A clue has been discovered because of her urgent coded message to Channel 4 to put her on...
Read full storyTake That say Robbie Williams is Back For Good
Gary Barlow has said to fans to never forget that Robbie Williams was an original member of the band; sure, they had had a falling out, everything changes, and he promises Williams is now back for good. "We have a million love songs we're going to...
Read full story1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep …
Some say lots of men are conditioned to female long hair. Can this hypothesis embrace Moslem men who never happen to candidly see even family members inside the walls of their private homes free of burqa? Or can it be termed innate? In several Middle Eastern countries, such as Afghanistan, women are wrapped up in a conical head-to-toe loose cover with a thick face netting for the eyes to p...
Read full storyNew Metropolitan Police Chief Arrives At Scotland Yard
Chief Constable Stanley Unwin arrived at the Yard this morning eager to get into his new office and start policing London "His way". This reporter, armfeetandtoe, was granted an exclusive interview with Unwin. armfeetandtoe: What do you think you will bring to the job? Unwin: Excitmo, the thrum of policibol politicli never interweedlo with the fabricol of plodmost independ. armfeetandt...
Read full storyRobbie Williams rejoins Take That
Robbie Williams who broke away from the Boy Band Take That, because he believed himself to be the talented one, has finally spent all of his money and asked to be taken back into the band. Expert marketeer, Gary Barlow spotted an opportunity for a...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Golden Shower Chinese restaurant to re-open
Six months after the Golden Shower Chinese Restaurant in Shanklin shut its doors after the food standards agency moved in, it is set to re-open. The original accusations levelled at the restaurant, which will also do take-out after the re-launch,...
Read full storyTake That Take That Robbie Williams Hostage
Robbie Williams, the 'singer' who performed with pop supergroup, Take That, has been taken hostage in a garden shed in Cheetham Hill, Manchester. The 'singer', who walked out on Take That in 1995, was taken hostage after he met with Take That with...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox To Record "The Ballad Of Mel And Oksana"
LOS ANGELES - American Idol winner Lee DeWyze and runner up Crystal Bowersox were in L.A.'s Sound By Sound Studios to record the Kara DioGuardi penned song, "The Ballad Of Mel And Oksana." Kara said that she wrote the song as a protest of the way...
Read full storyAmerica's Number One Veterinarian Says Mel Gibson Appears To Have Mad Cow Disease
DODGE CITY, Kansas - Veterinarian Dr. Montrose D. Brushyboo has said that he has studied half a dozen of Mel Gibson's out-of-control tapes and he is 98 percent certain that Gibson most probably is afflicted with Mad Cow Disease. Dr. Brushyboo said...
Read full storyBP's Lavish Celebration over Capping of Oil Well Marred by Angry Protests
What should have been one of the happiest celebrations in a long time for BP today when it announced that the oil spill in the Gulf has been temporarily capped, leaving no oil spilling from beneath it, turned instead to another day of blame and force...
Read full storySelena Gomez Performs on America's Got Talent
HOLLYWOOD - The young teen singing sensation Selena Gomez pranced and danced on The America's Got Talent stage and really thrilled the audience with her fine as wine singing. AGT Host Nick Cannon, Mariah Carey's hubby even compared Selena to a you...
Read full story50-Cent Solution to Get Rid of Ants
I saw the headline "50-Cent Solution to Get Rid of Ants" and it stopped me in my tracks. I thought, "man, not only is this guy one of the best rappers in the business, but he is stepping so far out of the box, we have to applaud him. Sure, he endorse...
Read full storyWhoopi Goldberg Says Mel Gibson Is Not A Racist - And Whoopi You Ain't An Old Black Gal With Dreadlocks
LOS ANGELES - Whoopi Goldberg was having lunch at Cousin Cooter's Chicken Wings and Thangs when she was asked about the recent half dozen recorded rants by Mel Gibson directed at his ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. Goldy, as her hair stylist call...
Read full storyEmma Watson Does Not Deny Blowing Daniel Radcliffe And Rupert Grint
This one was a turn up for the books as Skoob News confronted Harry Potter actress Emily Watson and demanded to know if she had, in fact, blown Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint, her Harry Potter co-stars. Prompted by showbiz correspondent, Buffty...
Read full storyFidel Castro has died
On July 15th, 2010 the highly feared unquestioned Dictator of the Imprisoned People's Republic of Cuba, Fidel Castro died from an extremely fatal heart attack. Doctors say the heart attack was the result of smoking 200 Cuban cigars a day, although...
Read full storyLeonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet Return in Titanic II
James Cameron, not resting after the film success of 'Avatar', has written another surefire blockbuster in Titanic II. Always driven, Cameron decided after the grueling filming of Avatar to do something fun. And fun for him is to write a screenpl...
Read full storyMore Letters To The Editor - From Fictional British TV Characters - Take 2
Sir, Television these days isn't as good as it used to be. When I was on top of my game, TV was full of gritty realism. The women wore hairnets, or headscarves, brooked no nonsense, and spoke as they found. The blokes all smoked fags and had 'proper' jobs, apart from Stan, the window cleaner, who were a lazy get. There were none of these dolly birds with fit legs in short skirts with cleavage a...
Read full storyCannibal Cafe Lunch Special: Macaroni and CheeseHeads
Welcome to the scenic island of Golli Golli. The staff and management of the Cannibal Cafe, located inside of the Golli Golli Comfort Suite Hotel, hopes that you enjoy your stay in our tropical paradise. Today's lunch special will feature an American dish, Macaroni and CheeseHeads. Our unique take on this traditional food features home made pasta cooked with a sauce made of the finest Wiscons...
Read full storyBP Oil Well Now Empty
BP have announced that their leaking oil well, which has been spewing out oil into the Gulf of Mexico for the last month, is now empty. The last of the oil trickled to the surface yesterday. It is the first time the flow has stopped since an explo...
Read full storyNew Dinosaur Extinction Theory Proposed
London UK: Dr. I. Jones, the noted archaeologist, appeared before the Royal Society to present his new theory explaining why dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago. The single continent Pangaea had been home to Dinosaurs for 165 million year...
Read full storyWebsite Fire Causes Widespread Damage
Police are looking for the proprietor of flammablesubstances.web after the website caught fire last Tuesday, damaging hundreds of computer monitors around the world. The website is registered to a company in Peckham that sells various flammable ma...
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