Obama's Teeth Emerge From Hadron Collider Black Hole: Asks For Taco
In an earlier story it was reported that President Barack Obama was swallowed by a black hole created by the Hadron Collider, with only his white teeth being visible from within the totally black abyss. Today, his chattering teeth emerged, and a...
Read full storyPissed Off White Guys' Worst Nightmare Speaks Out
As the U.S. finally begins to show signs of economic recovery - after 8 years with the nation's first Master of Business Administration at the helm - rich guys everywhere, hoping for a mid-term election upset, have begun pandering to America's largest voting bloc: Less privileged whites, including uneducated rural Christians, homophobic rednecks, trailer park trash, even racist bigots who wear the...
Read full storyGillian Duffy apologises for calling Gordon Brown "a two faced prat"
It was supposed to be just a visit to the shops to buy a loaf of bread but 66 year old Gillian Duffy today became embroiled in a media frenzy after a chance encounter with the Prime Minister in Rochdale. Gillian was politeness itself as she questi...
Read full storyJesse James Calls Sandra Bullock Goody Two-Shoes
Los Angeles, CA - In a complete turnabout, Jesse James decided to come out swinging against the woman who, until recently, was the light of his life. After being caught with a number of women, all of whom were not his wife (basically because she is j...
Read full storyUS to set fire to oil rig leak - Bush horrified
Ex-US President George Bush has again angered environmental groups after comments he made during a press conference called by oil company representatives in Houston. When asked by a reporter to comment on plans drawn up by the US coastguard to set...
Read full storyStandard & Poor-Whore relegates Vatican to junk status
New York - (Off-the-Wall-Street Mess): "And not before time!" BigOil tycoon Helmore B Damnt commented today amid news that Vatican sovereign debt had been downgraded by US regulators. The relegation should have made Goldman Sux another bucketful o...
Read full storyPolice Arrest Prostitute For False Advertising For Wearing Padded Bra
Denise "Honey Sugar" Stark was arrested on her usual corner last night at the intersection of Third and Elm. This time, however, she was charged with more than just the usual solicitation. The normally flat chested Denise, who was captured wearing...
Read full storyHas Labour Gone Pig Stupid?
After being forced to hastily apologize to a voter for calling her a bigot, UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown now says that, in fact, he called her "pigoted" and not "bigoted." The reason he said was that, when he was talking to her on the campaign tra...
Read full storyBarcelona v Inter - Barca Robbed - Tosser Invades Pitch - United Fan Issues Warning
Barca beat Inter 1-0, but lose 3-2 on aggregate in the Champions League. Despite some crap refereeing decisions. Barca had a late goal disallowed for a handball that never was. Fergus McCarthy lamented the fact that the match official wasn't offic...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus and Taylor Lautner win the 'Mr. & Mrs Vagina' contest in Atlanta competition
Miley Cyrus was crowned 'Mrs Vagina 2010' last night in Atlanta Georgia, at the Mr and Mrs Vagina Pageant 2010. In a surprise twist, Taylor Lautner beat two other favorites who took runner-up positions in the Mr & Mrs contest. First runner-up...
Read full storyMore Wit, Wisdom, and Ideas To Live By From Throckmorton P. Turdblossom
I got lots of people tellin' me that they like my philosophies of life. Hell, it ain't no damn philosopy, it's the way things are, or at least should be! Anyhow, here's some more of my ways of thinking and ideas and questions and such. I don't care if it ain't politically correct or if it pisses some folks of at MSNBC or CNN or on the Ellen Degenerate show. It's how I think and what I feel.
Read full storySecond Gordon Brown microphone shocker
A source close to the Prime Minister has revealed that a second sensational lapse of microphone awareness by Gordon Brown has revealed some exceptionally worrying news. After Gordon Brown called the little old lady in the street a bigot, he reported...
Read full storyBNP's Nick Nasty makes 'bigot' mistake on election trail
The leader of the British Nazi Party, Nick Nasty, was in trouble today about comments he made about potential voters he didn't meet in a town outside Barking today. Following an interview with Radio Scrotum in the village of Mad B'Stard just outsi...
Read full storyEntire UK Population To Hide From Inspector Morse
In what's been touted as the biggest, most complex practical joke in history, the entire UK population have agreed en-masse to hide from American TheSpoof.com writer, semi-retired detective and ex-pirate captain Morse, a native of The Carolina's when...
Read full storyBritish Airline Feuding with US Airline over Skyjacked Aircraft
New York, NY - When the volcanic eruptions in Iceland forced British airlines to ground many of their aircraft at various American airports until the skies cleared, American airline operators saw an opportunity to take advantage of the situation: the...
Read full storyPresident Barack Obama Detained at Phoenix Airport
Phoenix, AZ - President Barack Obama was detained for a brief period yesterday at the Phoenix, AZ Airport by TSA officials while police determined whether or not to arrest him for not having proper identification with him at the time he touched down...
Read full storyObama Orders CIA To Hire Graduates of Spy School
Barack Obama has issued a presidential order to the Central Intelligence Agency to begin hiring all graduates of the Jethro Bodine Skool of Double-Naught Spying. Obama said that he feels these highly trained agents will be of immediate assistance to...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart Kicked To The Curb
There's no getting away from Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart these days. Wherever you go, whatever you do, they just keep cropping up again and again like some particularly malignant growth. Open a newspaper, they're there. Robert looking mea...
Read full storyDavid Dickinson Sold For £27 On Dickinson's Real Deal
Consternation this afternoon in Dudley as David Dickinson, the presenter of Dickinson's Real Deal, ITV's inferior answer to The Antiques Roadshow, was sold to local Dudley pensioner Valery Flax for £27 by mistake. It appears that Dickinson caught...
Read full storyBrown: I Was Misquoted
Gordon Brown is facing another controversy today after allegedly referring to a member of the Rochdale public as a "bigoted woman". "Did you see the size of here shoes, they were enormous, she was at least a size nine, possibly a nine and a half,"...
Read full storySarah Harding And N-Dubz In Pub Business Meeting Bust-Up
Our man in the pub, eccentric British film director Buffty Ginslinger reports that he saw Sarah Harding in a business meeting at a West End pub with Camden rappers N-Dubz, although Harding appeared more enthusiastic about the drinks on offer than the...
Read full storySandra Bullock Locks Monster Garage Down Adopts Demon Child
Blind Side actress Sandra Bullock finally ditched her bitch in divorce court and then announced she was adopting a child. No one cares about Jesse James' exit but the curious part is the child who is known due to recent press about him being sent bac...
Read full story"Fahgetaboutit!" Goldman Sachs to US Congress
As the executive from Goldman Sachs sat down at the witness table in front of US Senators yesterday, the air was tense. Before the cameras were turned on, including those of c-span the executive spoke directly to the assembled legislators. "N...
Read full storyHeidi Montag Wants An Extra Pair Of Arms To Look Like Vishnu
Apparently it's true! Heidi Montag, the multi plasticated surgical miracle of The Hills has apparently been making enquiries regarding the possibility of having an extra pair of arms surgically implanted onto her torso in order to look more like the...
Read full storyThe Euro is Dead - It's Official!
The fictitious existence of the single European currency is over as IMF Chief, Ban Kandout, announced at a meeting of all the Eurozone Treasury ministers,"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pass condolences on the sad demise of our much lo...
Read full storyBigoted Woman Fights Back
Bigoted woman, Gillian Duffy is fighting back today following a gaffe by Prime Minister and hapless fall-guy, Gordon Brown. Long time Labour supporter Duffy, 65, is believed to have questioned Gordon Brown following a live television interview ask...
Read full storyFeminists say Labour 'too extreme'
Leaders of the UK feminist movement urge voters to support the Conservatives and not Labour on 6th May. Les Byan, chair of the West Fotherington Feminists Alliance said today,"Us feminists believe in equal treatment between women and men. Labour h...
Read full storyIvanna Phuque, Mike Hunt Wedding Announced
Shocking Olympic teams in Sweden and the U.S., the recent marital announcement from Swedish speed skating champion Ivanna Phuque, and U.S. short track speed skater, Michael Hunt, caught both countries by surprise. Keeping their relationship as pri...
Read full storyBoobquake - Sedighi replies
It has been brought to my attention that a certain Western young woman of sadly limited intellectual abilities has endeavored to call into question the unquestionable revealed truth relating to the link between earthquakes and immodesty expressed in my recent article in the Chicago Tribune, and this by means of an ill-judged "experiment" involving the massive display of so-called "tits" at various...
Read full storyScarlett Johansson Asks; 'Gwyneth Who?'
Lighting up the screen, or dare we say, steaming up the entire theater, Scarlett Johansson outshined, outplayed and out sexed her Iron Man 2 co-star Gwyneth Paltrow. While early Iron Man 2 screenings are being met with wide acclaim, Johansson is...
Read full storyGordon Brown tells truth!
In a scoop for Sky News, they have caught the prime minister saying what he really believes! Speaking privately, but being caught by a microphone, he is heard calling Gilian Duffy a 'bigoted woman' after talking to a life-long Labour supporter in...
Read full storyThimble Smuggling On The Increase
Hampshire Police today issued an all points bulletin warning the county's populace to be alert to sudden outbreaks of thimble smuggling. Chief Constable Artemis Aureole warned Hampshire residents that not everybody was hiding from that great celes...
Read full storyGordon Brown loses it in Rochdale
Overwhelmed by the fallout from his gaffe in Rochdale today, Gordon Brown has refused to leave his hotel room and says, "I'm not playing anymore" Forced to listen to his own stupidity on a radio show shortly after he called someone "a bigoted woma...
Read full storyNorthern Irish National Party are not the British National Party
The Northern Irish National Party (NINP) have hit back at claims that they are just the same as the British National Party (BNP). "We are completely different," claimed Mick O'Griffin. "Granted we share some of the same ideals in our view point to...
Read full storyNoah's Ark Found Near M6 In Birmingham
The archaeological community was buzzing this morning following the discovery of some lumps of wood here at Langley Hill, just a stone's throw away from the busy M6 motorway. Local Time Team fan, Chester Duggit, 67, a retired panel beater from Cas...
Read full storyGordon Brown you clown
The Prime Minister showed his contempt for an elector today. A perfectly reasonable woman, in Rochdale, asked him some relevant questions. The lady even said she would still vote Labour. What does Gordon do - he calls the lady a "bigoted woman" in his car. The mic was still on and obviously transmitting. Now he is being pinned to the wall by Jeremy Vine on radio. The poor woman is dreadfully...
Read full storyInconvenient Microbes are deceptive - Al Gore
The surprise scientific announcement this week was that microbes are not accelerating global warming as expected. Brushing aside the fact that the global warming computer modelers have no understanding of the complexity of microbes, Mr Gore went on t...
Read full storyCameron's bid to prove he is a Charming Man
Tory leader and maybe future Prime Minister of Britain has hit back at Blur drummer Dave Rowntree's claim that he is not a real Smiths fan. Rowntree's claims that Smiths fans 'dress a certain way and have a certain haircut' meant that Cameron, in...
Read full storyLady Goo Goo as Lady Gaga eats nothing but baby food
Lady Gaga has been invited to appear in the next series of the television programme Freaky Eaters, after news broke today that she eats nothing but jars of baby food. Lady Goo Goo, the artist formerly known as Lady Gaga, starts with a jar of Cow a...
Read full storyTorture at secret Baghdad jail - Church implicated
Pope Benedict XVI is once again having to fight off criticism after information was 'leaked' implicating the Church in prisoner torture at a secret Baghdad jail. The jail, a former Catholic boarding school, had come under scrutiny by Human Rights...
Read full storyStephen Hawking to enter wheelchair race in next London Marathon
Stephen Hawking was watching the wheelchair race in the London Marathon, on Sunday, and then called for a press conference. Hundreds of reporters turned up at the press conference to hear what Stephen had to say and were surprised at what happened...
Read full storyObama Vows to "Teach Arizona a Lesson" Over Immigration Law
WASHINGTON, DC - In response to years of Federal authorities ignoring illegal immigration problems in Arizona, Governor Brewer signed a law making the violation of Federal Law (illegal entry into the United States) into an offense which is enforceabl...
Read full storyWaste management company to bid for Greece
The downgrading of Greece to Junk Status has attracted the attention of a waste management company, who are considering a takeover bid for the country. A spokesman said that "We operate wherever junk and waste are plentiful and Greece would be an...
Read full storyInterview with Bernie Madoff
David F Mayer: Today, I am visiting the distinguished con-man and Ponzi schemer, Bernie Madoff at his new home in North Carolina. Madoff: It's a great pleasure to be interviewed by you. I have been looking forward to this since you first called two weeks ago. DFM: Well, I have been looking forward to this interview as well. It is not every day that I get to speak with the greatest con-man in...
Read full storyOhio State University to Abandon Academics, Research for Sports
New university president, former football coach, Buford "Buck" Finster, announced that his university is eliminating all academic and research activities to concentrate entirely on sports. "It is high time that we stop being hypocritical. Student...
Read full storyKristin Stewart to appear in Indian film, Pattinson to appear in Cowboy film
Kristen Stewart is to appear in an Indian Movie, called Paani, which is the Indian word for water. Meanwhile Robert Pattinson, her co star in Twilight, is to appear in a cowboy Movie, a remake of the successful Gary Cooper, Movie, High Noon. Krist...
Read full storyLabour attack prostitutes' customers not the prostitutes!
Extending their campaign of hate against heterosexuals, Jacqui Smith announced that the 'users' of sexual services would be targeted and not the 'dealers'. Ms Smith said,"As part of our campaign to get as many men with criminal records as possible...
Read full storyJake "The Bachelor" Pavelka's Honeymoon on Dancing With The Stars is Over
HOLLYWOOD - Well one thing that will not be in Jake and Vienna Pavelka's home will be The Dancing With The Stars mirror ball trophy. The airline pilot from Dallas was eliminated from the dancing reality show. Judge Len Goodman said that part of...
Read full storyA 9.7 Magnitude Earthquake Hits Iceland - The Volcano Eyjafjallajokull Is Now In Greenland
HOFN, Iceland - In a classic example of a 'bad news - good news' story, Iceland has just been hit with a powerful 9.7 magnitude earthquake. The quake only lasted 55 seconds, but it was enough to cause the volcano Eyjafjallajokull, that has been sp...
Read full storyPop-Tarts to be renamed Pop-Pastries
Battle Creek, MI - After years and years of putting up with entertainment columnists calling singers such as Britney Spears and Madonna "pop tarts," the makers of the snack food of the same name has finally decided enough is enough and is changing th...
Read full storyScientists Crack Code for Time Travel
WASHINGTON DC - Scientists in one of the federal government's highest-security labs (whose name we cannot disclose, for obvious reasons) have made a historical breakthrough: they have finally figured out the secret to successful time travel. For d...
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