Written by Skoob1999

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

image for Heidi Montag Wants An Extra Pair Of Arms To Look Like Vishnu
Left Hand Down A Bit...

Apparently it's true! Heidi Montag, the multi plasticated surgical miracle of The Hills has apparently been making enquiries regarding the possibility of having an extra pair of arms surgically implanted onto her torso in order to look more like the sacred Hindu Deity, Vishnu - the Preserver.

So our ace reporter Buffty Ginslinger told us, and anybody else in the pub who cared to listen. It appears that Heidi Montag desperately wants to crack the Bollywood market, and feels that an additional pair of fully functioning arms will make her more closely resemble Vishnu, and thus cement her appeal to Hindu audiences.

"Heidi thinks it's a ruddy corker of an idea!" Buffty Ginslinger revealed after his second visit to the Gents. Puffing dramatically on a menthol cigarette, in open defiance of anti-smoking laws, he continued: "She thinks it would be really cool to be able to wave two pairs of arms about. What! And it would certainly put paid to that time worn excuse for laziness - I've only got one pair of hands! And just think of the fortune she could make by acting in gentlemen's 'relaxation' movies! With two pairs of hands and those huge silicone front bumpers, she'd take the porno scene by storm! They'd be queuing up round the bloody block to buy the DVD!"

A spokesman for Heidi Montag informed us that he had no clue what we were talking about, and called us a 'bunch of sick bastards' before hanging up.

The last time we saw Buffty Ginslinger he was throwing up in a shop doorway in Wardour Street.

Look out for the sparks. They will fly.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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