Pop-Tarts to be renamed Pop-Pastries

Written by Charpa93

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

image for Pop-Tarts to be renamed Pop-Pastries
Typical Pop-Tart

Battle Creek, MI - After years and years of putting up with entertainment columnists calling singers such as Britney Spears and Madonna "pop tarts," the makers of the snack food of the same name has finally decided enough is enough and is changing the name of its wildly popular brand of toaster pastries to Pop-Pastries.

"It's been a long, arduous road trying to keep this brand name from becoming a laughing stock with the younger crowd," claims marketing head, Cesar Plumpquist. "Actually, it wasn't an issue from the time Pop-Tarts was first introduced in 1967 all the way up until almost 2000. The female singing artists during those years were, for the most part, well-behaved and no one thought of making the connection of pop artist with Pop-Tarts.

When asked what female pop artist was first associated with the Pop-Tart brand, Plumpquist responded without hesitation, "why, of course, that was Mariah Carey." Oh she was a looker and a wild one. Almost from the git go, she was labeled a tart, but it wasn't until well into her career that the connection was made with Pop-Tarts and the rest is history. After Mariah, others soon followed, such as Madonna, Christina Aguilera, and, of course, Britney. Even Lindsay Lohan has been known to carry the title, although, she's just usually called a tart and it's left at that."

Asked what was the straw that broke the camel's back, Plumquist said he was ashamed to admit it but it really began to affect the bottom line when people started associating the chocolate Pop-Tarts with singers like Janet Jackson and, most recently, Erykah Badu, who disrobed completely in the heart of Dallas while shooting a music video. "When the Badu video went viral, we said 'uh-oh, here we go again' and that's when we decided we'd heard enough. The associations were taking on racial undertones and we just didn't want the hassle."

Look for the brand of Pop-Pastries to be on shelves sometime later this summer. Hopefully, the term pop pastry is incapable of conjuring lurid thoughts of half-naked pop stars in any of their fans' heads.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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