President To Discuss Breast Appreciation Day With Nation's School Kids
In a taped Video broadcast to the nation's school children, on what for many will be their first day at school, President Obama will discuss the importance of Observing Nation Breast Appreciation Day, Monday, September 28th. In the accompanying cu...
Read full storyBra Companies to Participate in National Breast Appreciation Day
Manufacturers of brassieres have announced that they will participate in the celebration of National Breast Appreciation Day on Monday, September 28th. They will provide discounting to all department and clothing outlets and retailers and all bras s...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Explains National Breast Appreciation Day
Former United States President George W. Bush explained the reasoning behind National Breast Appreciation Day to reporters, describing the reasoning behind an event that will now be celebrated in more than thirty countries. The holiday is scheduled...
Read full storyNational Breast Appreciation Day Announced
People checking out their calendars might notice that Monday, September 28th, has been named as National Breast Awareness Day. The event is not tied to breast cancer, but to the appreciation of that part of the female anatomy. Research shows that...
Read full story"Achtung! Nein, nein, nein!" numerology shocker
London - (Rioters): Hellfire Club pornbrokers are calling in the IOUs this week ahead of Wednesday's apocalyptic 9/9/9 numerology. Starting with half a dozen Canary Wharf smug bastards who have grown fat perpetrating the myth of Hong Kong's repatr...
Read full storyRabbis Fighting Over Breastfeeding On Yom Kippur, Which Falls On National Breast Appreciation Day
In New York City, a religious question has led to a cleavage between two major groups over whether or not breast feeding is allowed on Yom Kippur, a national day of fasting for most Jews. Since this year's "National Breast Appreciation Day" just h...
Read full storyVan Jones Smear Campaign Woes
Right Wing Supporters were desperate to get their point across as they hid outside the White House waiting for Van Jones. Startled at their sudden appearance, Van Jones says suprise was what kept him from fighting back, as he was viscously smeare...
Read full storyWhite House Press Room Food Fight Provoked by Robert Gibbs: Just Another Mess for Obama!
Washington, DC/ Healthy Choice News - A red faced, bloated, corpulent Robert Gibbs, this administration's spokesman and apologist, touched off an international incident this afternoon when he accused the Press of acting like participants in 'Animal...
Read full storyBirmingham Riots linked to small penis syndrome
A planned demonstration in Birmingham against literacy and being a bit "fey", by The Ignorance Defence League, resulted in angry clashes with teachers and librarians at the weekend. Gangs of men and youths, whom Police believe may be latent homose...
Read full storyDisney Purchase Of Marvel Comics Affecting Future Movies, Comics
With the purchase of Marvel Comics by Disney, several changes are bound to take place as, along with DC Comics, Marvel has supplied the world with many a superhero while Disney went more for the youth market with Donald Duck, Pluto, etc. For insta...
Read full storyMan discovered Hiding Between Walls of the White House
Washington, DC - Secret Service agents thought perhaps the noises they heard emanating from behind the walls of the White House were perhaps one of the fabled White House ghosts. Agent Richard Millhouse swore he heard the ghost of Abraham Lincoln exc...
Read full storyAlcohol Banned at U.S. Embassy in Kabul
"The U.S. Embassy in Afghanistan has banned alcohol and assigned American personnel to watch over the embassy's security guards following allegations of lewd behavior and sexual misconduct at their living quarters." CBS news reported today. An uni...
Read full storyDJ Moyles Bids To Be Saviour Of Jordan's Career
DJ Chris Moyles, the self-professed 'saviour' of Radio and former part-time ballast for the QE2, has today selflessly offered to become the saviour of glamour girl Jordan's career, which now lies in tatters after her replica milkbags were chewed off...
Read full storyLes Barrettes Day
LETTER TO THE EDITOR Dear Editor, I personally believe America has gone way too far in recognizing the customs and holidays of other countries. First of all, they have something called Sand Veil and Tyin' Day, which I guess is called that because of all those people that either get engaged or married on it. Good heavens, people go crazy, buying all kinds of flowers, candy and jewelry. Th...
Read full storyI don't want to swim with dolphins
I like dolphins and I like swimming but I just don't want to put the two together. Intellectually, I have an inferiority complex when it comes to these sea mammals. Just give me something more stupid, like a sheep or a chicken and I'll swim with it. Or maybe goldfish. The American Navy used them to seek out sea mines so I suppose they were the first suicide bombers in a way. this is essentially a...
Read full storyThe Bee Gees reform and ask Dame Vera Lynn to "Zimmerframe along"
The highly respected dead Bee Gees are to reform and the ones that are still alive might just go along for the Bucks! Also, Dame Vera Lynn has been asked to do vocals on her zimmerframe! (Reason: Vera Lynn is currently rocketing up the UK charts w...
Read full storyChinese 'spy-in-the-sky' satellite filmed Maddie in Libya?
Nanjinxed, China - (X-Files): China's Purple Patch Observatory is to release its 2009 solar eclipse footage after a rogue UFO was reassessed as a possible sighting of Madeleine McCann. The 40 second clip shows Maddie dressed in traditional Libya...
Read full storyHonesty Test is actually useful!
An 'Honesty test' being trialled by a UK University has provided some surprising results which are now helping the UK Government in the fight against spies. Dr Miles Dempsey explains his team's attempt to prove the Honesty Test is not a complete...
Read full story£200,000 Robbery Re-enactment Ends In £200,000 Robbery
A expert team of crime investigators who staged a re-enactment of a violent £200,000 armed robbery in a Kensington high street last month, were left with egg on their faces when the 'stand-in robbers' escaped with £200,000-worth of jewellery. The...
Read full storyGerry Adams joins U-turn craze
As political U-turns swept across the United Kingdom as fast as the Labour government were sweeping expenses frauds under the carpet, Provisional Sinn Fein president and former Chief of Staff of the Provisional IRA Gerry Adams became the latest polit...
Read full storyGordon Brown to sue Ted Kennedy
Following on from our beloved leader's brave decision to pursue the liberal people's benefactor and purveyor of quality oils/terrorist and member of the Axis of Evil (delete as appropriate), Colonel Gaddafi, on behalf of the victims of the IRA; Gordo...
Read full storyTroll Apprehended with Nick Fun's Stars
Redmond - A foul smelling troll was apprehended today by Redmond police in possession of a large number of stars believed to belong to Nick Fun, a writer for the satirical web site TheSpoof.com Based on an anonymous tip from a man known only as JO...
Read full storyMickey In Domestic Abuse Horror!
Horrific scenes unfolded last night as Mickey Mouse was arrested for domestic abuse. The normally happy-go lucky rodent showed his dangerous and ugly side as he kicked the shit out of his wife Minnie and his dog friend Goofy. Minnie is recoveri...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Answers Musical Question By Creedence Clearwater Revival
Former President George W. Bush has decided that he is tired of a question from Creedence Clearwater Revival that they have been asking him for over 40 years. Dubya said "You'd think that they'd get tired of asking me, but they have persistipated in...
Read full story"Church of England Connected To Hardcore Porn" Allegation
A hard-hitting documentary to be shown on national television tonight promises to 'lift the lid' on the alleged connection between Archbishop Dr Rowan Boat, and the seedy world of the hardcore pornography industry. In the third part of his series...
Read full storyMan with The World's Smallest Penis Arrested For Flashing
Known as the man with the world's smallest penis, Penis Minus Wilson (Not his real name) was arrested Friday for flashing. "It was all a big mistake", Penis told the National Inquisitor. "I ain't got nothing to show." Apparently it all starte...
Read full storyResidents Angered By Increase In Road Humps And Cameras
Residents of a Devon suburb are becoming increasingly concerned at the number of road humps and cameras appearing in their neighbourhood, claiming that their presence are in fact CREATING significant hazards for both motorists as well as pedestrians.
Read full storyDominic Cork retires from all forms of Warming Up
News of more Cricketers giving up part or all parts of the game so that they can concentrate on other parts or no parts of the game were released today, much to the frustration of all cricket lovers. Following Ricky Ponting's announcement that he...
Read full storyMan With Blog Deemed Inconsequential By All
An unknown blogger with moderate talent was berated by both friends and neighbours earlier today following news that his blog was both uninteresting and unimportant. "The truth shall set ye free," misquoted the disgruntled Blogger in a pseudo-pres...
Read full storyJordan Floored In Gipsy Boxer Attack
A terrified Jordan (real name Katie 'Cut' Price) was floored during an attack by a Gipsy boxer last night. And friends say that it was Alex Reid, the cage-fighting boyfriend of the 31 year old glamour girl and sometime flotation device, who was en...
Read full storyArsenals injuries caused by translation error - Merde!
As the injury curse of Arsenal Football club returns year after year like the terminal repetition of friends on satellite Television, an explanation can be finally found for why Thomas Rosicky's legs appear to be made of Cadburys Flakes and why Johan...
Read full storyLola McCola has National Football Star Arrested
SAN DIEGO, CA - National Football linebacker Shawne Merrihands was arrested early Sunday for allegedly choking his chicken in front of reality show star Lola McCola, police said. Authorities responded to a call at about 3:45 a.m. Sunday from a wom...
Read full storyGreat White Sharks Tag Massachusetts Marine Fisheries Workers
CAPE COD, MA - The Massachusetts Division of Marine Fisheries has been tagged by two great white sharks off Cape Cod, state officials said Sunday. Friday evening's event marked the first time a great white shark has successfully tagged a human in...
Read full storyMarilyn Manson Purchases Michael Jackson's Humanitarian Record
LOS ANGELES, CA - In an effort to raise money to pay for the King of Pop's funeral, the cash-strapped Jackson family auctioned off Michael's humanitarian record today to the highest bidder. Going once, going twice... Sold, to Marilyn Manson! Th...
Read full storySarah Palin Sues John McCain for Emotional Distress Caused by Penis Envy
POINT BARROW, Alaska (ABSNN) - Former Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, filed a law suit in the Pt. Barrow Federal Courthouse that charges "severe emotional distress" caused by John McCain's campaign staff that spent nearly $100,000.00 on slinky clot...
Read full storyG20 Leaders Reach Agreement in Record Time
The leaders of the G20 have today decided to follow the trend set by previous G20 summits by agreeing to agree. A spokesman stated that, "We have decided that it is in the best interests of all of us if we simply decide to agree rather than pissi...
Read full storyRooney wants to introduce three pointer in football.
Wayne Rooney, ugly, has suggested in a frank interview with lard-arse Martin Samuel, in the early hours of Sunday morning, that football should introduce a three pointer or a "three goaler", in his own words. He believes that football should follo...
Read full storyDeclaration of a Mad Spoofer's Wife to Mark Revealed
Pizmo Beach Pennsyltucky: At his retirement party, silly me Mrs. Macadamia, gave Philbert a copy of Spoofing for Dummies by Mark Lowton, the infamous Editor in Chief of TheSpoof.com. Since Philbert was already a punster, which is bad enough, the...
Read full storyLowton Gets 200 Years for Speeding Ticket
Impresario, bon vivant and mastermind behind TheSpoof.com took a fall from grace this week as he was sentenced to two-hundred years in prison for a speeding ticket twenty kilometers over the limit on the M1. Lowton refused to pay the fine given by...
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