Washington, DC/ Healthy Choice News - A red faced, bloated, corpulent Robert Gibbs, this administration's spokesman and apologist, touched off an international incident this afternoon when he accused the Press of acting like participants in 'Animal House' and continuing to throw 'shit' at the President's efforts to socialize the country.
His comments, following on the heels of recently departed Van Jones, the very Red/ Green Card Czar who called Republicans 'Assholes', seemed to find a chord in the assembled press mob who were at the time wolfing down a brief lunch before their filing deadlines.
The BBC correspondent, Myran Lightfoot, was so surprised he exhaled a mouthful of mushy peas which cascaded over the pin stripped suit of his CNN brother, Bruce Devlin, seated in front of him.
Fox News' Major Garrett, who is seldom surprised with White House antics, coughed and spit out some of KFC's finest mashed potatoes and gravy, unfortunately over the top of ABC's talking head Amanda Wiffenpoofel, who was wearing a black strapless evening gown in anticipation of some on air face, tits & ass time.
Garrett, ever the gentleman, attempted to brush off the mashies with a hankie, not only because it was the gentlemanly thing to do, but in honor of newly designated "National Breast Appreciation Day" just announced by International Tits and Ass Czar Hal A. Peno, formerly of New Mexico, but now in hiding due to pending sexual harassment threats and law suits.
Once again, the San Francisco Onion's crack reporter, Ginger Steel, completely misread his intentions, over reacted and hurled her almost complete tray of Sushi at Garrett who responded calmly, " Smells like I'm back interviewing Bill Clinton Again!"
With chaos building, both China and Taiwan reporters began lobbing egg roll mortars at each other from 26 feet, and the columnist from New Delhi started flicking snot sized wads of curry indiscriminately.
The North Korean press observer, who was not accredited, watched the action and threatened to start kicking some kimchi around but was restrained by the Iranian Import/ Export Minister who needed the depleted kimchi for "power plants."
To add to the confusion, Rahm Emanuel was standing by in the wings to add some steel to the backbone of the limp wristed Gibbs, and charged out onto the stage to try and regain order. Unfortunately in his haste he tripped over one of the 6 teleprompters, which caused a full bowl of matzo ball soup to spew into the crowd, most of which landed on sleeping White House Icon Helen Thomas who snorted, farted and gasped , suddenly awakened and asked, "Franklin, what was that bit about recalling all the gold again....?"
President Obama, viewing the debacle from his safe room on closed circuit TV, invoked the recently granted executive privilege of blacking out the internet, threw the switch and the conclusion of the event can only be left to ones' imagination.
One report has Keith Olberman licking Raman Noodles off Chris Matthews' bare stomach, and another has Brian Williams in bondage forced to eat snails
The stock market reacted favorably to the news with Consumer Staples up 14% and Chevron down 5%, which left many people Muddering to themselves.