As the injury curse of Arsenal Football club returns year after year like the terminal repetition of friends on satellite Television, an explanation can be finally found for why Thomas Rosicky's legs appear to be made of Cadburys Flakes and why Johan Djourou is out for 6 months after straining himself lifting his pay cheque.
It appears that when Arsene Wenger first arrived at Highbury in 1932, he overheard on of the Physio's commenting on Patrick Viera as being "As fit as a butchers dog". Arsene, being new to the country, had not heard this expression before and was somewhat puzzled until he watched an episode of Eastenders, the cheery tale of simple East End folk where all the men have shaved heads and all the women look like slappers.
Arsene watched in awe at the character, Pat Butcher and realised this was who the Physio was referring to, although he didnt see her dog. Ever since, the Arsenal players have been eating a strict diet of beer, pie and mash, jellied eels, cockles and whelks. A strict exercise routine of fighting with everyone was also put in place.In addition, Arsene insists all players are related to each other in some way but they must keep it a secret. Players holidays have been restricted to Benidorm only to ensure no exposure to any foreign food.
Grant Mitchell was unavalible for comment.