Les Barrettes Day

Funny story written by smurfette

Monday, 7 September 2009

image for Les Barrettes Day
I'll shave them bald before I let my boys' celebrate Les Barrettes Day!


Dear Editor,

I personally believe America has gone way too far in recognizing the customs and holidays of other countries.

First of all, they have something called Sand Veil and Tyin' Day, which I guess is called that because of all those people that either get engaged or married on it. Good heavens, people go crazy, buying all kinds of flowers, candy and jewelry. Then I have to go out and pay tons of money to buy the kids a bunch of little cards and candy to trade with other kids for stuff I throw away the same day anyway. At least it doesn't interfere with the kids going to school or the mail man or businesses closing. It just seems like a huge waste of money to me.

Next, we have to deal with Sand Pet Trick's Day, which I am not terribly familiar with but I believe has something to do with the Irish people proudly parading their trouser snakes out on the beach, of all things. Why do they need an entire day to justify nudity? And why on earth would their church support such a thing? And why should we be forced to acknowledge such debauchery? Let me tell you, I keep my kids home and in the house on Sand Pet Tricks Day; I surely do not want them subjected to such goings on.

I don't know where those two holidays come from, but there must be an awful lot of beeches there, on account of them always celebrating sand this or sand that.

Then they have that dreadful Stinko Day, Mayo; I've never been able to stand sandwich spread of any kind and I really dislike mayonnaise. It really does smell bad. I can easily see why people have to drink so much alcohol, just to wash it down.

I'll never understand exactly what Mammorial Day has to do with putting flowers on graves, unless of course all those poor people died from breast cancer; but I really think people should be doing their self examinations at home, and not be out in public talking about such things. Besides, all the doctor's offices are closed along with everything else that day, so nobody can have a mammogram anyway.

I guess I could kind of understand people celebrating October's Best; there's nothing wrong with people wanting to celebrate the harvest and lifting a frankenstein or two of beer, although I would never drink anything that smelled like that. Besides, it isn't really an official holiday and really only celebrated in a few areas with a lot of germy people.

I think it's probably just a holiday someone came up with so the grown ups could have their own day to make up for having to put up with all of the nonsense kids do on their day in October, Hal O. Weiner. I have never been able to figure out exactly who this Hal is but I suspect he may be related to Oscar, Major Weiner. Now, I really enjoy Oscar's hotdogs and even the cold cuts from time to time, but I must admit I am a bit resentful of all the time and money I have to spend on costumes and whatnot for my kids every year because of Hal. I'd really rather just buy the kids a few bags of candy and forget about the whole thing, but you know how it is with kids, darn pierced pressure being what it is.

However, I feel I must strenuously object to this "Les Barrettes" Day. Mind you, I know the French have done a lot for this country, what with giving us that nice Statute of Liver Tea and all (I've never had any, thank heavens, but I'm glad they have a law regulating it; it's sounds absolutely dreadful). However, to shut the entire country down for a whole day to celebrate a foreign doodad is just ridiculous, and I refuse to put those things in my boys' hair no matter what all those other pierced kids are doing!

Enough is enough!

"Sister in Christ"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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