An 'Honesty test' being trialled by a UK University has provided some surprising results which are now helping the UK Government in the fight against spies.
Dr Miles Dempsey explains his team's attempt to prove the Honesty Test is not a complete waste of time. "We randomly asked 100 people who were out shopping 'Are you lying?' to see if they were being honest."
The results amazed the team because 26 people answered 'Don't know'.
Don't Know?
Why did 26 percent not know if they were lying? As the team tried to make sense of this something more amazing happened. Dr Dempsey, "I inadvertently said 'Burgers' and one of the Subjects immediately ripped open her blouse, exposing a vest stuffed with explosives and began wiring it up! She had to be destroyed."
It seems that the 'Don't knows' turned out to be a type of spy from the cold war known as a 'Sleeper'. Sleepers are brainwashed agents who are programmed to carry out a secret mission when hearing a special activation code, such as 'Burgers'. These forgotten spies remain unaware that they are spies.
A Police spokesman commented, "It's fortunate these individuals were caught before they could do any damage. All 25 remaining subjects were located and shot for being spies."
Spyhunt
In response to the new threat of spies, the Government has hastily created a new post; the Spyfinder General. His job is to apply the Honesty Test to expose spies who are then shot. In a Government organisational model he sits on the same level as the Witchfinder General.
At the official launch of Spyhunt, the Spyfinder General said, "The Honesty Test is fool proof in the detection of spies. If the subject answers 'Don't know', that means they're a spy. That being the case, they are shot for being a spy. They're also shot for being a spy if I don't like their face or they have a funny smell."
Witchhunt
The Spyhunt program runs along similar lines to the Witchhunt program which was pioneered in the 1600's and still used today where failsafe tests are used to identify a witch, such as if the suspect...
- is ugly
- owns a cat
- has a scary laugh
- doesn't die when submerged in water
Over 25,000 witches were found and killed alone in the UK during 2008 from using these simple tests.
Teething Problems
The Spyhunt program is not without its problems. An elderly lady from Surrey was recently shot for being a spy for not knowing the directions to Zanzibar. Dr Dempsey, "Obviously this is an unfortunate incident and not representative of the whole program." Later it was found that she owned a cat so it turned out OK after all.
The Future?
But now the program's future hangs in the balance when the Spyfinder General was asked at the official launch how long the clearance of spies would take, he said he didn't know and was shot by his own staff for being a spy. He made no further comment.
