Rabbis Fighting Over Breastfeeding On Yom Kippur, Which Falls On National Breast Appreciation Day

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Monday, 7 September 2009

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In New York City, a religious question has led to a cleavage between two major groups over whether or not breast feeding is allowed on Yom Kippur, a national day of fasting for most Jews.

Since this year's "National Breast Appreciation Day" just happens to fall on September 28th, the issue concerns everyone including the top bra makers who do not want to lose the business of any group since the economy is in the jug anyway.

"Wonder Bra supports both tits..uh, groups", stated Bill Avalon, a spokesman for the company. "That is for the two..to uh, get together on and decide. We are neutral. We sell bras to both equally."

Rabbi Roe Bust says that his group, the Yom Cuppers, think that babies do not know the difference and that withholding breast milk from these little ones...big ones...Huge!! oy. These babies should have their mother's milk even on Yom Kippur."

However, Rabbi Melon Sacks stated that being a baby is no excuse. That the babies should learn early to give up a virtual feast for one day of the year. "I began doing this at the tender age of nine because I knew no difference, my father being a gentile."

Rabbi Bust's wife, Ida Mae who is also gentile, says that although they have no young ones, the Rabbi may suck on her breasts if he wishes. "He does all the rest of the year. We do not keep this as if it is the Lent with something you choose to give up, this is specifically food only."

"Just so long as you do not come within 100 feet of a Hooter's Restaurant, it is permissible on Yom Kippur", stated Rabbi Bust.

"So how did Hooters come into it?" asked Rabbi Sacks. "We are avoiding all restaurants on Yom Kipper..uh Kippur. I definitely ask all my followers everywhere to eat nothing on Yom Kipper, even sex is forbidden."

"Even on National Breast Appreciation Day?"

"They should have checked the calendar and had in during Sukkot, when we may feast..even on sex!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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