Earth-Shaking Breakthrough in the Theory of Evolution
A scientist (name withheld) has made a major breakthrough in the theory of evolution - he has collected a legion of chimpanzees and intends to keep them until they become humans. Already the scientist is happy that the chimps are beginning to hobb...
Read full storyPelosi Linked to Abu Ghraib S&M Activities/ Denies Nipple Clips Found in Office Are Hers!
Washington,DC/ S&M Out of the Closet Newz - A Hysterical Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, claimed today that the CIA had planted a variety of S&M costumes and sex toys in her locked confidential office filing cabinet, along with dozens of...
Read full story'Sherlock Holmes and the Flying Pigs of Westminster'
As a thick fog descended on Baker Street in central London, Sherlock Holmes was having tea with his friend and colleague, Dr. Watson, and discussing the sleuth's latest case. 'Dashed disturbing, Holmes', the doctor said, 'I just can't think of how all those Parliamentary expense forms were never checked, or how they were used to steal millions of pounds over many years. We may have to call in t...
Read full storyLies, damned lies and massive great big Prince Jefri Archer whoppers
London - (Carla Brunei Ass Mess): Busty blonde bombshell and Privvy (sic) Council litigation overlord Mary MacDonald has been given the bum's rush. UK Anti-Terror cops booted her out of the prestigeous £150,000 Downing Street sinecure last week...
Read full storyPrince Phillip Prompts Row Over Britain's Got Talent
Prince Phillip started yet another right royal row over his no-holds-barred criticism of ITV favourite Britain's Got Talent. He panned the show as "Bloody appalling rubbish." No stranger to controversy, the Prince revealed that he'd been all set t...
Read full storyBeyonce and Jay Z receive devastating news
Hollywood, CA - Current King and Queen of pop, Beyonce Knowles and Jay Z Zee were last week delivered devastating news by their private accountant: the couple, like many other Hollywood couples, have taken a giant loss in earnings in the past financi...
Read full storyHugh Jackman IS Wolverine, Says Wife!
The Australian actor - who reprised his role as the mutant anti-hero in new movie, The X-Men Origins: Woverine IS Wolverine, according to his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness. Jack did not want to wear that silly spandex suit most of the actors that play...
Read full storyMob Boss Tries To Muscle In On Star Trek Movie
Florida mob boss Tito 'Da Big Titty' Tagliatelle may have bitten off more than he can chew this week when he paid a courtesy call on Spoof writer BuckwheatsButt. As is the norm with 'Da Big Titty' the call wasn't exactly straightforward. BuckwheatsBu...
Read full storyManchester United Eats The Premeire League Cup!
When Manchester United won the British Premeire League, their supporters were over the moon. But days after they had won the competition, when they were at an after party, Rooney (intoxicated) ate off the left handle of the cup. His teammates are...
Read full storyA Day In The Life Of Hazel Blears MP
07:00 - Get up, and have grilled ptarmigan and coleslaw served on silver dishes, with a half-bottle of Dom Perignon champagne 08:00 - Get servant to wash and dry the dishes 09:00 - Wander out into the garden, pleased to see that lots of money is growing on the trees there 10:00 - Play a game of crocquet with John Prescott, another servant holds his mallett for him 11:00 - Husband appea...
Read full storyMPs to lose whore allowance
MPs are to lose the right to claim back any money they have spent on prostitutes whilst working away from home. The right to claim back such expenses, the so called "second hoe allowance", is available for any MP who lives more than a couple of miles...
Read full storyMan worried by dream
A Colchester man has issued complaints of a bad dream. The man - who refused to be named - said he could not remember the details but he awoke with a very strange feeling. He added at one point he was filling out forms. He is now demanding a...
Read full storyInterest rates to be random
The Bank of England today revealed it would cease setting interest rates - with the cost of borrowing set at random. Mervyn King, Bank of England top dog, told reporters outside his West London mansion: "In the current economic environment, if int...
Read full storyZac Efron's Dirty Little Secret
Our journalist Samantha Leese shared an interview with heart throb hunk Zac Efron Here it is: S: So, your movie "17 Again" came out last month, how do you think that went? Z: Oh yeah, great. It was great, I think it went out really well! S: Well, the internet has been saying that you use flavoured condoms with your girlfriend Vanessa, is that so? Z: Ohh, man! S: How do you use th...
Read full storyDog drinks water
A stunning new film posted on the internet has caused international sensation - showing a dog drinking water. The YouTube film shows Donny, a 5-year-old dog of some sort, drinking water from a round bowl. Already the film - entitled Bitch Laps...
Read full storyExpense leak's expenses leaked
The expenses of the House of Commons leak who leaked MPs expenses have been leaked. Civil servent Clare Roundbum's leaked expenses claims show she claimed £384 over 2008 for leeks. "The expenses leak leaked leek expenses show parliament is putr...
Read full storyBa Ba, Blacksheepshire at the heart of the storm over MP's expense scandal
A large, corpulent, beligerent,indignant, self righteous, and unapolagetic sack of horse shit was at the centre of a storm today over its use of public funds to finance several MP's. Other sad sacks claim the offending sack was perfectly capable...
Read full storyJohnny Depp leads Norway to Eurovision Glory then promptly breaks glass Trophy on floor
Legendary actor, Pirate, Fiddle player & folk singer Johnny Depp stepped in at the last minute to lead Norway to an historic Eurovision victory last night. Unfortunately the Ham fisted artiste also managed to damage the Winners Crystal Trophy...
Read full storyThe Chinese years
2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe. Has any one else noticed this ? It gets worse........Next year...... 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - What could go wrong ?...
Read full storySimon Cowell & Donald Trump To Appear On "The View" Stark Naked
According to his only friend, Simon Cowell and equally loved Donald Trump have agreed that since so many people in fandom dislike them both, they thought it would be good for both the American and British people to finally get rid of all that spleen...
Read full storyLily Allen Can't Smile!
When deciding to take the tube to see her boyfriend in the centre of London and she was on her own. She says "I'm a bit haunted, those little fuckers in the London Underground were so mean!!" She also said that passer bys were singing her debut singl...
Read full storySwine Flu Cure Is AIDS
Scientists have been experimenting with a three month old baby girl who had Swine Flu (which originally diagnosed people in Mexico). They diagnosed her with the sexual transmitted disease AIDS and the flu just seemed to disappear. Scientists have...
Read full storySabah VI Al-Awadih Al-Dashtih Al-Sabah to Be Kuwait's First "Mr. Mom"
AL KUWAYT - Gender boundaries have fallen in Kuwait, as the grandson of Kuwait's Emir and former Prime Minister will now assume the role of stay-at-home-dad while his wife Roseel Dashwadhi serves her term in Parliament. Emir Sheikh Sabah IV Al-Ahm...
Read full storySri Lankan Tourist Board offer luxury package holidays to bombed out Tamil Tiger Terrorist regions!
Sri Lankan tour operators are offering package trips to the Tamil Tiger Terrorist regions as a "spicing up" of their tourist industry after all of the claims of genocide and general abuse of human - rights, etc, have caused a slight negative image of...
Read full storyTom Cruise to make 'Last Samurai II'
Filming has finally begun on the long awaited sequel to "The Last Samurai" after Tom Cruise and Billy Connolly agreed to work together again following a bitter fallout during a promotional interview in Hamburg for the first and supposedly last "Last...
Read full storyNew Microphone for Gamers can Mimic Regional Accents
A new microphone for gamers is hitting the market that can change your accent. Now, someone from Ireland can mimic a Californian, and a Californian can sound just like a New Yorker. Yesterday I used it (I'm from Florida) to convince a group of Aust...
Read full storyDonald Trump exposed... as a tool of sinister left!
"America's Boss" Donald Trump, star of his own "Your Fired!" television show may find himself in a media kerfuffle with alleged programming misdeeds. Insiders on the set have yielded documentation that some say is hard evidence for a progressive plan...
Read full storyPope's Wailing Wall Prayer Revealed
Poe Benedict the Sixteenth had an extremely conterntious time in the Holy Land this week. He was subjected to a tirade from a Muslim cleric who seized a microphone and dressed down the Pontiff for poor taste in clothing, his German accent and his unc...
Read full storyJapanese Pay Hundreds of Thousands for Yubari Melons
Every year Japanese melon lovers bid hundreds of thousands of yen for the famous Yubari melons. Men and women from throughout Japan and much of Asia gather for the first look at the delicious melons. Tokyo business man and amatuer comedian Henni Yung...
Read full storyKeyes and Steele Diagnosed with Black Penis Envy
Black Conservatives who thought that they might trade on tokenism to rise to the highest office in the land have been behaving strangely since the election of a black liberal to the White House. Alan keyes once a near model citizen except for t...
Read full storyTribune Barackus Obamasus and The Prisoners of Gitmo
In the days of ancient Rome, the Tribune held the power over life and death in the case of prisoners of the empire.Prior to ascending to the throne, Barackus Obamasus promised that he would not disrespect the lives and fates of the Prisoners of Gitmo...
Read full storyAmericans Say They Are Anti-Death
Anti Abortion forces declared victory in the battle to take away women's control over their fertility once they have had s penis in them. In both the Pew and Yew surveys a majority of US residents sais that they do not like dying...theirs or anyone e...
Read full storyElton John's brother is jealous of Saudi Arabia
Elton John's brother made a statement on national television that he is jealous of Saudi Arabian men because they have four wives in their marriage. Elton John's brother nick named "Lonely Willy" said he has been a homosexual since the age of sev...
Read full storySimon Cowell wants Adam Lambert to be crowned Queen of America
Hollywood California - Simon Cowell wants the United States to crown American Idol screamer Adam Lambert Queen of America. Surly Simon Cowell bantered about the idea of crowning popular singer of American Idol Adam Lambert as Queen of America on h...
Read full storyCarrie Prejean argues Asian I.Q.
Carrie Prejean is arguing against the so called Lynne studies, done in 1977, that claim Chinese have an I.Q. of 105 after she suffered serious health problems when it was discovered she had Chinese drywall installed in her home. Her house has a r...
Read full storyCarrie Prejean Says She Only Wants To Marry a Man
Miss California is not backing down from the answer she gave regarding getting married with only a man. She gave the answer on Sunday night's Miss USA telecast. After giving her answer on Sunday night, Miss Prejean has been receiving horrifying ca...
Read full storyCheney Comes Out Of Lair To Support Torture
Former President of Vice Dick Cheney has come out of his lair to comment publicly lately, an out of character stance for someone famous for always lurking in the background. A topic near and dear to the heart of the VP has lured him out of retirement...
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