Church of Scientology Buys Vatican
The Church of Scientology, founded by the late Science Fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard, proved themselves to be the richest religious organization in the world by purchasing Vatican City from the Catholic Church. The group who bases their beliefs...
Read full storyKamikaze Birds Sabotage Wind Turbines
Atlantic City NJ-- A flock of seagulls deliberately flew into a local wind-farm, killing themselves and crippling several wind turbines. Estimated damage is $1.5 million dollars. Dozens of decapitated seagulls fell to the ground around the farm,...
Read full storyShame of Rubik Cube inventor fraud
Erno Rubik, the Hungarian who had been famous for the invention of the Rubik's cube lost his court case today when the European High Court ruled in favour of Benny Andersson of Abba fame. The court agreed with the evidence presented by Mr Andersso...
Read full storyEx-Yankees' Manager Joe Torre's Revealing Book
LOS ANGELES, California - Joe Torre, the ex-manager of 'The Boys in Pinstripes,' the New York Yankees has written an expose on his old team. The book which will come out Feb. 3 is entitled, 'My Life in Pinstripes - The Gripes, The Hypes, & The...
Read full story26 Reasons Why You Might Want to Change the Way You Think
1. The color drains from people's faces when they see you. 2. Understatement follows you around like it is your shadow. 3. People don't seem to want you in their counties, or near their borders. 4. People cry when they see you in public. 5. People hold up crucifixes when they see you, or point them at your house. 6. A mirror cries when it sees you. 7. An ant appears to tower ove...
Read full storyObama Hears Creepy Sounds Coming From Under White House
It wasn't until the second week of his Presidency that Obama noticed the cackling. He thought it was his imagination, but soon realized it wasn't. Something sinister lay beneath the White House. Obama secretly called in a Kenyan relative who wa...
Read full storyObama Seeks Space Weapons Ban
President Barack Obama's pledge to seek a worldwide ban on weapons in space marks a dramatic shift in U.S. policy while posing the tricky issue of defining whether a satellite can be considered a weapon. Moments after Obama's inauguration last we...
Read full storyObama Annoyed by Oprah, Palin, Blago Scandal
CHICAGO, IL. - Some were surprised when embattled Illinois governer Rod Blagojevich revealed he had considered Oprah Winfrey for the vacant Senate position. Now, authorities have learned Oprah Winfrey planned to use her influence to help propel Rod...
Read full storyCommercial Aircraft Now Safer
NEW YORK (OPP) - Federal aviation officials today announced that all commercial aircraft were grounded until the installation of a new radar system was completed. The manufacturer of the radar has guaranteed it will track herds of birds, and shoo the...
Read full storyGeorge Anthony Threatens Suicide
George Anthony, father of accused killer Casey Anthony, has run away from his Ocala, Florida home and threatened to kill himself. "I can't take it anymore; my wife is driving me nuts," shouted the short-fused white haired ex-cop married to the p...
Read full storyBillions turn to TheSpoof.com as Wikipedia slated for Sen Robert Byrd & Edward Kennedy death notices
Cyberspace - (Daily Ass Mess): Online information resource Wikipedia has been relegated to also-ran status after billions of canny net surfers turned to cutting edge website The Spoof! following recent controversy over obituaries of two well known US...
Read full storyPrince Harry, Chelsy Davy Split!
Chelsy Davy, apparently the "former" girlfriend of Prince Harry, has confirmed to friends reports of their split by changing her profile on her "Facebook" webpage, British media reported on Monday. The 23-year old over the weekend changed her pers...
Read full storySenator Oprah?
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, who has been charged with trying to sell the U.S. Senate seat formerly held by President Barack Obama, now says he considered offering it to talk show star Oprah Winfrey. Blagojevich said on ABC's "Good Morning A...
Read full storyMoney really does make the world go round
Scientists have proved money does in fact make the world go round - in particular the dollar. The gravitational pull of the greenback and the dollar's spread around the world is keeping the globe turning. "Without the dollar spreading across wo...
Read full storyGaza City renamed the Warsaw Ghetto
Today the Israeli government renamed Gaza City as the 'Warsaw Ghetto'. Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said: 'We checked our history books, and realised that Gaza had turned into a place that is very similar to the Warsaw Ghetto. The Nazis took all the Po...
Read full storyBrilliant Police Idea Somehow Fails
Following a rash in car break-ins during the holidays, the Shelbyville, Tennessee police department were stumped on what exactly to do as there were only so many officers to handle all the stores in the area. That was when Officer Fluke Fernburn...
Read full storyBig Ben Goes Digital
A controversial plan to turn Big Ben digital has been unveiled by the Ministry For Putting Things On Top Of Other Things. Under the crackpot scheme,all of Big Bens four faces would be replaced with large LCD panels which would display the time in...
Read full storyEnglish GCSE to allow text speak
In an effort to encourage more children to take their GCSE English exam, the JMB have announced that they will now allow fifteen and sixteen year old children to submit their papers in TxtSpk. It has been widely acknowledged that the literacy of t...
Read full storyScouts mistakingly celebrate Burns Night
A series of mistakes has led to a number of scouts visiting A&E over the past twenty four hours. The first mistake was believing that scouts celebrate Burns Night, when in fact it is Scots that celebrate this famous Scottish and completely ill...
Read full storyNew Host for PMQ8
In a bid to improve ratings, Spike Milligan is being resurrected to star in a revamped "Prime Minister's Question-Time". The new show's catch-phrase will be "What are we goin' to to now? What are we goin' to to now?" Since it slipped below "Big...
Read full storyBush to drive trains
George W. Bush, the forty-third president of the United States, has been asked what he plans to do with his retirement. Other former presidents have gone on to manage huge multinationals, become public speakers, or fade into obscurity. Junior has...
Read full storyMossad operatives abduct seven dwarves in covert Gaza operation.
Israeli security operatives refused to confirm or deny rumours that an undercover operation had been successfully carried out in a combined operation between Mossad agents and Israeli Special Forces. It is claimed the covert operatives have abduc...
Read full storyBBC Apologise Over Ross
The BBC have been forced to apologise after Jonathan Ross mistakenly said something funny. Ross, the current holder of the coveted unfunniest man on the planet award, told a mildly amusing joke in his weekend comeback show shocking listeners and c...
Read full storyMinnesota Divided over State Fruit
ST. PAUL - In a repeat of the contentious battle for ballots between Norm Coleman and Al Franken for a Senate seat, Minnesotans have split once more. The initial tally of votes was so close that it triggered an automatic recount. Out of some 3 mi...
Read full storyMother of kiddie smoker arrested on Benefit Fraud
Kellie Pillock, the mother in the centre of the case of the three year old smoker has been arrested on benefit fraud charges when her 'son' came forward to defend her. It transpired that the three year old in question is actually twenty-three year...
Read full storyIsrael unveils new flag
In a media blitz in Jerusalem last night, Israel unveiled designs for a new flag. "Its to reflect the new modern Israel" said spokesperson Avid Macabee, "we were a nation born out of fear, terror, tyranny and murder, and we felt this new flag shou...
Read full storyLike Father, Like Son
A 175 year old letter was authenticated this week that was written by the father of John Wilkes Booth. Apparently, John turns out to have been just a ship off the old block, as this letter was directed at President Andrew Jackson, and threatened to k...
Read full storySpeed of light wrong
Scientists have finally been able to measure the speed of light, and they have discovered that their original speed was wrong. Ray Luminere of the Paris Academe, Paris, used an advanced version of the same technology that catches speeding drivers...
Read full storyAssFrFred: How could you defend your high school's football recruiting?
Dear A$$FF44giveness, As a loyal supporter and lifelong admirer of your very catholic leadership, I must humbly ask how it is possible that you defended illegal recruiting practices and had the unmitigated gall to appeal the AIAA decision that your school's recruiting policies were in violation of league rules? Your athletic supporter. Dear Jock, It is true that I traveled to Ph...
Read full storyIranian Football Boss Hosted Powder Puff Football
Iranian Football Commissioner Al Tranvestie Swingbothwaysie has been called up before the Holy High Commission for Male Superiority for alleged reports that Al Tranvestie staged an all female Powder Puff Football extravaganza to raise funds for Irani...
Read full storyObama Beanie Buddies Stimulate Sleeping Toy Market and Protests
The toy innovator that has brought the stimulating educational Beanie Buddies, "stress reducing learning figurines" that basically teach children to just lay there and relax, are introducing into the stagnant US toy market Marvelous Malia and Sweet S...
Read full storyGerman Pope Seig Heils Neo-Nazi Bishops
As the One Holy Roman catholic church becomes more and more diunified,sinful and third world, Pope Benedict the sweet sixteen has been reaching out to disaffected members. His latest straying sheep have been not the lunatic left but the fascist far r...
Read full storyScientists Develop Line of Clothing Apparel
In what may be the single most important advancement in the field of sex research for the blind, behavioral and physiological psychologists have developed clothing and provocative underwear designed to enhance the sexual experience of blind people. C...
Read full storyRahm Emanuel Voted Blackest Member of OB Admin
Many remember the really bright high school Afro American guy who was pretty far from cool. he often found some cache with the little tough inner city jew who was vulgar and often obscene. The pair when they hooked up right became a veritable But...
Read full storyZimbabwe inflation declared over
Government officials in Zimbabwe declared victory today over runaway inflation, stating it was finally defeated. To bolster the public's confidence in the nation's currency, Zimbabwe Mint officials issued a 100 trillion dollar coin as evidence demons...
Read full storyFossilized farts unearthed in Egyptian king's tomb
University of Flat U Lence archeologist Ackmed I. Wuzza Arab described locating for the first time several fossilized farts in what is believed by Egytologists to be the actual "intestinal gas" left by Ptolemy the Winded. Applauding what Wuzza Arab c...
Read full storyMan buys car
Bent Fork, Indiana. - There was jubilation in the U.S. car industry when Dr. Arnold Goldstein of Pineneedle County, Sasquahama Falls, Wyoming, bought a new car today. Standing proudly beside his CX420 at the Bent Fork dealership of General Motors...
Read full storyFirst Annual Ponzi Awards Ceremony to be Held
Hollywood CA: The first annual Ponzi Awards Ceremony will be held the same night as the 81st Annual Academy Awards (Oscar Night) festivities. The coveted "Golden Ponzi" will be awarded to only one infamous scam artist who meets the spirit of the orig...
Read full storyObama Ponders Fist Bumping
Washington - President Obama is wrestling with whether or not to allow fist bumping in the Whitehouse. The subject is high on the president's agenda for his first 100 days. "Point being I am not against fist bumping per se, the question is whether...
Read full storyDetroit's Ex-Mayor Set for Comeback
Detroit's disgraced ex-Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, serving a county jail sentence for perjuring himself at a Whistleblower lawsuit in what has been known as the text messaging scandal, is scheduled for release on February 3, 2009. Sources really, rea...
Read full storyCamilla now in "race" row
In a bad month for the Royal Family Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall and Wales and future Queen, has become involved in a race row. In a move which surely be greeted with dismay by Prince Charles, she has refused to award the prizes for the "three-le...
Read full storyMalaysian Woman Smuggles Heroin Under Boobs
Australia has charged a big busted Malaysian woman with attempting to smuggle heroin into Melbourne by hiding the drugs under her boobs. Officials of the Customs Department say they suspected the woman may have been carrying drugs when she arrived...
Read full storyObama Presses for 'Quick Jolt' to Congress; Orszag ordered to issue cattle prods
President Obama on Friday stepped squarely into the fractious mess known as Congress to assemble his $825 bazillion economic recovery package, seeking to quell criticism and squabbling from both parties and to retain leadership on an initiative that...
Read full storyMan Becomes Addicted To 'Bargain Hunt'
A man is in intensive care tonight, after his wife contacted the emergency services when it became clear that he had become addicted to Bargain Hunt. It's the BBC show, fronted by Tim Oneoclock, which entrusts two teams of pairs with £300, and sen...
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