Commercial Aircraft Now Safer

Written by freezer101

Monday, 26 January 2009

image for Commercial Aircraft Now Safer
Photo of one of the birds believed to be involved in crash

NEW YORK (OPP) - Federal aviation officials today announced that all commercial aircraft were grounded until the installation of a new radar system was completed. The manufacturer of the radar has guaranteed it will track herds of birds, and shoo them away. Radar manufacturing President R.U. Grounded claimed the new radar was "foolproof."

News of the FAA requirement comes on the heels of a recent aircraft accident where the pilot had to ditch a really big US Airways jet in the Hudson Bay. All survived the crash except the unfortunate birds. NTSB officials were reconstructing the accident scene but were having problems putting the birds back together.

The once highly secret radar, developed over the past 10 years, requires that an aerodynamic glass bubble be placed on the aircraft's wings just above the engines. Two bird experts with previous experience at the Audubon Society would be hired and placed in the bubbles with a bullhorn. Upon seeing a bird, or a herd of birds, using binoculars specially designed to see fast moving objects, the bird watchers would shoo the birds away with the bullhorn, thus avoiding an accident. PETA officials were jubilant over the development, dubbing the new radar, "The Bird's Best Friend in the Sky."

Officials with the FAA hope the new radar will assist pilots in avoiding this type of accident in the future. For the many people flying in commercial aircraft today, flying the friendly skies has taken on new meaning. Now the wildlife can also call the skies friendly.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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