Hollywood CA: The first annual Ponzi Awards Ceremony will be held the same night as the 81st Annual Academy Awards (Oscar Night) festivities. The coveted "Golden Ponzi" will be awarded to only one infamous scam artist who meets the spirit of the originator.
Charles Ponzi was an early 20th Century entrepreneur, who claimed he was giving investors a portion of the profit he was earning through trade in postal reply coupons. Investigation later revealed that there were no coupons or profits, as earlier notes were paid at maturity from the sale of later ones.
The "Golden Ponzi" is a statuette in the shape of a protruding male human body part! This award is modeled after a trophy cup given by the late Wisconsin Senator William Proxmire, called the Golden Fleece Award, for excesses in government spending. The six "Golden Ponzi" award nominees are:
1. Ken Lay and the Enron Corporation: Obliterated $62 Billion in market value and pension funds. Mr. Lay managed to bankrupt and ruin enough people, who now consider the terms "green energy" and competitive energy costs as dirty four letter words!
2. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton Black Victimization: Frankly, the trustees of the Ponzi Awards are befuddled when it comes to placing a dollar value on the "Black Hole" (sorry Stephen Hawking) these gentlemen have created. Fortunately, there is a new Sherriff in town (sorry Mel Brooks) who says "yes we can."
3. Bernard Madoff Investments LLC: Finagled $50 Billion in investor's money (pension funds, charities, individuals, groups). How much capital was really paid back to investors with their own money has not been determined as yet. A supporting role was played by the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC).
4. New and Improved Social Security: A shortfall in revenue is expected by 2017, whereby more money will be paid out to recipients than is coming into the treasury. Total bankruptcy is predicted by 2041. Originally a good idea from the Great Depression era, until it got loaded with all sorts of extraneous items and has the supporting payroll taxes going into the General Fund, not a "Lock Box." Medicare has already crossed the shortfall threshold.
5. Global Warming Industry: Estimates are that "trillions and trillions" of taxpayer dollars will be spent in the next 50 years to subsidize academics, environmentalists and liberal activists. It is rumored that former Vice President Al Gore would be accepting the award from on board his Carbon spewing private jet, high above the Himalayas.
6. Federal Bailout Legislation: Currently estimated to exceed $2.0 Trillion to bail out financial institutions (Wall Street), the Big 3 automobile manufacturers, bad mortgages (FANNIE MAE and FREDDIE MACK), credit cards and possibly the PORN Industry, plus an economic stimulus package. History suggests that this type of Congressional give away has been going on since at least the building of the Transcontinental Railroad in the 1860s. A supporting role was also played by the SEC.
A five judge panel consisting of Willie Sutton, Jessie James, John Dillinger, Al Capone and Governor Rod Blagojevich of Illinois will determine the ultimate winner. (Representative Barney Frank was unavailable.) The choice is to be based on answering the question "who left the average Jack and Jill holding the biggest sack of smelly organic brown stuff?"
Emperor Harry Reid and Empress Nancy Pelosi will be in attendance wearing clear plastic rain coats, without any clothes underneath, to make a fashion statement about "big spenders." Former President George W Bush will not be attending as a "liberal leave" policy will be in effect. President Obama has been asked to be the Master of Ceremonies from the White House, via his new Personal Data Assistant (PDA).
