Joseph Mengele Diaries Found in South America

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Wednesday, 18 February 2009


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Proof that a boy's face "really would stick like that."

The secret diaries and notebooks of Nazi Doctor Joseph Mengele have been discovered in the library collection of a Catholic Church in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Mengele, known as the Doctor of Death, was responsible for experimentation on Jews in the Nazi death camps (such as Aushwitz).

The diaries were discovered by local police who were looking for child pornography in the private library of a Catholic Monestary outside of Buenos Aires. Historians are now doing research to discover if Mengele ever hid out in that church.

Mengele is known to have moved around South America for several years, living in Paraguay, Argentina, and Brazil before a drowning death in Brazil in 1979.

In the books, the following atrocities are revealed.

July, 1943: "This month, I decided to experiment with some of the cliches' and see if they were really true. We sewed five pound cannonballs into old women's breasts to see if they really could hang down to their knees. I transplanted men's brains to their crotch area so that they really could think with their penis. I cut off noses and sewed them back on upside down so that people could drown in their own snot. We took a boy and softened the bones in his skull to see if his race really could "stick like that" when he made ugly faces. All of these old sayings are really true. What a great acheivement for science!"

November, 1943 "Do you know how hard it is for teenage boys to masturbate when you sew their arms on backwards? They still find a way! It does, however, make wiping their ass easier, which cuts down on racing stripes. I feel that this change may make mothers and laundry women happier"

December, 1943 "We found a man that really was hung like a horse. We put him in the stall of a barn and grafted a tail onto him. He developed a liking for oatmeat cookies and always had hay fever."

March, 1944 "We gave a woman half a dozen breasts, like a cat or dog or some other lower animal. She could feed a whole group of kids with her six pack."

June, 1944 "We gave people eyes in the backs of their heads. They all complained about the hair in their eyes, so that's when we started shaving the heads. We also put thier tongues in thier assholes. When we did it, they said that everything they ate tasted like shit afterwards."

The diaries also include entries that say that Mengele continued his experiments in South America. He states that he enjoyed "the nude beaches" because he could best look at "natural bodies that could provide information and contribute to science." He also said that he enjoyed "the big titties and dark nipples of the South American women."

Due to one of the late entries from 1978, it can now be known for certain that Mengele is the creator of "The Brazilian." He was attempting to make this genetic, but died before achieving that success. This contribution to society and knowledge, however, is probably the only one that will be remembered fondly.

Obscure references in a volume that covers the late 50's and the 60's may reveal the true birth origins of Barack Obama, the U.S. President who has been unable to produce a birth certificate.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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