Funny story written by Skews Me

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

image for Suits

It's said a suit makes the man, but I have to argue that the man makes the suit. Suits are considered the professional attire of businessmen, but I beg to differ that they're the uniform of conformists. Sure they may look good when suited to a specific region and time, but in all actuality they are just overpriced if not dangerous clothing.

It doesn't seem that long ago that the cut of the jib (so to speak) varied greatly than what is considered sheik today, and even contemporary suits from different countries may look out of place elsewhere. A Frenchman, for example, who guest lectured at my college looked antiquated in his stylish French-cut wardrobe as the Italian style seems more palatable to American tastes.

But what's a suit without a tie? Often a bolt of silk is noosed around one's neck all day cutting off the circulation to the brain all in the hope that that modern day codpiece substitute looking good might mean a big promotion down the line regardless of any actual performance. It's all who you know, right? And first impressions are the only ones that matter?

I long to see Hollywood actually show what a power tie can do when a thug grabs hold of it throwing the man with tons of money to the ground and stealing his overpriced billfold and other accoutrements. It'd even be fun to see the suit's finger get lopped off for that two ounce gold ring studded with diamonds that won't move past his knuckle.

So men wearing suits are supposed to be professional? It was shortly after I started college that I happened upon the biggest stoner from my old high school decked out in a suit and tie and couldn't help but bust a gut in laughter at how oxymoronic he appeared. But that's nothing compared to what I've seen of other men in suits.

One day during the heyday of my career among many of my lifts home from another underrated employee from our job, I wish I hadn't seen a suit in an expensive car along side us pick his nose and eat the bugger. That image burned deeply into my brain as suits are supposed to be better than the rest of us, no? I tried to convince myself back then that it must be just an anomaly, but when every suit I passed in the washroom while working at Microsoft never rinsed their hands after using the lavatory, I couldn't help but think that these are the men who make shaking hands a duly part of their daily habits.

Again I say it's the man that makes the suit and not the other way around. That corporations will require a suit and tie as the stock uniform for all employees when it's the creative types loathing that construct who actually produce the bottom line, I feel a serious rethinking of the so-called status quo needs to be called to order.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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