Green goo identified from British Isles
The mysterious jelly-like green substance found in spots around the British Isles this past month has finally been identified. First publicised by IainB at TheSpoof.com, authorities were unable to determine what it was. Tagging the goo, "Thatcher...
Read full story1-seater smart forone Car Planned
A car manufacturer has bought the rights to 1960's classic Peel P50 microcar to make the smart forone. Following yesterday's coverage of the new clockwork smart fortwo, we can today report that it has also been announced that the manufacturer will...
Read full storyWomen to be extinct by 2027
In a recent study completed at the University of Stalybridge in England, the scientists have revealed that female gender of the human species would become extinct by the year 2027. The findings revealed by the CASRC - Centre for Angered Species Re...
Read full storyHorse Statue is a Load of Manure
Residents have expressed fears that they may be dumped on from a great height by a giant horse statue - dubbed the 'Angel of the South' - planned for erection in Ebbsfleet, Kent. A local community group, led by Amrelie Thrick, has so far gathered...
Read full storyFellow Bongers Of Aqua-Man Phelps Arrested After Bong Placed On eBay
Local Sheriff Bradley Davidson has been taking a lot of heat after the photos of disgraced Olympian Michael Phelps smoking a bong were seen 'round the world in 24 hours. The now famous party took place in November in Butler County at a house on Ha...
Read full storyRepublicans set to make history
In an effort to make election history much like the democrats did in 2008, the Republican party is prepared to go in their party what the Democrats accomplished by getting Barack Obama president. They're going to nominate Juan Carlos Jose Manueal...
Read full storyNumber Of Overweight U.S. Troops Double
The number of troops diagnosed as overweight or obese has more than doubled since the start of the Iraq war, yet another example of stress and strains of continuing combat deployments, according to a recent Pentagon study. "This is serious", state...
Read full storyGiant sheep to be "Angel of the West"
Yet another art commission has been, er, commissioned, this time for the West of the country in Welsh Wales. The "Swansea Sheep", dubbed the Angel of the West - or to give its official title - shaggus wasteus publicus moneycus - was designed by a...
Read full storyAnally Retentive Man Explodes
Quincy Puckernut, author of "The Anally Retentive Man", nearly expired in his home late yesterday while editing his second novel titled, "Your Life Will Never be Perfect". Police were called to the scene after a concerned neighbor reported hearing...
Read full storyEllen DeGeneres And Her Wife To Adopt Octuplets
BEVERLY HILLS, California - In a surprising move, talk show host Ellen DeGeneres, 51, has announced that she and Mrs. DeGeneres, aka Portia de Rossi, 36, are adopting the famous octuplets. Ellen recently met the octuplets' mother at a local Subway...
Read full storyEverton star is new MTV recruit
Famous Brazilian International? Failed Manchester City striker? Everton's hope for the future? Actually, the Breakdance King might be a better way to describe Goodison's gangly new striker Jo, as news was revealed of a move by MTV to recruit him for...
Read full storyGeorge W Bush to get US London ambassador job in GOP $850BN bail out deal
Washington AC/DC - (Holy Shit! Mess): President Obama is poised to give predecessor George W Bush the prize job of US ambassador to London in a deal with Republican senators to pass the controversial $850 billion stimulus package. Bush will take u...
Read full storyMysterious Jelly Update
The 'Mysterious Jelly' saga took a new turn today when a second reporter followed up the recent excellent coverage. The green jelly-like substance which has been spotted all over the UK has appeared around the same time as the current period of sn...
Read full storyAnother racism row as 'Angel of South' is big white whorse
Ebbsfleet, Kent - (Equine Ass Mess): A new racism row erupted today as ex-Turner Prize winner Mark Wallinger's giant white whorse (sic) won a new £20 million SE England pubic art commission dubbed the 'Angel of the South'. The 164ft carbon-fibre s...
Read full storyPorn star Stormy Daniels vows to 'join all the other whores in the Senate'
Washington AC/DC - (Horny Ass Mess): Enormous-bosomed peroxide porn star Stormy Daniels has vowed to 'join all the other whores in the Senate' by challenging David Ritter for the Louisiana Senator's seat. "My hot ass is a lot perkier than that abs...
Read full storyWhy Does It Always Rain On Me? - The Answer
Travis asked the question. Why does it always rain on me, they sang, in their plaintive Scottish lilt. Fair question. Why is it that it always seems to be pissing down with rain in Britain? Now, a research team of brainy boffins with nothing else...
Read full storyLovable Barney gunned down in cold blood
Compton, CA - Barney, the lovable, iconic, purple dinosaur of the popular PBS television show loved the world over, has been assassinated. Taking credit for the hit just hours ago was a group calling itself, "Two To The Head Club" led by the noto...
Read full storyWorld Unfair to US
A recent survey has shown that the United States is being unfairly connected with the world economic downturn and as the cause of the banking crisis. Headlines such as 'US Toxic Debt Ruins World Economy', 'US Institution Responsible for Biggest Fr...
Read full storyReal Madrid deny they are a racist club
As England prepare to face Spain in Sevilla, Real madrid have come out fighting against accusations that they are a racist club. The reason the game is being played in Seville and not in Madrid is because of monkey chanting against England's black...
Read full storyArizona Cardinals To Change Colors
PHOENIX, Arizona - After almost pulling off a Super Bowl upset, the Arizona Cardinals are looking for ways to improve their team for next season. The Cardinals who lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers 27-23 have fired their defensive coordinator Clancy...
Read full storyNo Bishnek On Maps, Another Madoff Scheme?
Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan's parliament will delay a vote on expelling U.S. troops from an important base there until it receives $450 million in aid and loans promised by Russia, a lawmaker said Monday. "We're open to the highest bidder", stated Communi...
Read full storySwitch to Horse And Buggies Delayed Again
Detriot - The big Three US Auto-makers have followed the lead of their foreign counterparts in agreeing to delay the introduction of horse drawn carriages for the US market. The planned conversion from horse power to horse-drawn power has been in the...
Read full storyMustapha Kamir - Barnsley's Angel of Peace
Mustapha Karim, previously thought to be the world's unluckiest man, has begun his quest to bring peace to the war-torn Middle East in a somewhat undiplomatic fashion. Within 10 minutes of the start of the first of several planned summits between...
Read full storyThe moon is not real
In shocking news today, NASA have admitted that the moon landings were fake, but not because they could not make it to the moon, but because the moon is fake. "We actually did go to the moon," said Professor Boffin of JPL's San Andreas lab. "But w...
Read full storyFormer NASA scientist discover the Greatest Thing
59 years old Albrect Oltemrz, former NASA's chief scientist of the Cosmic Exploratory Research (CER), one of the major branches of JPL. As a child, Oltemrz who came from Germany showed extraordinary talent, by age 1 he was able to speak fluent Ge...
Read full storyBalls in Honesty Shocker
Downing Street has sought to downplay remarks made by (soon-to-be-ex) Cabinet Minister Ed 'Blinky' Balls, in which he allegedly said something honest. Mr Balls, a former economic adviser to Gordon Brown (which says a great deal) and Brown's curren...
Read full storySnowmen are sexist! - EU pen pushers declare snowy tradition illegal
Thousands of innocent people have been building snowmen during the current artic weather unaware that they have been breaking the law by only building snowMEN. Euro MP, the Rt. Hon. Norma Snockers MEP, has highlighted the UK's flagrant disregard f...
Read full storyThe Mysterious Jelly
Around the British Isles as the snow melts, a strange jelly like substance is coming to light in several areas of the country. And this is not the first time it's been spotted. The jelly substance contains no identifiable DNA, and resists all atte...
Read full storyJohnny Depp To Star As A Gay Mexican Astronaut
HOLLYWOOD, California - Columbia Pictures in association with Mexico's Guacamole Films has just announced that Johnny Depp will be starring in their motion picture "Gay Jose, Can You See By The Dawn's Early Light?" The movie which will be shot dow...
Read full storyIsraelis Threaten to Bomb Lincoln and Midtown Tunnels; the Chunnel is still on the Table
In the midst of Israeli attacks on the tunnels of Gaza, some news sources close to the Israeli armed forces said that there are plans already in place to attack NYC's Lincoln and Midtown tunnels and England's chunnel. Israeli military expert, G...
Read full storySome Suspect that Rachel Reid is too pretty for Human Rights watch
Inquiring minds across John Bull's island are burning up with the torrid tale of a gorgeous Human Rights watch worker named Rachel Reid and a handsome British army Colonel McNally. It seems that Reid managed to get her little paws on military se...
Read full storyObama Brings Monica Lewinsky's Package : I Told You I Could Stimulate!
Barack Obama has more Clintonites in his cabinet than three pointers in his score book. He drwams of having the Clinton surplus and has been known to stain the sheets over the two term democratic archetype from Hope, Arkansas. The gathering force of...
Read full storyFCUX News Substitutes Bush News Conference for Obama Press Debut
FCUX News network, whose slogan is all the news that our reporters can distort, came up against a puzzlement while airing President Obama's first news conference. After the first question brought a ten minute display of eloquence and intelligence fro...
Read full storyIndulgences and Ejaculations Revived by Sin Conscious Vatican't
Jesus, Mary and Joseph was the favorite ejaculation of catholic school children of the 1950's because it carried more indulgences than other short quick prayers like Jumpin Jehosophat and Mama mia Duse Botsa. After the Vatican council the sequel the...
Read full storyPresident Obama announces White House layoffs
Washington D.C.- President Barack Obama announced White House layoffs today blaming Republicans in Congress. "I can't believe the Republicans in Congress. They refuse to set aside partisan politics, bitter in-fighting, and all-around rude behav...
Read full storyUS State Legislators to Stand Down in CY 2010
Washington DC: An emergency session of the 2009 State Governors Conference was held here. The 50 state governors agreed to each issue Gubernatorial Executive Orders that would bail out their state's ailing economy. The 50 state governors and all...
Read full storyPresident Obama pledges $5000 cheque for every U.S. household in 'Stimulus Bill' Amendment
In a dramatic and somewhat desperate attempt to stimulate the American economy the new administration have announced an emergency amendment to the stimulus bill due to pass through the senate on Tuesday. President Obama outlined the radical fiscal...
Read full storySmut for 10p
Ned Roseday, the BBC's chief Charities correspondent, today hit out at Amazon who have launched the latest version of their Kindle electronic book. The book can hold electronic versions of up to 1500 titles. "Charity shops exist almost exclusivel...
Read full storyMarried Couple Use "Dying Raccoon" Position
In January, a North Carolina couple were given sanctions by a local city council because their loud, long sex sessions disturbed neighbors on two different floors of their apartment building. Robert and Annabelle Bratsky were issued a noise abate...
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