US State Legislators to Stand Down in CY 2010

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

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Shovel Ready

Washington DC: An emergency session of the 2009 State Governors Conference was held here. The 50 state governors agreed to each issue Gubernatorial Executive Orders that would bail out their state's ailing economy.

The 50 state governors and all the associated legislators will take no salaries in 2010. The length of the state legislative sessions will be shortened to one week, but legislators are not required to show up. The 2009 year budgets will be extended by the governors to cover 2010 with no funding increases, possibly including a 10% reduction in taxes as a state sponsored stimulus package.

The 50 state legislatures will refrain from passing any new laws next year. There will be no new programs or spending, no new taxes on salt, sugar, soft drinks, gasoline, fast food, snacks Transfats or Carbon. There will be no bans on plastic bags, using cell phones or text messaging while driving. "Shovel Ready Programs" will be undertaken by all available state workers, eliminating the need for any furloughs or layoffs.

Additionally, there will be no state committee, commission or board hearings and no activists or lobbyists will be allowed to enter the various state capitol buildings.

Each state governor will host a drinks and/or cigars only meeting at the end of the week long legislative session to thank those legislators who came to the capitol and did nothing. Everyone, including the governors will then take the rest of the year off, except if running for reelection.

President Obama has been informed that Federal funds need not be sent to any of the states, thus reducing the size, scope and cost of any pending Federal Stimulus Packages.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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