Tim Robbins Finally Dumps Susan Sarandon
VENICE BEACH, California - Well it was bound to happen sooner or later. Tim Robbins has ended his 23 year relationship with Susan Sarandon. Robbins stated that he and Sarandon will remain close because of their two boys, Joyful, 21, and Malarkey,...
Read full storyJessica Simpson Performs Candle Ear-Posuction On Herself
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Singer, actress, and now fat doctor, Jessica Simpson performed a candle ear-posuction procedure on herself in the privacy of her own Hollywood Hills home. Candle ear-posuction involves placing a candle in an ear and lighting the...
Read full storySusan Boyle Products Turn Out To Be The Biggest Christmas Sellers On Both Sides of The Atlantic
CHICAGO - One of the world's leading research study groups, The Pandora's Box Research Study Agency, with offices in Chicago and London, has just announced that the biggest selling Christmas products for the 2009 holiday season have been Susan Boyle...
Read full storyBoy George Bush banned from Celeb Big Bro
London - (KarmaChamaeleon): Dismissing an application to allow the entertainer - real name George O'Dowd Bush - to run amok on Channel Four next month Mr Justice Bean today said "WTF?" Bush, 69, wanted to overturn a Probation Service ban preventi...
Read full storySucidal Schumi returns to Formula 1 and declares "I want to die happy!"
The spectacular news that Michael Schumacher is returning to F1 racing has shaken the sport by its foundations. "Schumi" 41 years old is a veteran and needs a Zimmerframe to hoist him into the car, but he is convinced he will win again and fulfill...
Read full storyBig Toy This Christmas will be a Lump of Coal
Children all over the nation will all dream of awaking this coming Christmas morning to the joys of black hands and fun of fossil fuels. Coal is in big demand with boys and girls as they turn their backs on X-boxes and Barbies. One well-known t...
Read full storyWhy do things go Bump in the Night?
We asked an expert in all things paranormal to explain to us why creepy, normally unexplainable night time events should go 'Bump' rather than make a more scary and threatening sound such as 'Grrrrr' or 'Arrrgggghhhhhhh!!!!" Professor Lederhosen s...
Read full storyTiger Woods Asks For The Fart Test!
Tiger Woods finally called for a press conference today and reporters were shocked when Woods revealed that some one had cloned him and set the clone loose to win bets and try to destroy his reputation. "I didn't want to come forward with this bec...
Read full storyLeading Scientist - "Water causes cancer"
Today scientists have announced that they have discovered a major breakthrough in Cancer research. For years cancer researchers worldwide have strained their minds looking for a common denominator to link all forms of cancer. Today leading onc...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Says She's Not Monogamous in Marriage, But You Still Don't Have A Chance
Hollywood, CA - Angelina Jolie, actress and wife to Brad Pitt, told Das Neue magazine that she doesn't believe in monogamy and that she and Brad Pitt live in an open marriage. "I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship... Ne...
Read full storySimon Cowell Leaving American Idol for Priesthood
Shocking American Idol fans and entertainment industry executives alike, Simon Cowell has announced that he will be leaving the lucrative television franchise, as well as his other music industry ventures to become a Catholic Priest. In a brief pr...
Read full storyTiger Woods To Buy European Country of Liechtenstein - Plans To Live There With Holly Sampson
ORLANDO - Tiger Woods business manager Upton Courtquist has verified that the rumors about Woods purchasing a European country are in fact true. Courtquist stated that he has been in contact with representatives of the tiny European country of Lie...
Read full storyRandy Quaid and Wife Evi Are Wanted For Holding Up An Ice Cream Shop In Rio Bravo, Texas
RIO BRAVO, Texas - Actor Randy Quaid and his wife Evi are wanted on suspicion of holding up a Snow Queen Shop in Rio Bravo. SQ manager Navarro Coverletter said that he was in the back counting ice cream cones when he heard someone yell out, "This...
Read full storyTerrorist Terrorised By Mom
Potential suicide bomber Ali Von Bastard was stopped dead in his tracks today by his mom as he set out to wreak havoc on the world. "And where do you think you're going dressed like that?" Mrs Von Bastard called from the kitchen as she prepared du...
Read full story"Ninja" Found Hoisted On Pole Up His Ass!
It would be embarrassing for anyone, but for a "Bruce Lee" fan who claimed to be a ninja, it was hard to call for police help but he had little choice. He was stuck on a fence with a metal fence post up his ass! Police in Seattle, Washington say...
Read full storyJude Law Upstages Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes
It was a friendly competition on the set of the epic Sherlock Holmes movie, as both Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. looked for opportunities to steal scenes throughout filming. Based on early feedback from pre-screening audiences around the world, it...
Read full storyIs Taylor Swift's New Song "Howlin'" About Taylor Lautner?
"Mama says he's a wolf, Decked out in sheep's clothing That he's a wolf on the prowl... But I love to hear him howl!" Although she's just turned 20-years-old, Taylor Swift seems much younger, as she still listens to her mother about her datin...
Read full storyMayweather Drops Fight with Pacquiao
Following failed attempts to place drug testing measures and additional training restrictions on Manny Pacquiao in advance of the highly touted "Fight of the Decade", Floyd Mayweather's management team has announced their preference to drop the fight...
Read full storyScience Proves Texting While Driving Dangerous
Science has triumphed again. The University of Life in Utah has published a study which details why texting (sending SMS messages on a cellular phone) while driving an automobile is dangerous. "Forward lateral control is markedly reduced," said P...
Read full storyFears over Queen's Christmas Day suicide pact
Sandringham, Norfuk - (YuleBeSorry!): A karmic Sun/Pluto conjunction on Christmas Eve is needling Hellfire Club fatcats. Paranoid that it may trigger the Coronation Oath harakiri clause the ancient monarchy-meddling cult is on suicide-pact standby...
Read full storyNY Snowstorm Puts Freeze on Plan to Stage Topless Protest
Brooklyn, New York: Angry that a Brooklyn bike lane had been eliminated, a group of female bicyclists had planned the topless protest. But that was before the arrival of snow, howling winds, slippery streets, and frigid temperatures. Instead of st...
Read full storyDannii Minogue Says She Resents Living In Cheryl Cole's "Nude" Shadow
LONDON - X-Factor judge Dannii Minogue revealed to her hairdresser that she is beginning to resent living in Cheryl Cole's nude shadow. Minogue said that every time she picks up The London Hand-Held Daily Mirror, The Nottingham Messenger, or The P...
Read full storyPaul McCartney's Ex Heather Mills To Skate On Dancing On Ice
LONDON - Heather Mills, the ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney, will be one of 14 celebrity contestants competing in the 2010 edition of Dancing On Ice. Mills received £24.3 million [$37.7 million U.S.] in her divorce settlement from the former Beatle.
Read full storyCIA Chief Tries to Figure Out What He's Getting for Christmas
Undisclosed location, USA - Leon Panetta, Director of the Central Intelligence Agency, has set up a special group of crack agents to figure out what he's getting from his wife for Christmas. Panetta, whose package weighs approximately six and a h...
Read full storyBoy George And Susan Boyle To Record A Duet Single
LONDON - Boy George, who spent 18 months incarcerated at London's Petula Clark Prison For Blokes, has just announced that Susan Boyle has agreed to record a single with him. George Alan O'Dowd says that ever since he first saw Susan perform on Bri...
Read full storyTAG Heuer Stands with Tiger Woods
SwissAssMess - Swiss Opus Dei storefront watchmaker TAG Heuer has announced it's new slogan "TAG Heuer Stands with Tiger Woods." While Heuer has shown unwavering commitment to the golfing sensation throughout his fall from grace Mr. Woods has not...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Highly Embarrassed My Mates
After the recent brouhaha over the flashing incident reported in Nashville Newspapers and in the Hollywood gossip sections, Miley Cyrus finished her week in still another embarrassing situation. It was an old trick, but because this gal hasn't ha...
Read full storyFeminist Angered by Fugitives List
Put a face to the word "evil," and it will probably have a toothbrush mustache and a comb-over. Or, in this post-9/11 era, a white turban above an unkempt beard, the pairing barely visible through the narrow aperture of a spider hole. Even if you con...
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