We asked an expert in all things paranormal to explain to us why creepy, normally unexplainable night time events should go 'Bump' rather than make a more scary and threatening sound such as 'Grrrrr' or 'Arrrgggghhhhhhh!!!!"
Professor Lederhosen said that it was 'a mystery'.
Frankly we thought this answer a bit shit so we delved further into the origins of this peculiarity using our combined investigative journalistic powers.
Growing bored of lounging about in dusty old libraries we went to the pub and after a few hours on the piss we returned to my boyfriend's house and did a Google search.
What we discovered was that ghosts, it seems, are pussies.
No, we do not mean that they are cats, but instead that they are wusses, big girls blouses, wimps.
Ghosts have no teeth and are as toothless as a newborn human child.
They cannot form harsh words or sentences such as 'fuck off out of me house!' or 'bastards'.
Instead they must resort to the more rounded vowel words such as 'bump' and 'boo'.
Pulitzer here I come.
