HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Singer, actress, and now fat doctor, Jessica Simpson performed a candle ear-posuction procedure on herself in the privacy of her own Hollywood Hills home.
Candle ear-posuction involves placing a candle in an ear and lighting the outside wick which will in turn allow the heat to suck the fat molecules from underneath the skin found in the ear canal.
As the instructions on the Internet site clearly state, the key to this type of self candle ear-posuction is to make sure that you remember this handy little phrase: Flat side of candle in - candle wick out.
Jessica who has been prone to a roller coaster weight loss and weight gain process has been very concerned about the weight that she has recently put on in her ears area, especially in her ear lobes, which have grown to three times the size of a normal woman for her height, weight, IQ, and hair color.
Simpson said that it is a characteristic trait that both her and her sister, the lip syncing Ashlee, inherited from their mother's side of the family.
When asked why she just didn't go a licensed doctor Jessica laughed and said that she read all about the procedure on the Internet and figured that if Paris Hilton can do it then she can too.
Paris Hilton remarked to Internet blogger Perez Hilton that even though she saved about $400 doing it herself she almost came very close to burning down her $2.9 million Beverly Hills Mansion, which once was the home of Mickey Rooney, Clark Gable, Babe Ruth, and before that President Abraham Lincoln.
Jessica said that she knows that she is a whole lot smarter than Paris Hilton so she had no problem with doing the candle procedure herself.
The whole candle ear-posuction was filmed by her publicist, Heckley Purvinski, who acts very gay, but who actually insists that he isn't, even though his live-in partner Hanky Klistonberg says that when the two go river tubing they only use one tube.
In other news. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was asked if she had, had breast enhancement surgery over the Thanksgiving holidays. Mrs. Pelosi said that she has never had anything done to her breasts except for the usual male-to-female fondling and caressing that goes along with normal male-to-female intimate relations.
