Alan Partridge - From Norwich To New York
An informed source told us today that comedian and actor Steve Coogan is planning a blockbuster new movie featuring his most famous creation, crap local radio DJ, Alan Partridge. And the movie is to be set and filmed in New York. Which raises some...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus has secret desire
Miley Cyrus told 'celebrity news' of the secret desire she has had for the last twelve years. Cyrus says for the last twelve years she has been dreaming of eating a German bockwurst hotdog. She said she grew up on Oscar Mayer hot dogs, which...
Read full storyTiger Woods Life Is In The Sand Trap - He's Placed On Suicidal Watch
ORLANDO - It appears that charter members of The Tiger Woods "Scorecard Club" continue to come out of the woods, the woodwork, and the woodshed. Tiger Woods personal manager and spokesperson Upton Courtquist has reportedly lost his voice from the...
Read full storyTiger Woods borrows Prince Jefri's orgy yacht 'Tits'
Orlando, Fla - (Gonads): "Elin's hired a sniffer dog hitsquad! She's strip searching the boat for stowaway hookers!" Tiger Woods complained on his cellphone today. The golfing champ's website had just announced that Woods was giving up sex for th...
Read full storyTiger Woods, the porn movie of Hollywood
Hollywood, Los Angeles: Tyler Knight will be starring as Tiger the golfer, and Kayden Kross will be starring as Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, in this big movie to be financed by Tiger's major sponsors. With the multiple extramarital affairs, with...
Read full storyQueen sympathizes with Tiger Woods "annus horribilis". Urges him to "keep a stiff upper lip"
BUCKINGHAM PALACE: Tiger Woods has found a new sympathizer in HRH QE2. Sir Wobbly of Smelling-Bottomley, a spokesperson for her Majesty, urging paparazzi to give the Royals some privacy told this reporter: "Her Majesty is very sympathetic to Ti...
Read full storyX Factor Shocker
The X Factor was rocked to its foundations tonight after pre-pubescent girls' favourite Joe "Way Aye" McElderry was rushed to hospital with a mysterious suppurating growth on his cheek. McElderry, 2 and a half, went down with the mysterious afflic...
Read full storyVideo Game Violence Slated
The Cycle's Electronic Entertainment Correspondent Arbuthnot Flange-Plate reports: A sudden upswing in teenage violence has led to rabid calls for the banning of violent video games. Sir Waldorf Qum-Buquet Liberal Peer for spoiling peoples' fun...
Read full storyDemocrat, GOP Senators Hospitalized After Hurting Selves on Health Care Bill; Back injury, infected paper cut delay vote further
Washington, D.C. - Senator Jack Reed (D-RI) and Senator Richard Burr (R-NC) were both hospitalized this week for health complications tied to the Seante health care bill. Senator Reed suffered a back injury lifting the 2,000 page bill and Burr suffer...
Read full storySnow White (Adult)
Snow White was desperate for a fuck she went to the woods to try her luck. She'd almost given up looking, when she saw some chimney smoke, then she stumbled on the cottage, and went in for a poke. Her clothes came off in seconds. and she'd just removed her pants, when seven dwarfs came marching in, with a merry song and dance. Snow White just stood there speechless, and thought sh...
Read full storySponsor makes a mistake by ousting Tiger
NEW YORK - A major sponsor of Tiger Woods will phase the world's most valuable athlete out of its advertisements because they sell shavers to hairless women and lesbians . "As Tiger takes a break from the public eye, we will support his desire fo...
Read full storyHomeless Acknowledge Economic Woes
LAS VEGAS: With indications that the economy is improving since President Obama initiated different economic programs earlier this year, many financiers and political figures remain optimistic with a continuous improvement within the state of the eco...
Read full storyPalin Agrees to Debate Al Gore On Climate Change: Will Speak In Tongues
Sarah Palin has announced after days of excuses and complaints that she would not be treated fairly in a debate with Al Gore has decided that she would, indeed, debate him on climate change. Said Palin, "I know what their plans are and that is to...
Read full storyJesus Tips Twenty Percent Plus
JUPITER, FL- Jesus Christ was reported tipping 20 percent or more on a recent visit to a local neighborhood restaurant. Jesus was seen dining at Le Metro Neighborhood Bistro in Jupiter, Florida, Friday evening, at around eight o'clock. "This is su...
Read full storyTiger Flees To Sweden, Land Of The Blonds!
Tiger Woods latest stunt is to flee to Blondland, Sweden, instead of answering questions or appearing in public, and has stated a fond fare-thee-well to fans and fellow golfers. According to the message he left UP2 and others: "You whole bunc...
Read full storyCop Leaves Living Will Asking to Be Brought Back As Cyborg; Unwilling to live life as vegetable, cop would rather be robotic law enforcer
Baltimore, MD - Baltimore police officer Dan Gorgonowicz, a ten year veteran of the police force, recently filled out a living will asking that in the event of substantial injury or mutilation on the job he be taken off hospital life support and beco...
Read full storyCopenhagen Sees Climate Change Protests
Thousands of people have flown to Copenhagen this week to join today's protest about climate change. The protesters say that world leaders are not doing enough to combat global warming. One of the organisers of the protest, Cnut Cnutsson spoke exc...
Read full storySanta Claus files suit against U.S.
North Pole - Santa Claus has filed a class action lawsuit against the United States stemming from what Santa says was specific targeting of him, his sleigh and his reindeer. Santa Claus claims that last Wednesday he was doing preliminary flig...
Read full storyGays Confused about Global Warming
London (AP) Based on surveys in and around the city this past week it appears that gay men are having the most trouble of any single group in concerns about, so-called, "climategate" and global warming. Why this is occurring is a mystery to gay soci...
Read full storyGordon Brown Enters World Record Books
Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has entered the world record books for the very first time. He is now holder of the record for being 'the most generous SCOTSMAN of all time'. For most of this year, Mr Brown has been likened to a football pools winner,...
Read full storyTiger Woods Quits Golf to Concentrate on Shagging
In a statement on his web-site which has rocked the world of golf, Tiger Woods announced: "I need to give the golf a rest - I'm knackered". He cited the demands of his wife and 78 girlfriends as the reason for this decision. "My swing has deter...
Read full storyWoody Allen Loves The Twilight Movies, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus
Famous director Woody Allen says that the new Twilight movies are sensational. "They are great. I wonder how old those young girls are? They all look young. I'm trying to reach out to young actresses and see if I can help them up." Woody also s...
Read full storyTiger: 'I have blue balls'
In a private confidential interview, Tiger Woods said he has 'blue balls'. 'I'm hiding from the press. My wife's run off. All my mistresses are pissed off at me. Lawyers want to serve me with papers. I haven't had sex for two days', Tiger said.
Read full storyGigantic Transport Plane A Currency Bust
The long awaited Airbus MegalA 400 M Transport Plane failed to lift off in its debut today in Seville. The Paul Bunyan sized monstrosity was designed to carry 800 tanks, 600 Jeeps and 5000 troops to any airport worldwide. With all engines roaring...
Read full storyClimate Change Deniers Strike Their Tents
Dateline Copenhagen. Global Warming and Climate Change Deniers have unconditionally surrendered to the Settled Science Consensus. A spokesman for the Deniers, Rudy Waltz, announced they have examined the research of the advocates of stopping th...
Read full storyBreathing Linked To Pinworms Disease
A new report from the Surgeon Colonel is that they have completed a major study that links breathing to Pinworms Disease. "It's almost 100%", stated S.G. to this reporter. "Two in the study have disappeared and we can't find them, but 100% of the...
Read full storySusan Boyle: Elvis I Saw Was Naked
"You all are just jealous because when I saw Elvis that time, he was naked as a jaybird." This comes from singer sensation Susan Boyle when asked about her being one of tens of thousands of people who have claimed they saw Elvis Presley, in inter...
Read full storyAl Gore Looses His Carbon Credits in a Stolen Climategate Email to Copenhagen.
Along with all the raw data that was deleted by the University of East Angela which showed that global temperatures have actually dropped over the last ten years, thus proving that man made global warming was a scam; Al Gore also has also had his car...
Read full storyX-factor's Joe McElderry says "Yes. The rumours are all true"
Joe McElderry has confirmed today that the rumours about him are all true. He is a Vampire, and those pointy teeth aren't just a coincidental dental misfortune. "I'm not a bad vampire, though." He says. "I'm a cheeky Geordie Vampire, and we're...
Read full storyPorn Star Joslyn James Agrees To Appear On Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - One of the producers of Dancing With The Stars has just announced that one of Tigers Woods "Golf Gals" Joslyn James has agreed to be a contestant on the upcoming season of the dance reality show. Producer Bernadette Penderlicki said th...
Read full storyArantxa Sanchez-Vicario Ordered to Pay 5.1 Mil in Back Taxes
Earlier today, a raspy looking Sanchez-Vicario was found by a Spanish court to have evaded paying $ 5.1 Million dollars in taxes to Spain, dating back to her glory years in the late 80's and early 90's. The one time number 2 player on the WTA tenn...
Read full storyX-Factor's Danyl Johnson Says Tiger Woods Is Cute
CUTTY SARK, England - X-Factor castaway Danyl Johnson appeared at The Paint It Black Pub in Cutty Sark at a benefit concert for Simon Cowell's maid, Nicole Gatehampton, who is having fingernail transplant surgery. He was asked what he thought abou...
Read full storyNude Photos of Elin Nordegren Surface In Sweden
STOCKHOLM - An old boyfriend of Elin Nordegren, aka Mrs. Tiger Woods, has produced a box of nude photos that he says he personally took of Elin when they were dating. Kristofer Falkenhoff, 29, an unemployed shepherd said that he dated Elin during...
Read full storyUsain Bolt resigns from post of role model
Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter who has captured the imagination of not only Jamaicans, but sport-lovers all over the world, today resigned from the position of role model citing unwillingness to accept the burden of rolemodelship. At a press co...
Read full storyTiger Woods to Appear on Jerry Springer Show
In an attempt to bring truthiness to the public and rebuild his reputation, reports have Tiger Woods appearing on the Jerry Springer Show with all of his back alley sex dingos. It is expected that Tiger Tigress Rachel Uchitel will be brought on to a...
Read full storyAmerica becomes sci-fi cautionary tale
Anytown, USA - Following the blueprint of several dozen cautionary tales wrote in the early and mid-twentieth century, America has officially become a sci-fi cautionary tale of the kind that used to be called "dystopic". This was discovered by an...
Read full storyMysterious Kidnappings Of Fir Trees Taking Place Throughout Western Nations!
Thousands of fir trees have been mysteriously disappearing from forests around the Western world in the last few weeks. Forest rangers making their rounds have been shocked to find many conifers, mostly young ones between three and six feet tall,...
Read full storyRetarded father wants to marry off his ugly daughter
A retarded father from New Mexico was arrested by police after walking through downtown Albuquerque with a loaded shotgun which he pointed at men who were in the immediate area. The man's name is Ricardo Alfonzo Sanchez and he told police he was t...
Read full storyLou Dobbs Wants To See Tiger Woods Birth Certificate
WANTAGE, New Jersey - Unemployed TV talk show host Lou Dobbs speaking from the front porch of his Wantage chicken ranch house says that he wants to see Tiger Woods birth certificate. When asked why in the world he needs to see Tiger Woods birth ce...
Read full storyMadonna says Shimizu was a non-human sex slave
MADONNA reportedly enjoyed a lesbian affair with a bull dike model JENNY SHIMIZU. The former Calvin Klein model tells British newspaper News Of The World, the feminine chart buster selected her for a boy-on-girl romance from a casting video. S...
Read full storyNorth Korea's Leader Kim Jong Il Coming To America To Do Some Christmas Shopping
NEW YORK CITY - A spokesperson for the New York City Chamber of Commerce has stated that she received a text message from Kim Jong Il stating that he will arrive in NYC on December 20 to do some Christmas shopping for his family back in Pyongyang, N...
Read full storySaffron Burrow sacrifices herself to the lesbian community
Saffron Burrows who worked in Circle of Friends and appeared in Frida, Troy and shark shocker Deep Blue Seas came out and announced to the world that she's a devoted lesbian. In 2000 she told Tatler magazine, "I prefer the company of women when me...
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