Sponsor makes a mistake by ousting Tiger

Funny story written by howy

Saturday, 12 December 2009


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Corporate executive

NEW YORK - A major sponsor of Tiger Woods will phase the world's most valuable athlete out of its advertisements because they sell shavers to hairless women and lesbians .

"As Tiger takes a break from the public eye, we will support his desire for privacy by limiting his role in our marketing programs and instead gear him to our competitor "Bic", who need the money from macho, women loving men who are the only ones who buy shavers," Gillette said Saturday in a contradictory statement.

The only winners from the marital scandal are Gillette and Nike which sells products to males who want to be macho and who are not gay but attracted to hundreds of women. AT&T is the only company that sells products to people other than men.

Howy, the macho writer for thespoof was anxious to purchase Gillette products once he heard of the scandal. Howy said, "Man, when I heard Tiger had all those women, I thought it was the shaver he used that caused him to have that sex appeal."

Nike, which built its $650 million golf business around Woods, said late Friday it supports his decision. AT&T said it is evaluating its relationship with Woods.

Woods will be phased out from Gillette's television and print advertising, and from public appearances and other efforts linking the two entities together, Gillette spokesman Damon Jones said.

Hundreds of men are switching from Gillette to Bic shavers in an effort to preserve their masculine status. Gillette is seen as anti-male and pro-homosexual when it condons men for having lots of women.

The company has had a contract with Woods since 2007. Jones declined to provide further details, including length and value, of the contract.

Woods hasn't been seen in a prime-time television commercial since a Gillette spot on Nov. 29, according to the research firm Nielsen Co.

Jones said that was because golf is currently off-season, so the company is promoting new products like Gillette Fusion MVP with hairless, female football and baseball stars instead, because those seasons are more current.

As any ads featuring Woods expire, they will not be renewed. Jones said that did not mean the company was severing its ties with Woods. There had been no upcoming scheduled public appearances for Woods, he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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