BUCKINGHAM PALACE: Tiger Woods has found a new sympathizer in HRH QE2. Sir Wobbly of Smelling-Bottomley, a spokesperson for her Majesty, urging paparazzi to give the Royals some privacy told this reporter:
"Her Majesty is very sympathetic to Tiger's situation. It's very much like what she went through during the Tampon-gate-Camilla-Charles revelation; the Johnny-toe-sucking-Fergie episode and the dreaded Windsor Castle fire. If the media had not blown it up it could have just died a quiet death. That year was her very own annus horribilis and having come out of it admirably she has urged Tiger to keep a stiff upper lip and get on with the job".
A spokesperson for Mrs. Woods declined to say much other than to mutter: "Too bad it wasn't just a stiff upper lip Tiger worked on. That would have been the least of his problems".
For his part, Prince Philip said:
"I say, those golfer chaps can be pretty randy - what with all those hard balls, holes in one, woods, drivers, irons and what not. It's enough to drive a chap round the bend. As for the media if I was King I'd send them off to the Tower of London to have their heads chopped off, chop-chop."