Gerrard quits football, brings out hit DJ remix - Now Dats Worra Call Muzik Soft Lad
Steven Gerrard, Liverpool FC legend and 18 Yard Diving World Champion, shocked the football world yesterday by turning his back on premier league football, as he set off on a new career terrorising the top 40 with some wicked remixes. After sensat...
Read full storyUS Marine Corps Tells Maggot Pukes to Shut the Hell Up
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Marine Corps has banned Tweeter, FaceMag, OurSpace and other free speech forums from its networks, effective immediately, further promoting its establishment of an authoritarian nationalist political ideology and a state-r...
Read full storySelena Cyrus Calls Time On Miley Gomez Bitchfight
Selena Cyrus today, after withering under a barrage of insults from Miley Gomez, appealed for calm in the seriously uninteresting - nay totally fucking boring - war of words between the teen queen protagonists. "Calling someone a bitch, or a mothe...
Read full storyJobless armies paving the way
(Washington) President Obama announced yesterday massive road construction planned nationwide enlisting aid from thousands of unemployed people. The "Pot Hole Brigade" as they've been dubbed are excited to be back working again. Finding employm...
Read full storyParis Hilton sucks Lady Gaga's Pussy on the internet!
Lady Gaga's furry pussy was sucked in a new bombshell, porno video, by Paris Hilton, as they rolled, purred and pussied on a white tiger skin rug. Lady, opening her white stockinged thighs whilst rollicking to Wacko's, I'm Mad, slipped on the rug...
Read full storyExplicit, explosive India: a recent survey bares the Indian mind!
[PTI/NDTV News, New Delhi Aug 4-5] India may be among the world's fastest growing economies; but going by the results of a recent survey, Indians - particularly the younger generations - have some pretty weird ideas about life and the world in genera...
Read full storyUnwanted guinea pigs find new home
Public demand for guinea pigs after the recent release of the animated motion picture G-Force starring the animals hasn't approached the amount predicted by analysts. Parents may be thinking twice about purchasing the animals after media campaigns...
Read full storyBeeb docu fails to make impression on binge drinking Brit Bitches!
Last evenings Beeb's (BBC2) feeble attempt to portray two daft, moronic, drunken, criminal bitches, marauding and terrorising the streets and courts of Doncaster and York failed, utterly miserably! After 30 minutes of listening to: "F**k this, f**...
Read full storyLevitra Beaver On Fox Fall Schedule
Levitra Beaver, a modern version of the TV Classic Leave It To Beaver will premiere this Fall on the FOX Network with a few of the original cast dropping in from time to time. "The original 'Leave It To Beaver' is listed among the Top 100 All-Time...
Read full storyJoleon Lescott To Leave Everton Immediately
Joleon Lescott, Everton's England international, has told Toffees' manager David Moyes he has to leave the club immediately after Manchester City's Arabic owners made him an offer he couldn't refuse. The defender, 26, has twice been the target of...
Read full storyNew flu variant doing the rounds
Holidaymakers in various parts of Europe have been taken ill by what appears to be a mutant version of swine flu. Symptoms include severe headaches, tiredness, vomiting and a general malaise. Projectile vomiting appears to be the first symptom, ho...
Read full storyFord Motor Co. Closes Doors in Wake of 'Cash for Clunkers."
Detroit- In a bold move, Ford Motor Company President and CEO Alan Mulally announced today that the company is closing its doors for good. "Let's face it," Mulally said, "This company has been producing clunkers for far too long. Everyone is awar...
Read full storySixteen carat, "Absolutely Flawless" brown coprolite up for auction in London
A sixteen carat dinosaur coprolite said to be "absolutely flawless" is set to be auctioned off on Saturday, August 9, 2009, by famed auction house Fistme of London. Lord Basil Aneurysm, Royal Proctologist to the Royal Family, found the coprolite in...
Read full storyJade Goody talks to mum through psychic: "I just slapped Gandhi"
Jade Goody, the beloved and much missed reality TV legend, has spoken to Jackiey Budden, her intelligent and articulate mum, through a psychic. At a séance earlier this week, the psychic channelled Jade's angelic spirit to communicate with her mum...
Read full storyGovernment: Personal Space 'Kissing Ban' Imminent
The UK Government has announced a new set of safety rules designed to combat the spread of Swine Flu. From Monday 17th August it will be an offence under emergency health legislation to kiss, hug or hold hands with another person in a public place.
Read full storyThe Next King Of Pop?
A friend says Kanye West was recently listening to the Wendy Williams radio show when he heard the quote about himself saying he's the new king of pop. Well he's setting the record straight saying it's not true, he has never said that. According t...
Read full storyMichael Phelps To Wear Bikini
Michael Phelps, the US swimmer who won an amazing 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympic Games, today astonished his critics as he revealed that, to avoid allegations of cheating in future competitions, he will wear a bikini when racing. Many people...
Read full storyStartling Discovery! Body found in Pelosi's vagina ID'd as Jimmy Hoffa
Scientists conducting a preliminary survey of more than 200 Neanderthal cave paintings discovered on the walls of Nancy Pelosi's vagina found the mummified remains of a man, shortly after midnight, Tuesday, August 4th. The FBI positively identified...
Read full storyABSNN: All bullshit news network begins August 7th
One radio talk show host, three of Fox News Network's most reactionary political commentators, and four of MSNBC's most liberal political commentators, have managed to put aside their political and personal differences in order to launch a new, cable...
Read full storyEnola Gay UFO poised over Balmoral
Ballybollox Castle - (Rioters): A shape shitting (sic) 'Little Boy' flying saucer much like the 1945 Enola Gay B-29 Superfortress bomber has been seen stalking the hoaxer Queen's summer bivouac at Balimmoral. Worried courtiers reported the craft...
Read full storySarah Palin And Her Kids Are Moving To Texas
WASILLA, Alaska - After weeks of speculation, innuendo, and denial, word has come out that ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin has decided to leave Alaska and move down to Texas. The former governor purchased former President George Bush's 1,583 acr...
Read full storyBritney Spears moving to Scotland
Yesterday the Radar songtress announced that she along with K-Ferdaline and two sons will be moving to Scotland. Britney says it's a country that has always interested her and this new move is always been her life long ambition. Britney will...
Read full storyMicrosoft takes George Formby to court over windows
Software giant Microsoft is today taking entertainer the late George Formby to court. Company spokesman, Mo Zilla said that the company took exception to mr Formby's allegation that windows needs cleaning all the time. In particular, they took exc...
Read full story"Living Autopsies" Key To Obama Health Care Reform
(AP) - Washington- Offering Americans "Living Autopsies" is on of the major elements of the Obama Administration's health care reform proposal, the AP has learned. The proposal is hidden on page 876 1/2 of the more that 1,000 page document. "Gee,...
Read full storyThe Return of Jon and "Bikini Mama" Kate Plus 8
WYOMISSING, Pennsylvania - One of the highest rated reality shows in the history of reality shows is back. Jon and Kate Plus 8, which is filmed before a live audience, returned to record breaking viewer numbers. Kate was on for about 43 of the 46...
Read full storyIt's Official: Water Is Bad For You
GALVESTON, Texas - The Southern Water Institute of Galveston (SWIG) after an extensive two-year $7.3 million study has concluded that drinking water, whether it be tap or bottled is bad for you. Flora Belle Wetweather, president of SWIG, stated in...
Read full storyShit Hits Fan When Spoof Writer Discovers New Miracle Compost
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - "Going Green" can have its consequences in a city like San Francisco, especially when writers discover innovative new ways to use other writers' material. The call for more fertile gardening soil has spread like wildfire throu...
Read full storyRemains of American ideals found
A journalist has found the remains of the last of the American ideals that still existed before the first Gulf War began. The ideal was shot down on the first day of that war in 1991, a day which also saw the final death of the Monroe Doctrine, an...
Read full storyBitter New Jersey Housewife Claims Government Stole "Cash for Clunkers" Idea from Stupid Husband
HOBOKEN, N.J-- The highly anticipated government program "Cash for Clunkers", which offers high value trade-in incentives to owners of less-than-desirable cars and trucks, is in legal hot water this week as officials are forced to respond to a legal...
Read full storyBill Clinton tries to hook up with numerous babes in North Korea
Bill Clinton has been making the most of his time in North Korea negotiating for the release of two US journalists. Due to the news blackout in force by the secretive regime in Pyongyang, noone has heard of the philandering former president, nor o...
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo's Third Leg Worth £1.2 Million, Says Real Madrid
SPAIN - Cristiano Ronaldo's penis has reportedly been insured for £1.2 million by Real Madrid. Real paid a world record £2 million for the Portuguese wiener when they signed the fleet-footed footballer from Manchester United in June. Portugue...
Read full storyBill Clinton Gets Blown, Blows Release of US Journalists
NORTH KOREA - Former U.S. President Bill Clinton joined two American journalists already imprisoned in North Korea after he received oral sex from someone believed to be Dear Leader Kim Jong-il's 24-year-old niece, according to sources operating outs...
Read full storySpoof Writers Mourn Passing Of Colleague
Spoof writers the world over today were united in grief at the reported loss of a much esteemed colleague. The US Coastguard held out little hope for the survival of talented Spoof contributor 'Chamone' It is believed that Chamone entered the toil...
Read full storyThe Cash For Clunkers Program Lays An Egg
POCAHONTAS, Arkansas - There are a lot of people who are calling the Federal Government's Cash for Clunkers program an automotive joke. According to Iowa Senator Triscuit Whispertree, The Car Allowance Rebate System (CARS) is a nation-wide United...
Read full storyPussy Calls Miley Gomez And Selena Cyrus Real Sluts
A Pussy calling himself Skoob today panned teen-queens Miley Gomez and Selena Cyrus for being sluts Real. The pussy, Skoob, who by his own admission is a bit of a tosser, finally today plucked up the courage to challenge Hannah Louisiana star Sele...
Read full storyMan Reunited With 'Lost' Penis After 20 Years
German man, Hans Oop was yesterday reunited with his penis after a 20 year separation. Oop, of Wank, southern Germany was said to be delighted by the reunion. It appears that following a particularly acrimonious divorce, Oop, of Wank forgot all ab...
Read full storyHollywood Goes Ballistic!
The usually crazy, unpredictable city Of Hollywood Ca last night went absolutely ballistic amid meltdown degree announcements of rumour and gossip. Teen queen Amanda Dependon, 18 year old star of Doesn't Productions top rated kiddie extravaganza '...
Read full storySpoof Editor Writes Tell All Book
London UK: A Spoof Magazine Editor, who shall be nameless, has written a "tell all" book on how to succeed as a spoof writer. Boarding a BOA flight to Botswana for a little rest and relaxation, the nameless editor confided to a London Times report...
Read full storyParamount's New Film "The Thriller In Manilla With Godzilla" Out In January
This January fans of one of the greatest fights ever between Mohammed Ali and Joe Frazier and how they then team up to thwart the invasion of Godzilla in the Philippines will hit the big screen in the US and Japan. The bout is often ranked as one...
Read full storyBite the News wins the Peter Cook Comedy Website Award for 2008
Bite the News last night won the prestigious Peter Cook Comedy Website Award at the first time of asking beating into second place its sister site 'Peter Musgrove Reporting' and last year's winner the hotly tipped The Spoof. Set up as recently as...
Read full storyOld Proverb proved wrong as Keith Richards reveals extensive collection of Moss
As the great Miguel de Cervantes once said, 'a Proverb is a short sentence based on long experience'. The English language is littered with many such traditional phrases which have over the years been accepted as part of what Shakespeare called 'the...
Read full storyLondon Zoo Unveils New Teenager Exhibit
After months of anticipation, London Zoo finally opened its new 'Teenager' exhibit on Saturday. The state-of-the-art exhibit, constructed over the past 10 months at a cost of £6.5 million, drew record crowds to the zoo this weekend. Loitering teen...
Read full storyDear Kent Pete: I'm too ugly to have a girlfriend
Dear Kent Pete: I really want to feel good about myself and to have a girlfriend but I'm too ugly and too boring. I'm 34 and have never had a partner. I look at my mates and they are definitely more attractive and more confident. You can see from my from the photo that I am not good-looking .I have such a big nose. I ask you to be sensitive and not publish my image, it would be more th...
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