Tuesday, 4 August 2009

image for US Marine Corps Tells Maggot Pukes to Shut the Hell Up
US military has long history of denying fundamental American freedoms to its troops.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Marine Corps has banned Tweeter, FaceMag, OurSpace and other free speech forums from its networks, effective immediately, further promoting its establishment of an authoritarian nationalist political ideology and a state-run military society based on centralized control.

The Marines say, until further notice is given, every low-life, scumbag piece of shit is cut off from access to public social networks effective immediately.

"These internet sites are a known haven for slimy maggots like yourselves, who speak when they are not spoken to," reads a Marine Corps order, issued Monday. "This ban will last as for as goddamn long as I see fit. Is that understood, you miserable pukes?

"You are the lowest form of life on Earth," the statement continued. "You are not even human fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grab-asstic pieces of amphibian shit... There is no racial bigotry here; you are all equally worthless."

Marine Corps cadets' laptops will be inspected now for Trojans, or any indication anything communicable might be spread from social media sites, passed along between online social contacts.

Critics of the Marines' attempts to create a fascist military society point out the continued use of internet tools by its top officials: The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, for instance, has 4,000 followers on Tweeter, the Department of Defense is nearly ready to unveil its grandiose new home page, jam-packed with the latest social media tools, and top generals blog from the battlefield.

"OPSEC [operational security] concerning the U.S. military machine is paramount. We have implemented procedures to effectively deal with free speech issues," said Price Floyd, the Pentagon's newly-appointed socialist media czar, addressing concerns.

"What we can't do is let 'touchy-feely' ideas about free speech trump doing military business. We have to do business," Floyd explained. "We can't have our men going soft on us. The deadliest weapon in the world is a marine and his rifle. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong, you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will be a dead marine, and then you will be in a world of shit, because marines are not allowed to die without permission."

He indicated the Marines are here to help the rest of the world, because inside every foreigner, there is an American trying to get out.

Now, inside foreign countries like Iran, there will be American soldiers unable to get their messages out, yet almost inexplicably willing to die in the name of free speech.

* Portions contain liberal samples from Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket, 1987.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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