[PTI/NDTV News, New Delhi Aug 4-5] India may be among the world's fastest growing economies; but going by the results of a recent survey, Indians - particularly the younger generations - have some pretty weird ideas about life and the world in general.
The survey, titled 'State of the Indian Mind', was carried out from March 2008 to January 2009 by the reputed Indian Institute of Lactile Sociodynamics in New Delhi. It covered over 330 million people aged 18 to 90 across India, and obtained their responses to a few simple questions on issues ranging from space exploration to sex.
While the survey findings will be formally published only in September 2009, the IILS has issued a press note containing a few preliminary insights. These are startling, to say the least.
A few examples:
Q: What do you feel about the growing nuclearization of the Indian family?Response: Over 65% (that's over 205 million respondents) felt that nuclearization of the family is a good thing for India's security and peace. They enthusiastically endorsed India's capabilities to develop and launch thermonuclear weapons and nuclear submarines. Another 28% called for the immediate N-bombing of Pakistan, Bangladesh, and CIA headquarters in Langley. Only 6.998% correctly understood the question, and their response was unanimous: the traditional 'joint family' system was wonderful because unlike in a nuclear family, parents could leave their kids in the care of elders and go out and have a (non-nuclear) blast.
Q: Should India have a permanent seat in the UN Security Council?
Response: Nearly 99.6% answered in the affirmative. Of them, over 95% demanded that the United Nations reserve a Security Council seat for India under the affirmative action policy known as 'Reservation for Backward Classes'. A few respondents were of the view that India should threaten to launch N-attack on the UN Security Council unless its demands for a reserved seat were met.
Q: What do you think about oral sex?
Response: Nearly 91% (298 million) answered by saying that they thought of either Bill Clinton or Monica Lewinsky during oral sex. Another 8.998% remained tight-lipped on the issue. The remaining 0.0002% (that is, around 660 respondents) reacted to the question with varying degrees of violence. As many as 414 IILS surveyors are still in various hospitals across India, recovering from injuries caused by assorted sharp-edged weapons, country guns, and crude bombs; 27 are being held for ransom by sundry militant groups in Karnataka and Kashmir. A small fraction (about 164,000 respondents) replied that they believed oral sex was good for health in many ways: 'it relieved exhaustion'; 'it helped replenish salts; 'restored appetite; and so on. However, cautious inquiries by IILS staff revealed that the respondents had confused oral sex with oral rehydration therapy.
Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has appealed for peace and calm in the cities of Mumbai, Srinagar, Hyderabad and Bangalore, where, in a rare display of communal harmony, angry mobs of both Hindus and Muslims are roaming the streets together in protest against the IILS survey and its findings, which they term "obscene" and "aimed at corrupting the minds of young Indians."
Effigies of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky are being burned...
