Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

image for Joleon Lescott To Leave Everton Immediately
Close your eyes, kids!

Joleon Lescott, Everton's England international, has told Toffees' manager David Moyes he has to leave the club immediately after Manchester City's Arabic owners made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

The defender, 26, has twice been the target of failed bids by the Sky Blues, but owner Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan told him that if he didn't sign, he would become the victim of an Arabic Godfather-style reprisal - his head would be placed in David Moyes' bed.

Lescott does, indeed, have the head of a horse, and regularly frightens children wherever he plays. He has been a prolific scorer for Everton, netting 16 goals from the back four, and his contribution will be sadly missed.

Manager Moyes told us just a few minutes ago:

"Joleon Lescott has been a great player for Everton, but his head IS massive. He looks like something out of Eraserhead."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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