Tuesday, 4 August 2009

image for Gerrard quits football, brings out hit DJ remix - Now Dats Worra Call Muzik Soft Lad
Never to be repeated: Gerrard turns his back on diving

Steven Gerrard, Liverpool FC legend and 18 Yard Diving World Champion, shocked the football world yesterday by turning his back on premier league football, as he set off on a new career terrorising the top 40 with some wicked remixes.

After sensationally being acquitted over the assault of a DJ in a Southport Bar, Gerrard announced to a packed Liverpool press conference that he was releasing an album dedicated to the DJ. Gerrard had considered taking up boxing, but CCTV evidence showed his pedigree with only 1 in 3 punches landing on the DJ, so a new career beckoned.

"yeah, yer know like, after twattin dat lad an all dat, yer know like gettin off wiv it 'n' stuff, errrm, yer know, I thought i'd show dat soft prick juss oose chunes de people out der wanna lissen to...errrm, like" - he continued "An I reckon like dat der errrmm, gonna like mine more, like, know worra mean, like?"

The Hit DJ cd - "Now Dats Worra Call Muzik Soft Lad" will be out just before Oasis bring out their latest album "Fuck the Mersey" as the rival city stars, just as in football, bid for the elusive top spot.

Tracks on the 'cover' remix album are as follows;

  • Murder On The Dancefloor - sophie ellis bexter
  • I Predict A Riot - kaiser chiefs
  • Hit Me With Your Rhythmn Stick - ian dury
  • Saturday night's allright for fighting - elton john
  • I think I Can Beat Mike Tyson - DJ jazzy jeff & fresh prince

And of course the legendary Hang The DJ by the smiths.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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