Golf Spectator Behaviour Standards - New Report
There has been a quiet revolution in the monitoring of golf-watching standards around the world. For 3 years ago, a GolfWatch panel was established and it has quietly and diligently observed the world of the golf fan. GolfWatch has now issued...
Read full storyInviting a plastic surgeon to your cocktail party can be a disaster!
Top 10 things plastic surgeons say at cocktail parties: 10) Is that a Jackson Pollack? Oh...sorry, Madam. 9) Why hello, my dear. When I last saw you you were Renaissance. When did you go Baroque? 8) Well, at least they're bigger than two caviar eggs. 7) How about we put a grenade in your mouth and start over? 6) Give me a sharp blade and a couple of those guests over...
Read full storyObama Rides Democrat into Nancy Pelosi's Grand Canyon
Phoenix, Arizona-A long anticipated trip with his family took an unexpected detour when President Obama's motorcade passed by a large crowd of waving tourists who were trying to warn him about the gaping hole ahead. Although not on the schedule, Mist...
Read full storyKristen Stewart, Rob Pattinson Swap Fluids in Movie Theatre
VANCOUVER, B.C. - Oscar Wilde once said, "Life imitates art far more than art imitates Life," and perhaps he was right - take for instance Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, whose onscreen romance is rumored to have budded into the real thing. Now...
Read full storySteven Gerrard arrested after violence erupts over website mis-understanding
Liverpool footballer Steven Gerrard is in further trouble with the Merseyside Police today, following an attack which he instigated over Facebook. It appears that the victim "poked" the footballer over the social networking site, and in response...
Read full storyJordan responds to Peter Andre's filmed angry outburst
Jordan has responded with a furious attack on Peter Andre, following his filmed rant a couple of days ago. At a packed press conference, attended by the world's media, Jordan said: "It is outrageous that Peter Andre feels he can criticise others o...
Read full storyTelevised NHS vasectomy as Obama plays healthcare reform blinder
London - (Ass Mess): "Sure, he's got the balls for it!" was Dana Perino's comment today as Barack Obama prepared to fly to London for a snip at the Royal Freak Hospital. "Truss me," Perino added, "the President's ready to put his er neck on the l...
Read full storyObama succeeds in passing "Healthcare Reform Bill" as celebrities step in
United States President, Barack "Doc" Obama, is celebrating this evening following the surprise passing of his healthcare reform package. The President had been expected to suffer with an inability to drive an effective bill through the approval p...
Read full storyUsain Bolt displaces Peter Mandelson in IOS Top 50 Smuggest Person poll
Usain Bolt, the Jamaican Olympic Champion has officially displaced Peter Mandelson as the Smuggest Person in the World. The Independent on Sunday published a poll earlier today listing the top 50 people who not only felt decidedly good about thems...
Read full storyTottingham Trounce Touchy Scousers
A disastrous weekend for Murkydive footy clubs, Loonypool and Neverwon, who both found themselves on the wrong end of results on the opening weekend of the footy season. First, Neverwon got tanked 6-1 by a load of arses at Badison Park, and now to...
Read full story"Cash for Clunkers" extended to Suicide Car Bombers?
Kabul, Afghanistan - Gauging from the success of the "Cash for Clunkers" program stateside, the White House is the hoping to capitalize on the popularity of the scheme by introducing a Bill to the House and Senate that will fund a new program offerin...
Read full storyIran Buys Controlling Interest in McDonalds
Tehran - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that Iran has purchased controlling shares of the American fast food giant McDonalds. A jubiliant Amnadinejad said "Converting McDonalds to fanatical extremism has been underway for years." Attemptin...
Read full storySusan Boyle Betrayed, Arrested
Amanda Holden owes a lot of her success to Susan Boyle as she was on the panel for "Britain's Got Talent" when Boyle made her sensational first appearance. That brought a lot of attention to Holden and others on that show from all around the world vi...
Read full storyMajor League Baseball To Eliminate The Seventh Inning
CHICAGO - Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig has informed the 30 MLB teams that effective 2010, the ball game's seventh inning will be eliminated. Selig said that he has gotten thousands of complaints form fans who say that the seventh i...
Read full storyWife's pussy farts-Yorkshire husband asphyxiated
CATWICK, Yorkshire (TS.com) - Fire fighters and Emergency Medical Technicians responded to a call of "man down in Catwick," at just past 3:00 a.m. BST, Sunday. Upon arriving at the home of Brigadier (retired) Sir James and Lady Cheryl Fentwinkle...
Read full storyGov. Schwarzenegger's Camp Fire
Not everybody has a dignitary visit their campsite, so when Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Molly Ringwald and I were sitting around the campfire swapping spit and you-know-who showed up, I was astounded. Not only did he stay long e...
Read full storyZak Efron Does George Formby
High School Musical star Zac Efron amazed his legion of adoring female teen fans by playing the ukulele in upcoming movie release 'Me And Orson Welles'. The ukulele, a sort of mini acoustic guitar which emits a bloody awful sound when plucked was...
Read full storyRoss Kemp & Danny Dyer go to War!
TV Presenters and Cockney "Geezers" Ross Kemp & Danny Dyer are at this moment at war with each other in the poppy fields of Afghanistan. Kemp accompanying the British Army's elite "Inter City Firm" has come up against stiff resistance from Dye...
Read full storyBNP's Griffin offers opinion on Mayfair Gem Robbery
BNP leader Nick Griffin this morning announced in a speech that in his opinion the "Black bloke" in the Mayfair Gem robbery was definitely the ring leader, definitely guilty & definitely bullied the poor "White bloke" into going along with the sc...
Read full storyFurther victims of the "Cliché Killer" found
The British Media has gone into overdrive today as further victims of the serial murderer known as the "Cliché Killer" have been found. It had believed that the killer had ceased their activity given the lack of victims that had been located. How...
Read full storyAlan Duncan Stretches Rations For Bali Trip
Tory front-bencher Alan Duncan has angered fellow party members further by jetting off with partner James Dunseath in business class with Singapore Airlines to the paradise destination of Bali. Duncan caused an in house storm among colleagues by s...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Dating Older Man?
News out of Nashville is that singer/actress Miley Cyrus has been seen around Nashville with an older man. "No one seems to know for sure who the guy is but it should be out soon", stated The Nashville Tattler. "According to what we know so far, a...
Read full storyAfghanistan Poll : Sarkozy sends dancers
President Nicolas Sarkozy has sent poll dancers to Kabul in an effort to ease pre-poll tension. (Afghanistan is to hold presidential elections this coming week.) The French head-of-state telephoned US President Obama and UK Prime Minister Gordon B...
Read full storyCorrupt Iranian president introduces 3 burkah clad "women" into parliament, only problem, no one can identify them!!
Newly elected corrupt (Iranian elections tend to be pretty "bent" and their opponents disposed of as fast as Iranian flies land on camel turds!) Iranian president Ahmadinejed will introduce 3 burkah clad women into his parliamant, only problem, nobod...
Read full storyPeter Andre - "Katie Price A Despicable Mother."
Peter Andre, the estranged husband of uber breasted plastic pop-tart Katie Price, formerly Jordan, last night got into a venomous row with her over the phone, which I was able to witness as he'd put the phone on open speaker. Price, who has been s...
Read full storyMatt Damon In Talks Over Fourth 'Bourne' Film
Matt Damon has been involved in talks over making a fourth film in the 'Bourne' series. The only major stumbling block in the process appears to be that Author, Robert Ludlum only wrote three books, so the producers have been rummaging around trying...
Read full storyBritish Queen, George Michael arrested after car crash - AGAIN
LONDON (TS.com) - Pop singer, and hanger-outer for sexing in public privies, George Michael, was arrested and questioned after his Land Rover car collided with a lorry in Britain. And, just like all the times before, the singer insisted Saturday he w...
Read full storyNintendo Wii Announces Another Animal Crossing Game
The second Animal Crossing game for the Nintendo Wii will be available in late 2010, say a rep for Animal Crossing. There's been plenty of different titles but the rep insists the new game is simply called "Animal Crossing: 3.0". The new game conf...
Read full storyMaterial Girl turns 51, adopts Polish MJ impersonator
WARSAW, Poland - Saturday night was a hot August night, and Warsaw was hopping and bopping to a Material Girl's concert, and, to top it all off, it was the eve of Madonna's 51st birthday, too. One other, minor Madonna was also being celebrated o...
Read full storyGeorge Michael Arrested For Hitting A Lorry
LONDON - George Michael, who has sold over 100 million records world-wide, was arrested in London for crashing into a 'lorry' (truck). Michael was driving a late model Land Rover when he lost control and hit the lorry. When police arrived on the s...
Read full storyAndy Murray Leapfrogs Nadal After Tsonga Victory
Andy Murray achieved another career landmark with victory over Jo-Wilfried Tsonga in Montreal today, securing second place in the world rankings. The Scot, 22, beat the Frenchman 6-4 7-6 (10-8) to reach the final of the Masters event, and, to cele...
Read full story"Wham!" Bam! No Thank You, Man!
LONDON, ENGLAND, UK Lorry (truck) driver Laurie Rowe apparently took offense when George Michael failed to proposition him following an accident involving the singer's Land Rover and summoned police to investigate the incident. Rowe stated that M...
Read full storyHead Shop Owner Wins First Prize in Brownie Bake-Off
The latest TV reality format "Bake Your Ass Off" concluded this week when the perceived underdog, Smilin' Norm Horton, wowed the judges with his recipe for twice-baked fudge brownies. "Usually I never even get as far as putting these things in the...
Read full storyGoogle Employee Celebrates One-Googolth Googling
This week was declared 'Google Week' after an employee at Google Headquarters performed the one-googolth internet search (a.k.a. 'googling'). In between pours of champagne, Google employee George "Curious George" Boole signed autographs for cowo...
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