Bodies of dead Daily Mail readers are not being buried because of credit crunch
United Kingdom - (Putrid Ass Mess): A lead article in this weekend's Daily Mail has revealed how decomposing bodies of thousands of its readers are lying around rotting because of the credit crunch fiasco. The tabloid's innovative reader burial sc...
Read full storyCrack Recycling Programme for London
The Government have announced new measures to raise extra funding for the Metropolitan Police. The move has been endorsed by the Mayoral appointed New Chief Constable Lord Jeffery Archer. During the past year Crack Cocaine with a street value of a...
Read full storySanta Claus Vacancy / JobCentre Plus
Job Title FATHER CHRISTMAS / SANTA CLAUS Ref : ALU /62734 Location : Lapland based / Worldwide distribution network Hours : Christmas Eve : Dusk til dawn Wage : MEETS NATIONAL MINIMUM WAGE Work Pattern : Night shift Employer : Grotty Grottos Ltd Pension : ? Don't be silly Duration : One night per annum Description : As Father Christmas you will be r...
Read full storyNew Abortion Research: Democrats vs. Republicans
Recently conducted research into Abortion Attitude has revealed significant differences between Democrats and Republicans: Democrats define life as beginning at birth. For Republicans, life begins when the kid finally moves away from home - for the last time. Democrats want to abort before birth. Republicans wait to abort until after getting the kid's first college tuition bill. Democra...
Read full storyPsychology of Democrats vs. Republicans: LAUGHTER
Republicans laugh in response to humor, while Democrats laugh for more...interesting reasons. Republicans, sadly, laugh in response to humor that makes fun of race, gender, financial status, golf scores, lack of golf club membership, lack of a driver with one of the new impressively enormous heads (the golf club, not your chauffer, you country club type!). And they laugh at lack of golf clubs,...
Read full story105-Year-Old Virgin Invites Man Around For 'A Cup Of Tea'
BRITAIN'S oldest virgin who celebrated her 105th birthday this weekend says that, despite the secret to her long life being No Sex, she had decided to invite a man around on her big day. Purple Clara Meadmore, who looks 'not a day over 102', sa...
Read full storySwiss Threaten To Impose Total Embargo On Swiss Cheese
Zurich, SWITZERLAND - Totally frustrated and pulling out hair by the roots, Swiss President Pascal Couchepin stated that he was sick and tired of new tariffs being added against his nation and that a Swiss cheese embargo is in effect come Monday morn...
Read full storyTerrorism in America
Grandmother grabs McCain's microphone during a town meeting and says, "I'm terrified. Obama's an evil Muslim, he'll kill us all." "Not true," McCain replies. "Barack Obama is a good man, and if he wins, you can be sure this country will be in good hands. All we've been saying is, it'll be in better hands if I win." "But what about what Sarah's been saying?" The woman insists. "Senator...
Read full storyWill Palin handle a big election?
Nagging questions are beginning to surface regarding the VP pick of John Charlemagne McCaine and his first paladin Sarah Palin. Will she be able to handle his election? If she doesn't handle his election, are their any other gals who are willing? Why did Obama want Joe Biden to handle his election and not Hillary? Is he truly then metrosexual? What does this say about all past Preside...
Read full storyMcCain Sells Hockey Mom Lipstick
To help in raising McCain campaign cash, John McCain has just announced a new line of fashion lipstick: Sarah Paladin Hockey Mom Lipstick. The lipstick comes in several colors: • Red State Red • High Sticking Black and Blue • Multiple Check Contusion Bruise Yellow • Ice Skate Slash Crimson But they only come in one flavor - "They taste like victory!" And then he quickly back-peddled...
Read full storyAre Candidates Following Palin's Clean-Shaven Look?
Why is it that all the candidates in the Presidential election are clean-shaven? Is it in deference to Sarah? Or, is it merely tradition -- all top politicians have been clean-shaven ever since Alexander the Great, who never lost an election -- he wouldn't allow opposition! (Russia learned this and took it to heart.) Alexander coined the expression: "I won by a close shave! Hah! Hah! ...
Read full storyObama's Reveals His Early-Life Aspirations!
Furthering his prospects for the Presidentical Election of 2008, Barack Obama has proudly revealed the many prestigious (and surprising!) institutions that he thoughtfully, earnestly, even passionately considered joining after high school: 1st: Considered joining the military. He applied for a national guard position for the state of Rhode Island...however, both positions were already full.
Read full storyWhat McCain Did For A Klondike Bar
What would you do for a Klondike bar? Senator John McCain gave away any hope for the Presidency when he selected Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate. It must be hitting him just about now like a load of blue ice falling from the sky.
Read full storyAl Gore to Play Hermann Goering in Remake of "The Blue Max"!
Stuttgart, Germany/ Aviation Times - In a stunning reprisal of life imitating art, Democrat Actor Al Gore will be playing the rotund Hermann Goering in the remake of the WWI flying epic "The Blue Max". He will also be portraying a "flak balloon" in...
Read full storyAshley Cole The Darling Of England Fans
England put on a great display tonight in their Group 6 World Cup qualifier against Kazakhstan, winning 5-1, and the hero of the piece was Chelsea defender Ashley Cole, who had fans chanting his name until well after the final whistle had blown. C...
Read full storyLots of Pretty Flowers at Ernest Keats Funeral
The Paducah Sun - Although Ernest Keats was a reasonably beloved member of at least half of his family, the floral arrangements at his Friday funeral service dominated conversation during the post-funeral all-you-can-eat buffet luncheon at the home...
Read full storyPanicked Obama to ACORN: We've Got to Have this Election Tomorrow!
Chicago,Il /Militant Times - A new sense of urgency has gripped the Obama Presidential campaign as reports are surfacing that convicted Chicago Developer Tony Rezko is going to roll over on the entire Democrat Political Machine in Illinois. The 53...
Read full storyRussian Space Toilet Fails, Economic Crap Spreads to Outer Space!
Cape Canaveral, Fl. / Plumbing News - Just when everyone thought it couldn't get any worse, news circulated today that the Russian Built toilet on the space station has shit the bed, and cosmonauts are up to their ass in the mess. Complicating the...
Read full storyACORN Signs Massive Miliary Aid Package with Russia. AKS 47 New Weapon of Choice for Urban Militias!
Moscow, Russia / Terrorist Times Funded by a massive financial grant from a Democrat controlled Congress, the Militant Action Group, ACORN, assured its military independence by completing a huge weapons deal facilitated by Vladimir Putin, former K...
Read full storyBarbed Wire Banned After Thief Scratched
Gardeners at Smegmadale's Sunnysideup Allotments have been ordered by the local authorities to remove the barbed wire capping fences around their respective lots due a teenage vegetable thief filing a personal injury claim against the district counci...
Read full storyEnglish netball team to form their own army
In London it has just been announced that the English Netball team will endeavour to establish their own military style army so as to promote the sport among young girls in the UK. Wendy Upper-Class-Twit, chairwoman of the British Netball Associa...
Read full storyAliens knab Obama: now for McCain says leader
In astonishing scenes in Washington today, Presidential candidate Barack Obama was kidnapped by alien beings from outer space. Obama was holding a open air address when the alien spacecraft suddenly appeared and proceeded to remove the Senate mem...
Read full storyOver one's dead body!
Buckingham Palace - (Wall St Crash-for-Honors Mess): The Queen has had a funny turn after hearing slippery New Labour bumbandit Peter Mandelson has somehow got himself a life peerage without the usual £250,000 bung to the Puppet Throne. Mandelson,...
Read full storyObama: 'Lipstick on a pig, still a pig.'
Presidential candidate Barack Obama has yet again repeated his 'pig lipstick' illustration, proving beyond all shadow of a doubt that Senator Obama is definitely not Muslim, because pig lipstick is definitely not kosher. Commentators have suggeste...
Read full storyObama Orders New Presidential Limo: See It On TV's "Pimp my Ride!"
Zastava, Yugoslavia/Daily Worker Saying he is a "Man of the People", President by Acclimation Barack Hussein Obama , announced today he has commissioned a new Presidential Limousine to replace the gas guzzling, ostentatious ride of former US leaders...
Read full storyBoogergate: Palin Picks Nose In Nursery School
[Below is a transcript of the latest broadcast from BCD news] Charley: A bombshell revelation is roilng the 08 presidential campaign today. Apparently reaearchers at the Washington Post have uncovered evidence that republican VP nominee Sarah Palin was observed back in nursery school, picking her nose during afternoon naptime. For more on this bombshell we go now to our man in the field Rick...
Read full storyNovember 5th, 2008 - Nightmare's Over
I've just awakened to a new day, full of joy and hope for the future. My candidate has won by a landslide. The story this morning is no longer about who won, but by how much. Half the political pundits are on their way to Alaska to go into torpor with the bears until spring, but I wouldn't mind if they hibernated for the next four years, perhaps eight. The ringing of the opening bell a...
Read full storyKate Moss' Rules for Proper Dress!
Kate Moss, Model Extraordinaire, has revealed to thespoof.thelook her secrets of fashion: Rule One: Starve Yourself Rule Two: After you starve yourself, don't have anything to eat. Rule Three: Don't forget the pills, diuretics, ipecac syrup and lots of speed Rule Four: Rehab is a storehouse of fashion looks! Rule Five: Remember , vertical stripes can make you disappear Rule Six:...
Read full storyLeaked Memo Says Obama's Nomination was Affirmative Action by Democrats
(Washington DC) A leaked memo from the Democratic National Committee revealed that Barack Obama's presidential nomination was the direct result of the Democratic Party's policy on affirmative action. The internal memo was a actual direction ordered b...
Read full storyThe Exciting Adventures of Überdog
Disguised as mild mannered Jowls McCanine-passive Senator from Grrizona who just loves nothing better than to discreetly go with the flow of national public opinion- Überdog fights a never ending battle against, truth, justice, and the Americanimal way. Wait a minute... Reverse that! He's on the right side!! Überdog was streaking across the skies of his beloved nation Americanimals toward th...
Read full storyBush Escapes from Cheney Bunker; Gives Economy Speech; Stocks Crash Again!
An army of concerned American citizens did everything that they could to stop worst president ever, GWB, from giving another lame ass inarticulate pitiful grunt out from his now totally imaginary oval office. Bush is as much a national leader as...
Read full storyRepublicans Release Photos of Obama Orgy with Ayers, Rev Wright and Tony Resko!
Rove mudslingers, yellow journalists and muck-manufacturers have released lurid photographs from a reputed orgy at the Obama chicago mansion showing Barry and Michelle O in flagrante delicto with the triple axis of evil, the triad that makes Democrat...
Read full storyThe Somali Pirates: "The Ransom Deadline Is Monday Oct. 13"
MOGADISHU, Somalia - Somali pirates who hijacked the Ukranian cargo ship MV Faina two weeks ago are extremely frustrated that their $20 million ransom demand has not been met. The high seas buccaneers say that they will blow up the MV Faina if th...
Read full storyDr. Laura takes an unusual call...
"Bob! Welcome to the show!" Silence. "Bob! You're on, Bob!" "Am I on?" "Yes! Welcome to the show!" "Is this Dr. Laura?" "Yes." "I'm not still on hold?" "(sigh) No, Bob, you're live -- 20 million people are hearing you on their radios. What is your question for me?" "Oh. Um. Ok. Let's see. Um. The other woman. Oh, yeah, your screen said get to the point. Well,...
Read full storyInterview: Palin says she would be ready to step in as President
In a recent interview, Sarah Palin declared firmly that she was ready, willing, and able, to step in as President, as well as being eager, passionate, and foaming at the mouth for the change to run America, should McCain be absent for any reason. An...
Read full storyMcCain Panics - Plans Palin Replacement
Responding to coast-to-coast conservative declarations that Sarah Palin is just too good to be true, and that she is too upstaging, Presidentical hopeful John McCain has selected a backup VP in case Palin jumps ship before Nov. 4th to become U.N. Sec...
Read full storyExcitement and Fear Over Europe's New Super Collider
The new atomic particle super-collider is an enormous chamber for smashing together atoms in order to make enough noise to get God's attention. Some worry it will cause a local black hole that sucks up the Earth like the garbage disposal devours eve...
Read full storySEC Bans Short-Selling
The American Securities and Exchange Commission has banned selling by short floor brokers. With their little legs, they are just to fast about the floor of the stock exchange, zipping around, right between the legs of taller brokers, making deals...
Read full storyConfessions of a Closet Conservative about Sarah Palin
I had the strangest dream last night... It all started rather innocently. A highly confrontational afternoon business meeting with Gov. Palin and her staff ran late and eventually all of our colleagues had to leave. With a hard and fast deadline approaching we found ourselves charged with the task of hammering out the details, alone in the Governor's mansion. I don't know if it was the deli...
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