Leaked Memo Says Obama's Nomination was Affirmative Action by Democrats

Funny story written by The Scorpion

Saturday, 11 October 2008

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Obama's Nomination was Affirmative Action

(Washington DC) A leaked memo from the Democratic National Committee revealed that Barack Obama's presidential nomination was the direct result of the Democratic Party's policy on affirmative action. The internal memo was a actual direction ordered by Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean that stated "it was time we put an African American on the presidential ticket regardless of how much experience he has".

The memo described Obama as a "mediocre Senator who hadn't accomplished much in his short time in Congress." Nevertheless Dean's memo stated that "whatever this shortcomings are, Obama should be nominated as his voting record just can't get any more liberal than that". Besides Dean added, "He doesnt even speak like a black guy". Dean warned democratic staffers however "to expect some opposition from more qualified applicants but that the best way to handle them was to accuse those who oppose affirmative action as racists" .

The memo was leaked to the press on Friday by a self confessed disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporter who stated that Hillary was "robbed of the nomination". The memo itself was faxed to various news desks in Washington and New York on Friday signed "Loyal Hillary Clinton Supporter".

Obama's chief strategist David Axlerod reacted angrily about the leaked memo, describing it as "against the spirit of the Democratic Party and liberals in general" however, he indeed confirmed that some Hillary Clinton supporters were "jealous" of Obama's nomination. Axlerod stated that "just because Obama doesn't have much experience, it doesn't mean he couldn't do the job as good as any non African American" Axlerod added, "anyway if you close your eyes when watching TV you'd swear that Obama sounds like a white liberal, so what's the big deal?" before slamming down the phone.

The memo also reveals infighting among the Democratic Party including the rift between Obama and Clinton supporters. The Clinton camp had apparently protested heavily against Obama's nomination in that he was considered "too inexperienced for the job even by Democratic Party standards". The Loyal Clinton supporter raised further startling claims that the final decision to cut Hillary loose from the vice presidential ticket was made by Obama's wife Michelle who "put the hard word on Barack to dump her ass, quick smart". The Loyal Clinton supporter also described Michelle Obama as a "monster".

On Friday Barack Obama was confronted by reporters as he was leaving the Washington Democratic Headquarters and he responded bluntly to questions about the leaked memo. He stated "that's no monster, that's my wife" before sprinting towards his waiting limo. Before diving in the back seat he stated briefly that he had "no prior knowledge" of the leaked memo but added "We are the ones we have been waiting for".

As Obama pulled the limo door shut all I could hear was a fading bellow emanating from the vehicle as it sped away, of what sounded something like the word "change".

The Scorpion
Reporting from Washington DC

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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