New Abortion Research: Democrats vs. Republicans

Funny story written by Judge Retort

Saturday, 11 October 2008

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Recently conducted research into Abortion Attitude has revealed significant differences between Democrats and Republicans:

Democrats define life as beginning at birth.
For Republicans, life begins when the kid finally moves away from home - for the last time.

Democrats want to abort before birth.
Republicans wait to abort until after getting the kid's first college tuition bill.

Democrats believe in partial-birth abortion.
(Note, however, that Senator Barbara Boxer of California defines "birth" as extending all the way up until the insurance company pays off the obstetrician -- even with net90.)
Republicans believe in aborting Democrats -- at *any* age.

Democrats secretly believe abortion will rid society of undesirable classes.
Republicans would believe in abortion, but only if it was guaranteed to rid society of Democrats.

Democrats pay to have abortions.
Republicans would pay anything for society to abort all Democrats.

Democrats believe the State should pay for abortions and child-care.
Republicans believe the state should not pay for child-care following an abortion.

Democrats want taxes to pay for abortions.
Republicans want to abort taxation.

Democrats believe it's a woman's own choice to abort.
Republicans believe women should get their minds off being pregnant with a child, by PRETENDING instead that they are pregnant with two-gallons of Haagen-Dazs Rocky Road ice cream.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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