The Exciting Adventures of Überdog

Funny story written by Judge Retort

Saturday, 11 October 2008

Disguised as mild mannered Jowls McCanine-passive Senator from Grrizona who just loves nothing better than to discreetly go with the flow of national public opinion- Überdog fights a never ending battle against, truth, justice, and the Americanimal way. Wait a minute... Reverse that! He's on the right side!!

Überdog was streaking across the skies of his beloved nation Americanimals toward the site of sure-fired mayhem, the Demandcat Convention, after being alerted by seasoned news hound Mudd Trudge.

Überdog spotted trouble at the door to the convention and swooped down to help. Herds of all sorts of animals were trying to get in, with only a handful of frightened cats barring the doorway and keeping the other animals at bay by spraying continuous streams of skunk musk. But the cans would soon run out!

Überdog landed, put his mighty paws on his hips, looked around and demanded, "What's going on around here?!"

The cats in the doorway yowled that every species thought they were entitled to attend the Demandcat Con. But only felines and super-felines (with extra voting powers) were allowed, and only if they had passes or were substantially famous.

Überdog turned on the unwanted legions of species, commenting: "Why, I haven't seen this many kinds of animals since I was aboard Noah's Arc!"

To which, the Demandcats in the doorway hissed with amusement, and observed: "You sure dated yourself, Überdog!"

Überdog ignored them. At his advanced age, he'd heard every age joke already. At his advanced age, he had heard EVERY joke already, and every possible word, phrase, sentence, paragraph, story, even all the sonnets-and in EVERY language, because at his age Überdog had been around to help INVENT every single language of the animal kingdom. He was even the architect for the ancient Tower of Kibble that G.O.D. (Great Over Dog) struck down, after which Überdog had gone incognito, staying out of the way of G.O.D. who was looking for him with a very big rolled up newspaper.

Überdog glared at all the uninvited species until his powerful eyes turned burning red, growing hotter and hotter, glaring fiercely with greater and greater fury and rage until red heat beams shot out and scorched the hides of all those surprised animals-though the armadillos and pill bugs resisted the longest. But it was to no avail.

The unwanted species fled for their lives, with Überdog, chuckling under his mighty breath, scorching a few lagging rumps just to get his point across.

The Demandcats thanked him, got back to their agenda of organized mayhem, bedlam, and chaos, and Überdog flew off to go recharge up at his Basket of Solitude at the North Pole.

And just guess who was chained to that North Pole waiting for him??

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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