Written by Judge Retort

Saturday, 11 October 2008

image for Psychology of Democrats vs. Republicans: LAUGHTER
Democrat and Republican joust over presidential candidates. The Democrat is the one with the pointed, metrosexual shoes.

Republicans laugh in response to humor, while Democrats laugh for more...interesting reasons.

Republicans, sadly, laugh in response to humor that makes fun of race, gender, financial status, golf scores, lack of golf club membership, lack of a driver with one of the new impressively enormous heads (the golf club, not your chauffer, you country club type!). And they laugh at lack of golf clubs, lack of tees, lack of fancy golf shoes, lack of $800 golf bags, lack of a caddy on salary, lack of a Ferrari golf cart, Armani plaid baggy pants, and lack of a budget for premium beers.

But, the Democrats use laughter for a whole other secret purpose. It is the code for conveying clandestine meaning - a sort of verbal speed-dial:

1 LOL means "YES."
2 LOL's means "NO."
3 LOL's means "I hate Bush."

For example, here is a reason encoded conversation between two Democrats at a kids' soccer game, when they feared Republicans were in the vicinity:

Dem1: LOL LOL LOL.
Dem2: LOL LOL LOL.
Dem1: "Ok, pleased to meet you."
Dem2: "Same. Smoke pot?"
Dem1: LOL. "Do crack?"
Dem2: LOL. "Hate Rush Limbaugh?"
Dem1: LOL. "Hate Michael Savage?"
Dem2: LOL LOL LOL.
Dem1: "No, Michael Savage!"
Dem2: "Oh, sorry." LOL "McCain, hate 'em?"
Dem1: LOL "Palin?"
(pause)
Dem2: LOL LOL LOL LOL!
Dem1: "Yeah, baby!" LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!
Dem2: LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL...
Dem1: (At the same time:) LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!
(pause.)
(And then both light cigarettes.)

Republican looking over and catching Democrats smoking: LOL!

Democrats both skulk over to the other end of the bleacher, murmuring repeatedly: LOL LOL LOL!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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