English Football Fans Disgrace Themselves Again
Today, after the Champion's League final, won by lots of foreign players, Chelsea and Manchester United fans let down their country disgracefully again, by not rioting across the streets of Moscow. To add to their shame, only a handful of fans ha...
Read full storyAlaska's Gov Palin hates polar bears
Anchorage, Alaska - (Frozen Ass Mess): Governor Sarah Palin is determined to de-list polar bears as a threatened species after a law protecting them was passed in DC last week.
Read full storyRonaldo To Join The Portugese Olympic Diving Team
It was announced today that Manchester United striker, Cristian Ronaldo, will join the Portuguese Olympic diving team.
Read full storyRoyal palaces swabbed down in dawn cocaine tests swoop
London - (Ass Mess): A Civil List hit-squad has swooped down in a dawn raid on occupied royal palaces to determine the extent of rampant cocaine abuse among recipients of cushy state handouts.
Read full storyGermans licking Hitler's backside once again
Berlin - (Third Reich Mess): Germany's national post office has issued stamps with Hitler's image once again following overwhelming demand from the country's Christian Democratic Party.
Read full storyCrewe and Nantwich by-election candidates
Here is the list of the candidates for the Crewe and Nantwich by-election:...
Read full story'Sod you, I'm having a long weekend' - God
Inspired by actions of TheSpoof.com editor Mark Lowton, omnipotent being God, has announced he will be absent this weekend. "I really need to get the shed sorted out as the missus is really bending my ear about it." he said today.
Read full storyThe Story Part 8 "Into the underworld"
This story tells the woebegot tale of 'Andy Pandy Sugar And Candy Big Smile Sam Spanker Steph Lover Fluffy Silky Moo' hereafter to be known as APSCBSSSSLFSM and that of those he meets on the journey of his life.
Read full storyDissident Executions To Be New Olympic Sport
The People's Republic of China today announced that a new field event was to be included in the Olymic Games - the shooting of dissidents.
Read full storyDrogba in coma after stubbing toe
Chelsea football star 'P' Didier Drogba is still in intensive care today after stubbing his toe in a dramatic 'corner of the bed' incident.
Read full storyMissing Element found
An Element, believed to be missing from the Periodic Table has been found, in a pub in Yorkshire.
Read full storyGeography Teacher Plot to Bore Students to Death Uncovered
Teachers at a high school in De Moines, Iowa, had been planning to bore all their pupils to death - by changing schedules so that every class would be a geography lesson - in a revenge attack for the students inabil...
Read full storyNATO launches Bush obituary competition
NATO HQ, Brussels - (Rioters): NATO top brass is launching a worldwide competition for the best George W Bush advance obituary after being inundated with demands for a $25 million ransom to try him for crimes against humanity.
Read full storySuperdelegates Revealed To Be Mere Mortals
After months of speculation regarding the secret identities of 796 so-called Superdelegates, it was revealed today that despite a higher-than-normal average of oversized egos, none of the delegates have actual alter egos and in fact appear to be mere...
Read full storyThe Lord will vindicate me says New Mexico apocalyptic sex cult nutter
Santa Fe, New Mexico - (Fetid Ass Mess): "Bent by name and bent by nature," is how a Clayton grand jury public prosecutor described the Lord Our Righteous Mess Church pastor-cum-prophet Wayne Bent, 69, indicting him on new a host o...
Read full storyMen 'to be illegal by 2013'
Male adults are to be outlawed under plans being considered by the Government, it has emerged.
Read full storyPrincess Diana not in news for six weeks
World news media companies were reeling today when a trainee journalist in Fleet Street suddenly realised that Princess Diana had not been mentioned in the news for nearly six weeks.
Read full storyMPs' decision opens up equal rights bid for blind pilots
HUMAN rights campaigners were today celebrating the decision by MPs to scrap the need for a father before allowing women to seek IVF treatment.
Read full story"Somebody should have curbed the Kennedy mythology" says ex-CIA official
Langley, Virginia - (AssoCIAted Mess & Reuterus): A former senior official at the President George Herbert Bush Center For Intelligence (sic) said today that someone should have stopped the Kennedy family from relentless self reinvention after Ted Ke...
Read full storyBallmer pelted with eggs - personal firewall ineffective
Despite having a personal firewall built to protect him from the vitriol of millions of dissatisfied Vista customers, Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO was today pelted with eggs in Budapest.
Read full storyUK motorists scorn crude-obese lily-livered US gas-guzzlers
London - (Petrol Mess): A survey of British motorists who currently fork out £5 ($10) per gallon of petrol has slammed the pathetic whinging of their American counterparts who are moaning at having to fork out $4 (£2) for the equivalent.
Read full storyChevron blames Bush
Off-the-Wall St, NYC - (Iraq War Mess): Big oil giant Chevron has blamed the Bush Administration's Iraq war policy for runaway crude prices, a rock-bottom weak dollar and the spiralling cost of pizza dough.
Read full storyIraq takes over the UK's weather
In a dramatic moved based on both global warming and the Met Office's inability to predict the weather two days hence, Iraq has decided to take over the weather on our behalves.
Read full storyPolice Vote For Right To Make The Public Laugh
Police officers in England and Wales have voted to lobby the government for the right to make the public laugh, and were already practising doing that today, anticipating it would become law.
Read full storyGordon Brown to sack himself in summer cabinet reshuffle
In a remarkable move aimed at making the government more popular as it reaches the half-way stage between elections, some dramatic suggestions have come from research into the reshuffle most likely to have a positive effect.
Read full storyDuchess Of York Thrown Out Of Hull By Angry Obesity Enthusiasts
Sarah Ferguson, or, if you like, the Duchess of York, has been unceremoniously dumped out of the city of Hull by unhealthy eating campaigners, after starring in a reality TV show which promoted better diets amongst the Poor
Read full storyCrime In The Womb On The Increase, Says Study
A new study into the increased levels of crime amongst younger people has shown that offences committed by embryos still in the womb is on the increase.
Read full storyJohn le Carré's 1979 'Miley's People' proves to be prophetic blockbuster
London - (Teenage Ass Mess): A lightweight novel written some 29 years ago by British fiction writer John le Carré has proved to be spookily prescient.
Read full storyWell Mingin!
As a result of the ever increasing popularity of 'Chav Culture' sweeping the UK, Digital TV is to launch The Chav Channel from November this year.
Read full storyEndemic disgust at Bush plan to visit London
London - (Jaw-dropping Mess): A nationwide spontaneous projectile vomiting pandemic has erupted after the official announcement of a George W Bush visit to Old Blighty next month.
Read full storyPolice investigate theft of pay rise
Police up and down the country are investigating the disappearance of 0.6% of their pay. Normally sedentary officers appear to now be highly motivated to solve this particular crime because it affects them directly.
Read full storyLiverpool UFO sparks Queen abduction fears
Toxteth - (Alien Mess): A phallic-shaped UFO spotted over the UK's former slave trade capital has sparked fears that the Queen will be abducted during her official visit on Friday.
Read full storyThe opinion poll of opinion polls
A recent poll carried out by the highly respected MAAN (Much Ado About Nothing) organisation has revealed that most opinion polls are actually completely irrelevant and unreliable.
Read full storyOPEC Tells George Bush To "Go Pound Sand Up His Ass"
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - Oil hit $130 per barrel as George Bush sobbed on global television begging oil nations for more oil.
Read full storyMayhem as Osama Bin Laden takes over Elvis Presley's daytime job
There were scenes of shock, horror and disbelief when Elvis Presley turned up for work today at Sam 'n' Ellas Fish and Chip shop on the Isle of Bute.
Read full storyGiant Lama addresses parliament
MP's were today lectured to by Gerald the Giant Lama, who is currently on an educational tour of the western world.
Read full storyClinton Concedes to Obama, Steals Libertarian Nomination from Barr
Facing certain defeat due to Barack Obama's insurmountable lead and his refusal to look for sex in public bathrooms, Senator Hillary Clinton resigned from the race for the Democratic presidential nomination on Tuesday night.
Read full storyNew consumer watchdog Offrip launched today
Today sees the launch of the new consumer watchdog Offrip, whose job it is to ensure people in Britain continue to pay extortionate prices for products sold much more cheaply abroad. Heading the new watchdog is Robin Meeblind, the man who invented...
Read full storyHillary Clinton wins Champions League final
Despite not even being in the running, Democratic Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, has claimed victory in the Champions League final, ousting both Chelsea and Manchester United.
Read full storyOn yer Bike
It's official. Cyclists in the City of London have topped a MORI poll regarding what is the most threatening thing in the capital today.
Read full storyClay Aiken calls his visit to China Town "Scary"
Los Angeles, California - On a recent late night talk show, Clay Aiken described his visit to China Town in a New York City burrow as scary. Meaning no harm of course, but his comments raised more than a few eyebrows, as a number of self-conscious Ch...
Read full storyStatue of David Starts Urinating
In Florence yesterday a cleaner at the Galleria dell'Academia reported seeing yellow fluid dripping from the most recognisable statue in the world.
Read full storyGin it to win it
An alarming report has been published which has discovered that on Friday 14th April, 2008, 92% of Londoners were drunk, tipsy or paralytic.
Read full storyBush-Cheney Caught with their Mideast Domino Theory Down around their Ankles!
Israeli sources announced this week that Bush-Cheney revealed to them that a pre-Christmas attack on Iran was in the worst President ever's letter to Santa. Unable to manage wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, some think Bush would like to go out with...
Read full storyThe Loveable Idiot
Edward Ainscough, 48 of Loughborough has been named officially as Britain's 'Stupidest Individual' after a succession of disasters, mishaps and prize 'cock ups'.
Read full storyNCAA Report on Acceptability of Big East Conference Nicknames
Part 4 of a 12 part series...
Read full storyTed's Tumor Told Him Obamor!
Oncologists will tell you that brain cancer can influence the thoughts and voices heard by tumor sufferers. When it was discovered that Ted Kennedy had a brain tumor, political experts searched the medical archives for evidence to explain the filthy...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Remark Only the Tip of the Iceberg?
During February campaigning in Milwaukee for her huband Barack, Michelle Obama's somewhat cryptic remark, "For the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country, because it feels like hope is making a comeback" has resurfaced in an anti-Obama Republican TV ad in Tennessee. Just what did she mean? Was there nothing to be proud about America before her husband started on t...
Read full storyLiberalism causes brain cancer
A study performed at Massachusetts General Hospital revealed today that liberalism causes seizures, brain tumors, and cancer. This study will go hand-in-hand with Ted Kennedy's recent health problems and is currently suspected to be the main cau...
Read full storyScandal rocks Special Olympics
A scandal has rocked the organising committee of the Beijing Special Olympics.
Read full storyErectile Dysfunction possible sign of heart disease in diabetic men -- That, or you're probably Gay, study says
Atlanta, Georgia - Linking vascular conditioning of the heart to its ability to effectively pump blood to the penis for engorgement, leading to a healthy virile erection, recent medical research on the illness of diabetes has inadvertently lead to th...
Read full storyU.S. Treasury Must Redesign All Paper Currency for Equal Protection of the Blind
Per a very recent court ruling, the Treasury Department of the U.S. is now obliged to provide blind Americans with a way or ways for them to be able to distinguish different denominations of paper currency, from the one-dollar bill to the hundred-dol...
Read full story