Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

image for Crime In The Womb On The Increase, Says Study
"A worrying trend"

A new study into the increased levels of crime amongst younger people has shown that offences committed by embryos still in the womb is on the increase.

The study, by the UK Violence Research Council, shows a marked rise of nearly 200% in violent crimes, such as kicking and elbowing, and it's believed that many other crimes go unreported by expectant mothers.

In 2006, only 106 reports of violent crime in the womb were received by the Crown Prosecution Service, but last year, this figure more than doubled, leading to the wild conclusions in this latest report.

One victim of Womb Crime, Cynthia Jackson, 19, from Somerset, said:

"The choild wouldn't stop kicking me. Oi 'ad to report et to the pegs!"*

Other mothers complained of being woken up at night with elbows, knees and fists being rammed into them, with one even claiming she was head-butted by her unborn offspring.

Dr Marcus von Treblinka of Shizzle Hospital in London said:

"It's a worrying trend."

* Pegs = pigs

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Police, Crime

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