Written by Revisorius

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

image for Superdelegates Revealed To Be Mere Mortals
Green man-beast sought for questioning after Ohio delegate goes missing

After months of speculation regarding the secret identities of 796 so-called Superdelegates, it was revealed today that despite a higher-than-normal average of oversized egos, none of the delegates have actual alter egos and in fact appear to be mere mortals. Party chairmen later confirmed that the Superdelegate concept had been concocted out of thin air by a power-starved Democratic Party during the 1980s.

"This means that the fate of the Democrats, and possibly the entire United States, rests on the shoulders of 796 schmos who are no different than you and I," said an incensed John Q. Public. "You'd think there'd be an immortal or at least one laser beam-visioned yokel among 'em, but no. One of them is even a 21-year-old college kid! What's his power, writing a 20-page term paper in six caffeine-fueled hours?"

Other Superdelegates turned out to be lawyers, real estate developers, septuagenarian retirees, and a woman from Oklahoma named Kitti--all endoskeletal, earth-bound mammals who require oxygen to survive.

Following today's revelation, delegates including Pennsylvania Congressman Bob Brady and Oregon Secretary of State Bill Bradbury vowed to stay on until the end, while Ohio-based scientist Bruce Banner angrily withdrew his name from the list without explanation and was later reported missing.

Asked to comment on the super controversy after being trotted out for the occasion, Marvel Comics figurehead Stan Lee babbled, "Mutants! Excelsior! 'Nuff said."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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