OPEC Tells George Bush To "Go Pound Sand Up His Ass"

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

image for OPEC Tells George Bush To "Go Pound Sand Up His Ass"
A lot of sand to pound

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - Oil hit $130 per barrel as George Bush sobbed on global television begging oil nations for more oil.

"I want lower oil prices to fuel the wasteful lifestyles of our piggish US citizens and my bloated fascist military," sniffled Bush on prime-time.

"It is our God and Jesus given right to have cheap oil for our SUVs and monster homes cause we are Americans!" shrieked Bush.

In response, the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) once again said that Bush could "go pound sand up his ass."

During these record-high oil prices, OPEC members and others are laughing all the way to the bank as the oil price skyrockets due to a falling dollar, frantic dollar printing, global inflation and rampant speculation.

OPEC Secretary General Abdullah el-Badassbaaramaramri said "it is totally disgusting to see that half-witted, lameduck US president begging for oil. What a moron. He had his chance over two terms to get his nation off oil imports and into green energy and efficiency but the turkey blew it."

Instead, el-Badassbaaramaramri said, "the monkey decided to invade Afghanistan and Iraq in order to corner the oil markets and to appease the Israelis, and that ploy has failed miserably."

Energy analysts agreed OPEC cannot raise oil output much anyway and also China and India now slurp up vast amounts of oil even as the US economy slows. They also said OPEC could not increase oil production since all its big oil wells "are drying up pretty quick."

el-Badassbaaramaramri added that "there is no way we are gonna increase oil production anyway for Bush since he lets Israel murder Palestinians and steal even more of their land. Bush and Israel are dedicated to Jewish land theft and never wanted a Palestinian state anyway."

Meanwhile, fools in the US House of Representatives approved legislation on Tuesday allowing the Justice Department to sue OPEC members for limiting oil supplies, but Bush said he would veto the measure because it could spur "retaliatory action against American interests in those countries."

Investment banks and oil analysts expect crude oil prices to surpass $200 this year.

--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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