Disgust at Flower Show sunken Chinese garden
London - (Horticultural Mess): A sunken Chinese garden has caused quite a stir at this year's Flower Show after depicting a typical Sichuan scene in the aftermath of the recent 7.8 Richter Scale quake.
Read full storyCops query if Fritzl was architectural consultant to Portuguese holiday complex
Portimao, Algarve - (Preposterous Mess): Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritzl has been questioned about possible architectural design connections to a Portuguese holiday home complex at the center of a missing child case.
Read full storyNice little NHS earner as human placentas sold to dog food cannery
London - (Afterbirth Mess): The NHS Watchdog is investigating a human birth byproducts scandal involving canny NHS managers whose entrepreneurial spirit was slammed after two tons of human placenta ended up in a dog food cannery.
Read full storyMay 20th 2008: birth centenary of general who exposed Reagan/Bush1 as KGB sickos
Arlington, Virginia - (Atrocious Mess): Clan members of a family persecuted by Ronald Reagan and George Bush Senior have met this weekend to lay flowers on the grave of a former US five star general whose 1983 US Supreme Court testimony laid bare the...
Read full storyHilary Cliton, Michael Jackson and JesusBudda the Trinity!
TheSpoof.com - It is currently being speculated that boy-bottom-spanker Michael Jackson and presidential candidate Hilary Clinton are infact one and the same.
Read full storySen. Joe Biden re-thinks decision to back out
Wilmington, DE - Sen. Joseph Biden (D-DEL) announced today he is forming a 'democratic nomination exploratory committee' to see if it would be feasible to possibly get back into the race and become the Democratic nominee.
Read full storyRadders Reveals He is A Wizard After All
Anybody who thought that Daniel Jacob Radcliffe was just an ordinary 18 year old lad, has obviously been living on a different planet for the past decade. However the good looks and ridiculous bank balance aside I suppose you would have to call him h...
Read full storyNCAA Evaluates Offensiveness of All Major College Nicknames
The National Collegiate Athletics Association has issued a sweeping judgement on the nicknames of all universities which compete in the Football Bowl Subdivision.
Read full storyDachshund Helps Mute Children Speak
Identical twin brothers Jerry and Jerome Jefferson have simultaneously spoken their first words ever at age eight. Their mother, Jennifer, said "This truly is a miracle. The Lord used that cute little dog with floppy ears to help make my mute child...
Read full storyTed Kennedy writes book on Chappaquiddick
Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy wrote a fictitious version of what may have happened at Chappaquiddick on July 19, 1969.
Read full storyWomen's Catholic College Struggles to Admit Men
Rosebud, a Catholic College for woman in Pennsylvania, is facing hard times. Because of the need for more funds to keep it in business, the College President, Carol Avirgine, said that the College can maintain the mission and grow by including men.
Read full storyScottish Scientists Discover Alcohol Causes Memory Loss
Lead scientist Dr. Fergus McFaddie of the University of Edinburgh announced today that alcohol causes memory loss. This is the seventh or eighth time that Dr. McFaddie has made this announcement in the last three years or maybe it has been four.
Read full storyThree Men walk into a bar
In Swindon, Mark Fellowes, his cousin, and a friend walked into a pub, and no-one noticed it.
Read full storyMohammad Al Fayed asks Russell Grant what the future holds
Cuddly astrologer Russell Grant has been approached by Harrod's owner Mohammed Al Fayed about what the future holds.
Read full storyTell me, is this your Sheep? Tops the ratings
TV entertainment smorgasbord 'Tell me, is this your sheep?' in which comedian Joe Pasquale, squeaky voiced jokester of no repute asks the question is now topping the ratings.
Read full storyDrunk Elephant just can't forget
Sam, an Elephant in Dudley zoo just can't forget, despite the fact that he drinks every night.
Read full storyPrescott and Blair, in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G
Scandalous news from the first drafts of both John Prescott and Cherie Blair's autobiographies have revealed that in the early 1990's, the two were very nearly involved in an affair.
Read full storyHillary Swank wins Montucky Primary
Hillary Swank was surprised to hear she has won the Montucky primary as a write-in candidate edging out other write-in candidates The Cat in the Hat, Fred Flintstone and Jack Daniels by a thin margin.
Read full storyGaza Strips Off On CNN
In an in-depth and intellectual documentary, CNN news station today showed the world that the Gaza Strip, once seen as a complex and distressing part of the world, at the heart of an ancient and troubled war zone, is actually a striptease artiste.
Read full storyChina Announces Pointless 3 Day Exercise
China announced today that it would hold a totally pointless exercise in mourning, which will last for 3 days.
Read full storyBehind all that plastic surgery he's still the top JFK asssassin accomplice suspect
Cape Cod - (Fishy Business Mess): Senator Ted Kennedy was rushed into intensive care last night following the discovery of a giant fissure in his 22 November 1963 alibi.
Read full storyHillary Clinton To Be Playmate Next Week
Senator Hillary Clinton is due to pose nude for Playboy magazine next month. Playboy editor, Harold Shortsight, said: 'Yes, we've tried for years to get Mrs. Clinton to pose for us, but she always refused. At last we've got her to agree, this wil...
Read full storyCommonwealth diplomats shocked at royal wedding chapel flesh-flash
Windsor Castle - (Bare Ass Mess): Non-Christian Commonwealth ambassadors to the Court of St James's have recoiled in horror at this weekend's gratuitous display of sluttish female flesh at the nuptials of the puppet monarchy's leading no...
Read full storySarcasm Wins First Prize At 'Lowest Form of Wit' Awards Show
Sarcasm has come out trumps for a seventh year running at the annual 'Lowest Form of Wit' awards show, beating off competition from irony, mockery and knock-knock jokes.
Read full storyCup Final Was The Most Exciting In History
Pundits across England were today calling the English FA Cup final the most exciting one in history. Commentating legend, John Motson, aged 11, said: 'Well, David, this is certainly surprising. I spoke to Sir Alex Ferguson earlier, and he said it...
Read full storyNazi S&M orgy nutter Mosley stung by ex-MI5 CEO spouse's disclosures
London - (Lurid Ass Mess): The octogenarian husband of former top spook Dame Stella Rimington has laughed off reports that his wife was weilding the whip when Nazi S&M nutter Max Mosley was busted in a fetid orgy sting in March this year.
Read full storyChinese Earthquakes Lead to Hardhat Shortage
Recent earthquakes in China have led to a shortage of hardhats for rescue workers. Ingeniously Chinese officials have diverted all factory production of Tupperware salad bowls in Sinkiang province to meet the shortfall.
Read full storyBritain braced for new fuel protest
In a secret meeting in a bunker somewhere in southern-England, motoring organisations have hammered out the plans for a new nationwide fuel protest that threatens to bring Gordon Brown's embattle...
Read full storyBritney Spears Is Actually A Piece Of Broccoli
In a surprise piece of news today, it turned out that Britney Spears is actually just a piece of broccoli. Rumours have circulated the media world for months that Miss Spears is just a dinner vegetable, with little or no awareness, but now, at la...
Read full storyAshlee Simpson weds Pete Wentz - forgets words
Wannabe pop-princess Ashlee Simpson misread the autocue at her own wedding and instead began reciting a song by The Beatles.
Read full storyScotland Declared A Third World Country
Scotland was officially declared a Third World country, by the United Nations, today in Geneva.
Read full storyBBC converts Television Centre into 'brothel'
After years of apparently declining standards and after attempts to compete with other more down-market, popularist TV channels, the BBC has taken the inevitable step of converting its HQ into a brothel. Rather than watch the programmes, members of...
Read full storyRun For The Hills As Scourge Of Killer Butterflies Returns
Killer butterflies have once more been spotted in England and sources close to the government are said to be stumped.
Read full storyMiddle East Problems To Be Decided On A Golf Course
Speaking from the exclusive Qeep-yer-camels-and-boys-unda-gard Golf Course near Cairo, President George 'Fore!' Bush today announced that the problems of the Middle East will be settled by golf.
Read full storyJohn Prescott 'Starving'
Downing Street today announced that Deputy Dawg John 'Twiggy' Prescott is starving.
Read full storySame Sex marriage legalised
"I have been having the same sex all through our marriage. Yes it's boring but now it's legal' said Duwayne Barton , 43. "I am delighted."...
Read full storyDaniel Estulin, Jim Tucker & Alex Jones Listed On This Year's Bilderberg Attendees List.
'Yes, yes we were there,' Alex Jones finally admitted during one of his mid week radio show rants. 'So what? It's not like we could turn down the offer!'...
Read full storyThe End of Pandering to the Olympic Torch
A panda yesterday accidentally sat on the Olympic torch rendering it impossible to retrieve it without surgery.
Read full storyIndiana Jones considering name change
Grizzly archaeologist and inspiration for four hit movies, Indiana Jones today announced he is thinking of changing his name. "I like Montana Jones but am afraid the Miley Cyrus Fans will get too confused."...
Read full storyMrs. Clinton Bites Obama's Ear!
In a move that reminded many in the audience of the Hollyfield Fight of 1997, Obama lost a bite of his ear to Mrs. Clinton in Kentucky earlier today.
Read full storyEllen DeGeneres, Chelsea Clinton to marry
Ellen DeGeneres and daughter of former President Clinton are putting the California Supreme Court ruling in favor of gay marriage into action -- she and Chelsea Victoria Clinton plan to wed, DeGeneres announced during the taping of a popular...
Read full storyHillary to have sex-change!
Chappaqua, NY - Hillary Clinton is said to be considering a sex-change operation. An anonymous source has stated she feels she is a victim of a sexist media.
Read full storyPrince changes name...again!
Minneapolis, MN - Today, the artist-former-known as Prince and then some weird he/she symbol has changed his name again to some new, more weird crescent moon, Islamic-type symbol (see image).
Read full storyAmerican dentists to do charity work in 3rd world U.K.
London, England - In an effort to help the notoriously dentally-challenged British, the United States government made a declaration to help their Limey friends across the pond. The American League of dentists declared this a noble mission.
Read full storyObama has a plan for America's economy!
Washington D.C. - Senator Barack Obama today announced his plan for the poor American economic condition.
Read full storyFond du Lac man world's first
FOND DU LAC, WISCONSIN -- A Fond du Lac man has been declared by the Guinness Book of World Records to be first to "read, understand and accept" all of the terms and conditions associated with an Internet software download.
Read full storyUS to Peg Dollar to Rat's Ass
Fed chairman Ben Bernanke says "We were looking for a new stable pre-set intertemporally constant fixed asset to peg the greenback against, and the rat's ass was it".
Read full storyFlowerpot Man Disappears Days Before Comeback Due
Kiddies favourite, Ben the flowerpot man, one half of iconic duo, Bill and Ben the flowerpot men, has stunned BBC top brass by going missing just days before his new series was to be aired on CBBC.
Read full storyOlympic swimmers to be required to swim nude
Olympic officials have determined that swimsuit makers Speedo, Inc, makers of the LZT racer, and Japan's Yamamoto Corporation have devised swimwear apparel that gives competitors sporting their outfits an unfair advantage over those who are not.
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