Scotland was officially declared a Third World country, by the United Nations, today in Geneva.
Speaking from his bratwurst farm in the city, UN Chiefuhrer Adolf von Coincidental said: 'Ja, Scotland is now a Third World nation. Even after we - I mean Germany - tried to kill all of them, we now wish to help them. Please send your donations to us, to our numbered Zurich bank account.'
For decades people have suspected that Scotland was in urgent need of aid, or at least feeding, but Scots have proudly refused any help, and have even gone as far as saying 'Get lost, Yanks', to lots of parasitical arms manufacturers. But now the situation is so critical, that even Burma and Chinese earthquake sufferers have volunteered to help.
Speaking from her rubble in Xiangxing, Mrs. Xunpro Naoncabul said: 'We thought we had problems, til we realised nothing was worse than living in Scotland. Thank you.' And American Presidential hopeful, George Shrubya Boosh added: 'We'll help them Scotties - by carpet-bombing them til they accept our help.'
But Scottish Prime Pishtalker, Gordon Brownkey, said: 'When does my monthly direct debit from Washington come in?'
The BBC is now so bad that it will be shot at dawn tomorrow.
