In a surprise piece of news today, it turned out that Britney Spears is actually just a piece of broccoli.
Rumours have circulated the media world for months that Miss Spears is just a dinner vegetable, with little or no awareness, but now, at last, it has been confirmed.
Speaking from her luxury trailer in the Mojave Desert, Miss Spears said: 'Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know? I should have guessed, I guess.' She was referring to the fact that her entire life so far has consisted of being stuck in a shop window with people ignoring her, unless her manager nudges her to make her move.
But how she has managed to become a mother is a bit of a mystery to the grocery world. A spokescarrot for Vegetable Aid, Saint Bob Bogof, said: 'Send me yer publicity - now! Stop sending it to Britney, I'm more important than her!' And Bono, in an uncharacteristic piece of self-promotion, said: 'Yes, I suspected she was a vegetable, and I should know - I have to stand near The Edge on stage.'
Even politicians were surprised, and Presidential no-hoper, B J Baracka, said: 'Well, if a talentless, bland nobody like me can feature on the news every day, there's hope for all vegetables.'
But fellow vegetable Christina Auberginera, famous for once opening a door for herself, said: 'Wow! And all this time I thought Britney was a talented singer and wonderful mother. I can hardly believe she's just something to be ignored, and left on the side of the plate.' And ex-Ronald McDonald, now a strict vegetarian, Billary Crouton, said: 'Maybe a piece of broccoli can become next President of the United States, it would make a better job of it than George Bush has.'
John McCain is out to lunch.
