Lead scientist Dr. Fergus McFaddie of the University of Edinburgh announced today that alcohol causes memory loss. This is the seventh or eighth time that Dr. McFaddie has made this announcement in the last three years or maybe it has been four.
Dr. McFaddie gives much of the credit for his discovery to his college Dr. Watshisname who got his dates mixed up and was not in attendance at the announcement.
While much alcohol research has taken place unofficially over the years by individuals and football clubs now thanks to the Scots there is a comprehensive document and findings on the subject. Unlike most scientific papers the McFaddie report reads more like a do-it-yourself course on how to get there with a stunning myriad of options outlining the many step-by-step processes that are possible to achieve results, like a reverse medical home examiner.
According to Dr.McFaddie a major innovation was the creation of a watchamacollit to track the effects of alcohol on subjects over an extended period of time.
Dr. McFaddie is proud to say that many of his subjects have gone on to successful careers working in politics and at the BBC though he could not put his finger on anyone in particular at the time.
Visibly elated with his discovery Dr. McFaddie had trouble containing his excitement. Often stopping and starting his speech he slurred his words and had to be restrained by several of his colleagues after taking a couple of swings at the University Chancellor.
McFaddie is not content with his triumph; he next plans on using his expertise gained in alcohol research to explain beer to women.