"Double whammy if you're very, very lucky" astrologers claim as Thatcher rushed to hospital
London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): London astrologers have said that Margaret Thatcher is on her last legs, may not survive the night in hospital and will be eclipsed in death of her rightful headline-grabbing glory by a double whammy demise of an even...
Read full storyTop Ten Ways to Know You Are an Hollywood Has-Been.
10. When you ask someone, "Don't you know who I am?" and they reply "No."...
Read full storyScientist Creates Girlfriend For Himself
Professor Hinginbottom from the University of Life has successfully created a female girlfriend for himself under laboratory conditions.
Read full storyCarteris of '90210' Sues for Injuries.
Gabrielle Carteris formerly of '90210' is suing the the makers of her 2006 move "Past Tense". Carteris is claiming that due to their negligence she suffered several injuries. The injuries were received in February of 2006, almost tw...
Read full storyMum's NO longer the word
Following shock news announced recently that Britain is to be totally gay by 2038, the government have issued an equally surprising statement. However, when given careful thought it's not surprising really - at long last the gove...
Read full storyExpect another Pastor Haggard fiasco as Blair appointed Yale's new preacher
New Haven, Connecticut - (Reuterus): Vice Squad cops are warning of an imminent, Pastor Haggard-like disaster following the news that former UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has been appointed as a visiting preacher at Yale University.
Read full storyReality T.V. Must Die!
For the sake of movie, t.v. and music lovers everywhere... Reality T.V. must die. Reality shows are a true disillusionment. Take Maureen McCormick, who is Maureen McCormick, you ask. Why Marsha Brady, I answer. Or more well known as the newest Reality Show staple. Celebrity Fit Club and now Gone Country. Let us not forget the other Brady, Christopher Knight, a.k.a. Peter Brady. The Surreal Life an...
Read full storyNobody Knows Meaning of William F. Buckley Jr.'s Dying Words
When William F. Buckley, Jr. passed away last week at his home in Stamford, Connecticut, he uttered dying words to his cook that nobody knows the meaning of.
Read full storyAmerican Males' Sexual Needs/Complaints Now Finally Understood
"MEN'S GRIPES," the monthly proclamation of what really turns on or pisses off the American male, finally has the results of its commissioned study, "Just, What The Fuck Does The Bitch Want?" This Summary presents Part 1 of a 3-part series.
Read full storyNew Languages to Be Taught in Schools.
During the past few months, school boards across the nation have been in meetings. The topic of these meetings? The new language course curriculum. Spanish, French, German, and in some schools Japanese will still be taught. But with the breakdown in...
Read full storyObama Funds Anti Clinton and Anti McCain Ads
Mephistophel, Tennessee (IPP) - Barrack Obama received word that Hillary Clinton was looking for financial help in creating an anti-John McCain political advertisement for television.
Read full storyClinton Funds McCain Anti Obama Ad
Mephistophel, Tennessee (IPP) - Senator Hillary Clinton received word that John McCain was looking for financial help for creating an anti-Obama advertisement for television.
Read full storyBarry Manilow Trains as Sniffer Dog
Cheesy crooner, Barry Manilow, has been spotted performing on all fours at a police dog training center in Southern California, prompting rumors that the "Copacabana" singer is on the path to become...
Read full storyJohn McCain Picks Bush As Veep
John McCain selected Laura Bush as his running mate for President of the United States. Sighting that she has equal experience to Hillary Clinton: living in the White House; sleeping with the president; traveling to over fifty nations with the Presi...
Read full storyMcCain Funds Clinton Anti Obama Ad
Mephistophel, Tennessee (IPP) - John McCain received word that Hillary Clinton was looking for financial help in creating an Anti-Obama political advertisement for television.
Read full storyDrug Dealing Robot Built by Atlanta Man
Atlanta, Georgia (IPP) - An Atlanta man has designed and built a robot that will sell illegal drugs on the street.
Read full storyMichael Moore's Next Film Project a Scathing Indictment of Michael Moore's Health Care System
The award-winning director of "Roger & Me," "Bowling for Columbine" and "Sicko" is hard at work producing and directing his next film, "Fatso," said to be a harsh look at Michael Moore's health care system.
Read full storyRAF Uniform To Change After Scathing Attacks From Civilians
The Royal Air Force (RAF) has announced radical new changes to its uniform as a direct result of the abuse thrown at its serving personnel by several oikish residents of Peterborough.
Read full storyMcCain and Republicans Rely on Scare Tactics Again
Ney York, New York (IPP) - According to John McCain most people have forgotten about the phony yellow and orange alerts that occured on a daily basis right up to the last day of the 2004 presidential election. McCain told reporters that this was an...
Read full storyWarren Beatty Confesses: "I think this song is about me"
Actor Warren Beatty admitted that he really does "think this song is about him" several times a week.
Read full storyMcCain In hostage crisis
In a stark confession today, Senator John McCain reveals the horror of the time he was held hostage, with many other innocent businessmen, in the Nakotomi Plaza siege.
Read full storyBangladeshis demand share of America's "superbowl"
After revealing that nearly 70% of the world is oblivious of USA's annual star-studded sports event, the superbowl, BBC (Bureau of Bureaucratic Copycats) has made another amazing revelation, the Bangladeshis want...
Read full storyParis Hilton To Operate New Atom Smasher
(Geneva, Switzerland) The International Atomic Agency (IAA) voted unanimously to let Paris Hilton conduct the first experiment on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) once it opens later next month.
Read full storyButt Plugs Replace Steroid Use
Cleveland, Ohio (IPP) - Authorities report a dramatic decline in the use of steroids by athletes in baseball and other sports. Butt plugs have replaced steroid use and its inherent dangers.
Read full storyInsider Probe as Working Class Bitch Odds-On to Take Canine Crown
NEC Birmingham - (Rioters): An insider probe is under way at online spread-betting index Aintgottaprayer.con after a suspicious betting pattern emerged on a red hot Working Class bitch-on-heat to win the famous shaggy dog contest.
Read full storyHawk Had It Coming; Isenhour, Others Laugh at the Dead Bird
Pro Golfer, Tripp Isenhour, may not be in trouble after all.
Read full storyClinton/Obama Ticket Sealed. Deal Done.
The Wall Street Journal reported, Sources inside the Clinton campaign and Team Obama have independently confirmed that Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama have come to a, "back door agreement", to unite the Democratic Party.
Read full storyGoogle Acquires Spoof, Vows To Get Rid Of 'Terrible Writers'
Google, the biggest internet search engine in the Universe, has taken control of little-known satirical news website TheSpoof.com, and has announced 'major changes' to its administration, says a report. Owners of Google, John and Jason Google of O...
Read full storyQueen Mudder To Go Into Rehab
Queen Mudder, the well-known story-writing sensation on satirical news website TheSpoof.com, has checked into a Rehab Clinic after suffering a mental breakdown, and is expected to sp...
Read full storyKlein "embarassed" by first draft discovery.
Anti-corporate author Naomi Klein was last night refusing to answer her door and telephone, after a farmer discovered her first draft of her breakthrough book "No Logo" under a haystack.
Read full storyJohn McCain Has Affection Towards President Bush
The scandal surrounding John McCain's alleged affair with a lobbyist may have died down for the time being, but Washington is still buzzing after President Bush endorsed John McCain for the presidency of the United States.
Read full storyBarack Obama to pose nude for Playgirl
In order to increase support for his waning presidential candidacy and to attract more gay and female voters, Senator Barack Obama has agreed to pose nude for Playgirl Magazine.
Read full storyMcCain and the Red Phone
McCain is known to lose his cool on occasion. He's had more tantrums on the floor of the Senate than an unruly 4 year old. He's screamed the F word at so many senators his nickname is F-Bomb McCain. The word bomb might refer to his langua...
Read full storyCharlie's (not the Unicorn) Exclusive Biographical Interview.
In a small town in the United States, a man of twenty two years old named Jacob won the lottery, a total sum (after taxes) of one million dollars. When asked what he would do with the money, he replied that he would probably go to Disney World, Paris, prison, or something else along those lines.
Read full storyFrance Surrenders to Private Shooting Range
Murphy, North Carolina (IPP) - Some men shooting targets at their private gun range were surprised today when the French government showed up and surrendered to the men.
Read full storyNorth Carolina Lottery Eliminates Number 4 Permanently
Raleigh, North Carolina (IPP) - The North Carolina State Lottery has decided to officially eliminate the number 4 from its Play 3 game on a permanent basis.
Read full storyNAFTA Criticism Outlawed in United States
Washington, DC (IPP) - The United States outlawed all criticism of NAFTA in a rare unanimous vote by both the House of Representatives and the Senate.
Read full storyBob The Builder sues Barack Obama for plagiarism
In a test case children's TV favourite Bob the Builder is suing black Messiah Barack Obama over what he describes as "Stealing my whole schtick"...
Read full story