No gain, no pain
Jesus Da Pinta, the former drugs lord-turned-spiritual advisor, has appealed to West Midlands County Council to 'surrender or die' in his long-running dispute over housing benefit.
Read full storyObama: America should have spoken to Bin Laden before 9/11
The Democratic Presidential candidate said recently that America should have met Bin Laden to forestall the 2001 terrorist attacks in which more than a thousand died.
Read full storyPresident Ahmadinejad "seems to be shrinking"
Friends fear for the health of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who, according to reliable sources, "seems to be shrinking at an alarming rate."...
Read full storyBonesmen warn Hillary's RFK gaffe will come home to roost on Friday's 40th RIP anniversay
Chappaqua, NY - (Ass Mess): Grandees of the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones have issued a major disaster warning to Hillary Clinton ahead of the 40th anniversary of Bobby Kennedy's assassination this Friday.
Read full storyThe Two Crispins
Following the success of TV programme, The Two Coreys, TV Bosses are said to be launching a brand new reality show, The Two Crispins.
Read full storyRonaldo In A&E
Portugese whinger Cristiano Ronaldo was today rushed to hospital after one of his dives went tragically wrong.
Read full storyAmerican Election Is Actually A School Captain Election
Not so long ago, America produced great Presidents and inspirational world statesmen, but today all great ex-Presidents, from George Washington to F D Roosevelt, must be turning in their graves as the sun sets on the American Empire, and on the presi...
Read full storyMadonna quits Kabbalah for Scientology
London - (Menopausal Mess): Opus Dei tribute artiste Madonna has quit Kabbalah after a vision of necromancer Aleister Crowley initiated her in a multiple orgasm wet dream as Xenu's ultimate consort and Terran muse.
Read full storyHillary Clinton picks Obama as Vice President
Hillary Clinton picked Obama as her running mate after clinching the Democratic nomination last night.
Read full storyMcCain remembers he has Economics degree
The Republican Presidential nominee has revealed he has a degree in Economics after years of forgetting it.
Read full storyAnti-Franken Republicans sharpen the points on their heads
Two Republican Minnesota legislators demonstrated top-notch reading and comprehension skills by sending an affectionate love letter desperately in need of a good spell-check to Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Al Franken yesterday.
Read full storyRonaldo lured to Hull City - Tevez kidnapped by greedy agents; sold into slavery.
New boys to the premiership and big time Charlies Hull City are sensationally believed to have literally captured two of footballs greatest talents from their title rivals Manchester united.
Read full storyCracks in New York Sidewalk Drive Crazy People Insane
New York City council has come under fire from mental patients at NYC Asylum over the poor condition of the city's sidewalks.
Read full storyHillary Clinton says: "Wait, wait. It's not over 'til I sing!"
Washington, DC - In a not so surprising announcement on the day Barack Obama has reached the magic number of 2118 Delegates and claimed the Democratic Party's Presidential Nomination as his own, Hillary Clinton said in reaction to the news: "...
Read full storyLarry Craig to Advise Clinton on How to Deny Losing Race
Senator Hillary Clinton reached across party lines today and enlisted the help of GOP Senator Larry Craig as a political consultant to advise her on how to deny losing the Democratic primary race to Barrack Obama.
Read full storyHillary Vows To Stay In Democratic Race Until Death
WASHINGTON -- After clinching the Democratic presidential nomination yesterday, Barack Obama would now like to turn his attention to the general election contest with Republican opponent John McCain. But that may not be so easy. Hillary Rodham Clinto...
Read full storyFirst ever Range Rover driver to discover his vehicle has indicators
An upper-class twit from Paddington, Howard I. Noh, discovered today that his Range Rover actually has indicators.
Read full storyPrince William To Be Next James Bond
Prince William, the Royal Warmonger, has landed his first acting role as the new James Bond in the next 007 blockbuster, Casino Royal Flush.
Read full storyBig Brother housemates to be fed their own poo
The housemates for the 2008 series of Big Brother are to be fed their own poo, as part of a new range of humiliations planned by producers.
Read full storyPedestrian is knocked down every 6 minutes according to Dept of Transport
According to research and figures released by the Department of Transport, a pedestrian is knocked down every six minutes on Britain's roads.
Read full storyClinton Concedes With Novel Speech: "I won!"
(New York, New York) - Speaking from a podium in the city so nice they named it twice, Senator Hillary Clinton conceded the Democratic Presidential Nomination to Barack Obama last night by announcing, "I won!" This novel approach to a conc...
Read full storyDoes Anybody Remember?
A Cynical Willyism for the Fuckin' Day 6/5/08 (Yeah tomorrow!)...
Read full storyAlex Ferguson To Retire Early
Sir Alex Ferguson, the Manchester United manager, has shocked fans of the Old Trafford club by announcing his intention to retire early - at about 10pm tonight after Springwatch, which is presented by Bill Oddie.
Read full storyPresident Personally Responsible for Budget Deficits
Washington DC, April 15 2009: The Democratic controlled 111th Congress passed a Constitutional amendment today making the president personally responsible for any budget deficits.
Read full storyJohn McCain 'Feeling Left Out'
John McCain, the current presidential candidate for the Republican party in the US elections, is rumoured to be considering a transfer to the Democratic Party. One of McCain's closest aides revealed that the party leader has been feeling "re...
Read full storyBoris Johnson stands down - hands reins to Mugabe
Boris Johnson the conservative MP for Henley has announced he is to step down from parliament and hand control of his constituency of Henley over to celebrity African dictator Robert Mugabe.
Read full storySteven Gerrard to become an actor
Steven Gerrard, the captain of Liverpool FC, has decided to become an actor.
Read full storyGazza Arrested Again In Hemel Hempstead
Paul Gascoigne, the former Newcastle, Tottenham, Lazio, Rangers, Middlesbrough, Everton, Burnley and Boston United midfielder, has been arrested by Police in Hemel Hempstead and charged under the Mental Health Act.
Read full storyRafael Nadal Introduces New Line of Shorts!
Paris - As Rafael Nadal closes in on another French Open Final his newest endorsement "AeroDynamic Shorts" announced the creation of a new Rafael Nadal line called "Hip Huggers".
Read full storyJapan sneaks curve ball in space
Now that Kibo is safely in space the exuberant Japanese reveal they have tweaked the remote manipulator arm (RMA) to throw fastballs the size of small compact cars.
Read full storyBarnyard and Bryn Bawr Require Birqah for '08-'09
US women's colleges have been suffering from a decline in enrollment since men and women discovered that the real world is coed. Creative recruiters at schools like Mount Holyoke, Wellesley, Barnyard, Smith and Bryn Mawr think that they may have...
Read full storyReceding Hairlines in Women Result from Polygamy and Incest
The San Angelo, Texas Hairline Research Institute has published new findings in the Journal of Balding Women and Children. SATHRI has suspected for years that the wearing of prairie dresses and the torturous bobbing of hair was the underlying cause o...
Read full storyPM, Tsar Vladimir the Putana Masters the Hocus Pocus
Putin has often shown some amazing prestidigitational skills. He made human rights and free enterprise disappear in the post- Soviet Russia. He hypnotized W when he looked into his eyes and failed to see the reflection of a Texas village idiot. But r...
Read full storySupremes Open "The Greenback Laundry and Lobbying Bar and Grill"
Many have acknowledged that the salaries of government workers often fall far short of the private industry wages that such talented folks as our public servants could otherwise earn. For example, President Bush will triple his salary after graduatin...
Read full storyToday's London Dry Metro Seems a Scary Place
Canada Dry may be a harmless little ale of ginger. Martini Dry sounds like a thirsty Italian. But the London Dry Metro became a house of horrors. Last night's Farewell to Alcohol Party looked like the worst things could get, all with the vomiting...
Read full storyCNN Being Replaced with Teen Queen Hannah Montana!
Cable News Network, otherwise known as CNN, provides television news coverage - But not for long.
Read full storyStonehenge Mysteries Revealed
SALISBURY, ENGLAND - Somewhat disappointing to viewers of drama-laden unanswered question television shows, local archaeologist, bon vivant and tattle-tale Sir Geoffrey Monmouth announced today that "Stonehenge was built 4,000 years ago as a mas...
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