US women's colleges have been suffering from a decline in enrollment since men and women discovered that the real world is coed. Creative recruiters at schools like Mount Holyoke, Wellesley, Barnyard, Smith and Bryn Mawr think that they may have found the solution to their population crisis.
At first, they tried recruiting senior citizens who had failed to get college degrees but now had big bucks from alimony or inheritance. The ROB program (Rich Old Bitches) proved a dismal failure since cruise lines and male prostitutes already owned the ROB market.
Smith recruiter, Buffy Elite told our reporter how she first stumbled on the concept of the Middle East talent pool:" I was watching a National Geographic's special on Oman. I watched as masses of women and probably some transfolks floated across the screen in black burqhas. Suddenly I got it! Our same sex schools could not survive solely on the US of A ordinary lesbian. We needed a new source to reinvigorate our student body."
Contemporaneous with the Smith recruiter's insight was Barnyard's new student acquisition specialist Missy Duznt- Mizathang's epiphany:" Oh My Gawd! I was watching the same parade and all I could think was:" Come to Barnyard, ladies, Come to Barnyard!"
Same sex college administrators have agreed that the burqha will be the new plaid skirt, man tailored blouse, knee socks and saddle shoes. Dean Oldyke of Holyoke advocated for the burqha:" Just think, when you get up at noon for your first class, you just slip on the black robe and hood. No one can tell whether you're hung over or just lost in space. I wish I had a cover all during my daze at Holyoke!"
