Stonehenge Mysteries Revealed

Funny story written by victor nicholas

Wednesday, 4 June 2008

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SALISBURY, ENGLAND - Somewhat disappointing to viewers of drama-laden unanswered question television shows, local archaeologist, bon vivant and tattle-tale Sir Geoffrey Monmouth announced today that "Stonehenge was built 4,000 years ago as a massive tourist attraction."

"Right, it's dead obvious, you would have thought that somebody would have figured it out by now," said Sir Geoffrey broadly beaming a gap-tooth grin rivalling the Henge itself.

"Stonehenge was built in the middle of nowhere to attract tourists to the Salisbury plain. Why else would anyone come here . . . to eat fish and chips next to the cathedral?"

"Kudos to the ancients . . . I dare say the project's been a smashing success!"

Another mystery solved is the choice of stone used in the design. Sir Geoffrey says this too has an obvious answer. "The ancients did not have the use of metal, reinforced concrete or yellow vacuum-formed plastic arches illuminated from behind at their disposal, so there it was wood or stone."

"If you were building a tourist attraction for the long-term 4,000 years ago what would you use?" Sir Geoffrey asked pointedly.

Monmouth goes on to say that "the purpose of the vertical stones is simple to hold up the horizontal stones and the horizontal stones are there to connect the vertical stones together."

The circular shape of the structure also has a simple explanation. "If it wasn't built in a circle the thing would have never ended and the job was bloody hell to build as it was."

The real mystery according to Monmouth is "Why in blazes so many people keep on coming here?"

"Not so sure I'm up to the task to solve that riddle."

Locals are angry with Sir Geoffrey for spilling the beans.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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