Gazza Arrested Again In Hemel Hempstead

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 4 June 2008

image for Gazza Arrested Again In Hemel Hempstead
Now what's he done?

Paul Gascoigne, the former Newcastle, Tottenham, Lazio, Rangers, Middlesbrough, Everton, Burnley and Boston United midfielder, has been arrested by Police in Hemel Hempstead and charged under the Mental Health Act.

He could be held for as many as 42 days.

Gazza, as he is known, was found wandering around the Hertfordshire town in the early hours of Monday morning, and was immediately questioned by officers of the local constabulary.

PC Alan Oik was the first on the scene. He said:

"Gazza was always one of my favourite players. When he cried during that World Cup game, he was crying for England. I felt his pain."

His colleague, PC Graham Pigg, agreed, saying:

"I told Mr Gascoigne that he didn't have to say anything, but that it might harm his defence if, when questioned, he didn't mention something that he later relied on in court."

"I also advised him that anything he did say, could be given in evidence. Then I asked him for his autograph, and we locked the bastard up."

Gascoigne's long-time friend and sponger, Jimmy Five Bellies, was this morning on his way to Hertfordshire to effect the former England stars release. He said:

"We're off for a bevvy!"*

* bevvy = beverage

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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