Friends fear for the health of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who, according to reliable sources, "seems to be shrinking at an alarming rate."
An aide was quoted as saying that a few weeks ago he heard a strange, somewhat high voice calling from the President's room and when he entered, the president was virtually "pinned behind a small refrigerator, unable to move."
The aide added that the leader seems to have lost at least two feet of height in the last month or so, and there is much concern in the capital.
The problems began when the President attended an amusement park and was not tall enough to get on a particular ride, named the (roughly translated) "Wild Lizard of Quickness." This raised a red flag with some of his assistants, and they immediately suggested a trip to the doctor, who reportedly tried to lighten the mood by referring to the leader as "President Short Stuff" and "The Wee One."
The president wasn't too amused, but was so worried about his condition that he didn't even suggest a stoning for the physician. The physician did a battery of tests, which showed conclusively that Ahmadinejad was a lot shorter than he was before.
Since then, the President has lost at least another foot of height and was recently involved in an almost catastrophic tussle with his wiener dog. Experts are perplexed by the problem, and fear that he will get so small that he will need to be carried around in a paper bag or a lunch box, as happened with one of the former Ayatollahs of Iran.
"He could save money on travel and food," as one aide put it, "But he said he would feel like someone's lunch, being carried like that, and he has spoken many times throughout his life of that being his one great fear." He also added that he was glad Saddam Hussein was dead, as he would have been "really embarrassed" if Saddam had seen him like this.
